Gift Guides Bullshit

Always late to the party (again) - we’re starting to wonder if those Admins are asleep at their keyboards with the flurry of wacky, detached-from-reality posts from both marymary and HeyMichele dated December 2nd about how sellers can "nominate" your picks for the GG’s.

That’s right, sellers, another round of WHAT SELLERS CAN DO FOR FREE FOR ETSY while they twitter their paid-hours away on faves and more faves!

Once we get past the fact that all of this should have been a hot topic in mid-September, too late is really too late, and lame "announcements" telling sellers to do the work that ETSY REFUSES TO DO ITSELF is finally going over the edge.

Not only that, but both marymary and HeyMichele list several links that take awhile to read because, surprise surprise...there are RULES for nominating your GG picks!
1)Etsy stylized pix so you can’t see the actual product
2)You can pick your own items, but Etsy prefers you to work your ass of promoting OTHERS so you’re even less likely to sell
3)Make sure the item is sold in multiples, you know, like big box stores (fuck OOAK)

After you do all that reading, follow all the Etsy formula branding rules, never promote yourself, and buy into more and more Etsy asshattery, here’s the final message from HeyMichele:

"We can't promise all items nominated in this thread will make it into the guides, but we will be looking through them frequently. Additionally, we may select nominated items and place them in a different guide than suggested, or we may even select something different within the shop of the nominated item."

Total, complete and utterly arrogant BULLSHIT.


More work for sellers with absolutely NOTHING in return!

Renewing isn't worth it anymore

Etsy has shot itself in the foot. According to HeyMichelle:

Because of the volume of new listings, we are uploading new listings in "batches". This means that there will be a delay for appearing on the Front Page and Time Machine 2. Additionally, items *may* not appear on the Front Page "Fresh Items" section.

This revelation about the fruitlessness of renewing for exposure comes amid a flurry of threads in site help asking about a lack of views, lack of exposure, time machine 2 looping, the appearance of new items far back on category pages immediately after listing, and the absence of their items on the front page. (See the sampling at bottom of entry).

Nice. Renewing is now gambling for exposure on the front page and categories.

One thing they've definitely accomplished is eliminating renewals as their bread and butter - a task they previously encouraged. Actually, this was the only good way to gain to exposure AND it was keeping Etsy afloat as a company.

Smart, Etsy.

Samples in the usual Etsy schema:
Renewals not working
Renewing sucks
Renewing is broken
Stop wasting your money

Gift certificates and inclusion

The gift certificate "how-to" in the Dorque is absolute bitchfodder. It is a lame ass attempt (err fail) by Etsy to be a "normal" shopping site.

For starters, they're confusing people who don't understand that they're NOT Etsy gift certificates, they're gift certificates to the Etsy shop that issued it ONLY.

Also - Etsy is double dipping!! They encourage gift certificates because they collect fees twice for them!...once for the sale of the certificate and another time for the sale of the item the certificate is used on.

And they have a new Gift Guide for those that offer gift certificates, a little late for a new GG isn't it?! And how much notice is this for sellers to be included? Etsy-site promotion my ass. By the way, did you know there was an expedited shipping GG recently?

Other sales sites are capable of site-wide gift certificate! Dawanda (see our review) recently instituted them, a bit late for this year's holidays, but they are able to do what Etsy obviously can't.

Another has this to say:

compared to the Dawanda gift certs/vouchers (administered by the site itself), etsy is being positively dishonest in pushing sellers into believeing that gift certs are the way to go. they may have guidelines in place to remind people that a tangible article must be forthcoming from each listing but i still see no information about having to pay the fees twice

We get mail

On occasion we get something in the inbox that is more than an Aux post, tip, or rant. Recently, I received an email from a journalist who couldn't tell who she's writing for, but she had the following questions:

1) Can you give me YOUR personal view of the future of the handmade craft industry? Is it enjoying a revival at this time? Will the flailing economy help the Handmade Movement?
2) Can you give me a short list of what you consider Etsy's shortcomings? How and where it has failed its sellers? Its community?
3) What could Etsy do to improve itself as a website?
4) Your views on the Etsy alternatives. How many in your reckoning are likely to become serious contenders for Etsy?
5) Lastly, you had a magic wand, and you could create the BEST handmade buy-and-sell site in history, what are the first 10 things you would do?

My first reaction was 'Hasn't she read the blog?' Then I talked it over with the other Bitches and they thought the same thing.

For one, if you can't tell us who you're writing for, chances are we're not going to give you an exclusive interview. Second, don't ask questions that are answered in the blog. And lastly, don't haggle about on-the-record vs. off-the-record with anonymous writers.

For me (Righteous), it's about integrity and personal responsibility, as a business and an individual. Etsy just hasn't followed through.

I'm posting below my response to the journalist, because I meant what I told her about everything being on-the-record. Plus, you might have an answer for her and now comments can be open for that:

After discussing your questions, we think you will find all of the answers on the EtsyBitch blog. Everything on-the-record is out there for the public. We don't hold back what we really think. We don't mind being quoted and linked to, we stand by everything we say and retract or update as necessary when things change.

If you're having difficulty compiling our responses from the wealth of information on the blog, primarily, there is no "short-list" of what's wrong with Etsy. Over the course of the few years they've been live they have been going downhill. It's everything from hardware and infrastructure to the lack of a customer service department and knowledgable admin. Take a look at our Christmas list and the comments to it...that's the closest we can get to a short list. Nearly every post is about Etsy's shortcomings, what they can do to improve, and what we think a handmade venue needs. You'll start to see trends when you read through.

For some people, handmade never went away. It may be having a mainstream revival right now, due to trends, going green, or the economy, but that is beyond our collective effort and discussion. We have worked with some people who are promoting the handmade movement, and we appreciate it as artisans ourselves, but art and handmade have always been there, and always will be there, in some form.

We do think there will be some venues that give Etsy a run for its money, some sellers are already having better success elsewhere, others were successful before Etsy ever came to be. It'll be different for everyone and their needs. We have our favorites, but its due to our own experiences. There are many more venues and shopping carts that we'll be reviewing, but I'm sure we have not held back in the posts we've already done as to how we feel a particular venue's chances may be for surpassing Etsy.

Tidbits to scowl at

A source that recently visited Brooklyn told us that Maria actually lives in D.C. and "commutes" to Etsy. Ok, now we know why the lunatics are still running the asylum, noone's there supervising them!


We also got this rant from an Aux about the featured seller and Dorque Success stories:

I am about to pop a vein. I normally don't complain about things that Etsy admin does, but this one is seriously f'ed up. The current featured seller (Ahpeele) was already written up as a "success" in the Storque! Why? Why? Why? 6 MONTHS AGO, they were already a "success"

And then there's this:
Good ole Rob Kalin is going to Switzerland to represent Etsy and share the love and community with the world *GAG*

We are very excited to have the chance to talk to world leaders about independent entrepreneurship and how the internet can have a supporting role. In the run-up to the meeting, the WEF invited each nominee to answer the same questions about their businesses and the roles they play in socially conscious economic development.

Socially conscious? Etsy??

The World Economic Forum:

We are striving towards a world-class corporate governance system where values are as important a basis as rules. Our motto is ‘entrepreneurship in the global public interest’. We believe that economic progress without social development is not sustainable, while social development without economic progress is not feasible

...but, but, but...they invited ETSY!!!!!! Someone needs to clue the Swiss in. They've obviously never visited Etsy's 'community' via the forums.

Etsy changes the way search results are displayed

Etsy has slipped a change by sellers - well tried to anyway. If you hadn't already noticed, all search results now have 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 ... as the options with arrows to scroll forward - no last page number given, no 'last' to click, the ellipses aren't clickable, and no way to shop from the back page other than using the arrow a hundred plus times.
Stellaoella said this about it in the forum thread:

This is a new, small change we just made. Etsians are so observant, we can’t slip anything by unnoticed. ;)

'Slip by unnoticed'?? Why? Because we'd hate it?! YES, WE DO!! It makes having items on pg 6 onwards a really really bad thing. So, what, this will increase renewals and Etsy's revenue, huh.

Bastards

There’s sort of a psychology of online shopping to this change. Our usability testing revealed that casual shoppers can get overwhelmed by seeing there are so many pages of results. The thought kind of is, “I have to look through 500+ pages of scarves? Oh my!” So showing just a few pages at a time makes the browsing experience feel more manageable (even if the total number of results is still up there).

usability testing??? aaaahahahahahahaha As if Etsy really cared. If they did we'd have a more fluid checkout, fixed advanced search, search result changes would mean results are displayed by relevance or price as opposed to most recent, and a front page that reflects the number of diversity of shops available.

Bastards

Edit: Thanks to Eveline pointing out that - "Oh, and, you can go through the whole list from the back, by flipping the 'listed on' thing over. But that will give you the same problem: you start on page 1 without knowing how many pages there are."

Busted

Dear Marymary, this was not the first or even the second occurence. This time it was Anda's turn to get her shop prominently featured.

Admin chimed in on this thread 5 times before shutting down the thread. Etsy, did your customers catch you with your panties down? Below are some of the defensive responses from Etsy Admin:

Thanks so much for expressing your concerns with admins that have shops and the possibility of them being featured on the site. To be perfectly honest, we have an internal rule that items from admin shops are not to be featured on the homepage or in the gift guides.

This rule has been in effect for close to a year now and if for any reason you see an item featured on Etsy that might be from an admin shop, you are welcome to send us an email to community [!at] etsy.com and we will have it removed.

A treasury with an item from an admin shop would not be denied a highlight on the front page. The item from the admin shop would simply be excluded from the list of item ID's that are loaded on the front page.

Admins must disclose all of their shops on Etsy in their profiles, yes.

If a treasury is selected and loaded on the front page, the admin item would simply be excluded and in it's place the first alternate would appear.

You can find a list of all admins right here: www.etsy.com/about.php

If the admin has a shop/s, it will be listed in their profile. While I can see how a public list of admin shops might be helpful to some, it also might be viewed as further promotions to admins or unfair in some way...so I don't see this becoming a feature any time soon, I apologize.

The items featured in that article were chosen by a guest writer from Domino magazine. We have since removed the item in question; it should not have been included, and we apologize for the error.

Etsy, Etsy...... tsk. You make it sound like this was a once-in-a-lifetime occurrence. How stupid do you think your customers are? Tens of thousands of shops on Etsy. Yet the same people are highlighted in the Gift Guides, Etsy Finds, on the front page Etsy Admin curated treasuries. That, Etsy, is pathetic.

Screenshot credit goes to Eclipse, sorry I forgot to post that last night.

Lalala they can't hear us

Etsy, the little kid with stubborn fingers in their ears.

What am I ranting about this time? Well, let's see. Etsy has made changes to their Privacy Policy. Did all members receive a notice? NO! Only those with opt-in news alerts and who log-in from the front page by clicking 'log in'.

Anyone who has not signed up to receive news alerts, who hits 'Your Etsy' to log in, who remain logged in for days, and the 90%+ who don't read the Storque or Forums will not know about this.

How many times do we have to tell you...such changes should be emailed to every fucking member of your site!!!!

And you know this! Right in that Storque article:

As noted in our Privacy Policy, it is our duty to notify the Etsy community of material changes to this policy.

We are sooo tired of telling you this.

We Updated the Rules for Report This (Forum) Post

Dear Etsy Admins,

We think the REPORT THIS POST in the FORUMS needs a little revision, a little tweaking, to meet the urgent needs of your Dear Readers. We are just trying to pitch in and help shorten the rollouts and revisions from 18 months to 1 day. Oh, and bring some sense of "organization" to the Forums, which currently = chaos.

So, how about another edition nifty thrifty changes?

Why are you reporting this post? (Etsy Bitch Suggested Revisions)

• Thread is in the wrong section of the forums. It belongs in the classifieds on CraigsList, your local PennySaver, a personal blog, or in an email to your mother
  
  
• Post discusses private matters that have nothing to do with Etsy, business, ecommerce, stores, handmade, swimmy, hammock-construction, the right color for cupcake icing, or anything of actual interest to others anywhere
  
  
• Post is not abusive or insulting enough and no one is boo-hooing because their feelings are hurt
  
  
• Post is deemed to be negative and we do not like negative people, they give off bad vibes and are really yucky. Don’t make me scold you again! Don’t forget, we can mute you in a NY minute!
  
  
• Post, topic, and thread have been moved around so much we forgot what it was about. But we are so sorry that happened to you! Congrats for being so un-definable!
  
  
• Post is from an alternate or "sock puppet" account set up for the purpose of making a point or begging for help because the last 29 requests have been ignored, moved to another topic, locked, or disappeared from print.
  

Any additional comments?

Etsy Bitches Offer Their Own Virtual Labs

We at EB have decided that we need to help Etsy in the Etsy Virtual Labs. Since sellers do most of the work anyway, why not help out and free up Etsy Admins to do other things, like customer service?

We know it’s hard work to come up with Virtual Lab Topics and bet there is a long waiting list of sellers just waiting to get into the fabulous line up that Etsy prepares each week!
We want to add to that success and high demand by offering a week’s worth of workshops that we know will be extremely popular with Etsy sellers, like:

Monday
1. Off-The-Cuff Shop Critiques for the Truly Befuddled.
2. Craft Night! — Create your very own Popsicle Stick Crochet Bookmark with Fringe and Upcycled Bottlecaps------ and where? In the Treehouse, of course!

Tuesday
1. Newbie Question Hour, including how to seal an envelope and go to the Post Office, and why shipping is so very important
2. Craft Class - Make your own coasters using fused frozen dinner trays (empty) and embellish with glitter and upcycled bottle caps.

Wednesday
1. Boo and Hiss for Sellers - show off your worst products.
2. Craft Class - Make your own nail polish by mixing oven cleaner fabric softener and upcycled real maple syrup.

Thursday
1. Listen to complaints from Buyers who Never Got Their Stuff.
2. Craft Class - Hemming Your Jeans with Scotch Tape and Glue.

Friday
1. Intro to Fine Art Glass Blowing using your Easy Bake Oven.
2. Off-The-Topic Critiques with the Little Old Ladies from the Midwest.

Saturday
1. Craft Class - 25 Different Ways to Remove Superglue From Your Fingers and Toes. (With Bitchbunny).

From the Bitches Auxiliary

I'm so glad we're going to have arts and crafts classes at etsy, instead of them policing the site to see that it doesn't turn into ebay. I can't believe all the people that use other peoples'copyrighted images to make a buck.

366 of these - http://www.etsy.com/shop.php?user_id=5642869§ion_id=5345185
and http://www.etsy.com/shop.php?user_id=5980462

I went to the actual wallet category and get cell phone charms and key chains. And you know what? The damn NOT search isn't working - so I can't exclude the two links above or the other garbage. So I attempted to find a fun little wallet for 30 minutes. I'm so frustrated I'm just going to go buy one at Target today.

But hey, at least we get arts and crafts, where Etsy will teach other people how to etch metal. What's more fun than learning how to play with acid and hazardous materials over the internets? I wonder if they will be explaining the creation of free copper ions and the needs to dispose of the mordant as hazardous waste? With the level of intelligence so often shown in forums I wonder how many people will end up hurt? Maybe they can teach cold process soap next, so everyone that posts to a dormant thread and feels the need to say "OMG I killed another thread!" 1 minute later can go play with lye.

/rant off

Seriously frustrated,

Bitch wannabe.

ps - thanks for protecting my identity. I love the blog.

Stop the hatin'!

One thing that really gets my panties in a twist are people who feel it's necessary to bash other Etsy sellers, or buyers, here on our blog. Now this is just me talking about one of my pet peeves, but it is our policy on this blog that we focus on Etsy the business and the people who run it. If you need a refresher, read our mission statement on the sidebar!

Now, for all of you who can not turn off your Etsy forum habits - KNOCK IT THE FUCK OFF!

We do not and will not tolerate the Etsian versus Etsian carnage that is so frequent among its members elsewhere. If we are so busy hounding each other's merchandise, business practices, or opinions, we won't have the time or energy to fight for what we deserve as customers of Etsy. This should be our focus! Not tearing each other apart.

It doesn't matter what your craft or art is, if you're a vintage or supplies seller, or if you are or aren't a pain in the ass know-it-all with a vendetta. We are Etsy's customers and have a common goal. To put the site back on track. The community they've built has resulted in the need to say such things, but that is beyond our abilities to repair, not without each and every one of us stepping aside and saying 'ya know what, there are bigger fish to fry!'

So take off your boxing gloves, turn the other cheek, and stop insulting each other. Get off your high and mighty soap boxes and turn the energy towards Etsy and your business.

There are other outlets for you to let out your angst about your experiences with other people, but this is not one of them. This blog is about Etsy - the business and the management.

We know people rub you the wrong way. We understand the frustration with some people. Believe me, we all have those we steer clear from. But if you're going to say Etsy shouldn't have public favorites or a blacklist then neither should we or you.

If you agree with us, great. If you don't, then whatever. You piss us off, we don't care which category you fit in above, we'll tell you to fuck off. We're bitches like that. Get over it!

*btw, this is my opinion.

Etsy says “Quit Your Day Job”

Really? There are now six articles in the Storque promoting the idea that people can make a living on Etsy with that title. Really?

These are mainly interviews with sellers that have been able to quit their day job by selling on Etsy. They are the success stories, if you will. Though there is an opt-in Etsy Success newsletter, they choose to spend man-hours writing Storque articles on the matter, too. Well, they’re mainly just formatted interviews.

Let me focus on the idea being sold – that Etsy can change your life. That Etsy has been responsible for the businesses that have ‘made it’. That Etsy deserves a little praise and faith on our part. Nevermind the countless hours of promotion a seller has to do to 'make it'. Nevermind the fact that most sellers that 'made it' can also make it on eBay or at local craft fairs or brick and mortar shops (depending on their particular trade/items) because of their own talent. Nevermind the fact that many sellers who ‘make it’ (talented or no) are heavily promoted and put forth by Etsy themselves, which results in more exposure and sales. With 100,000+ shops, it is impossible for a good number of them to be promoted to the extent the others have been and actually make a living selling on Etsy.

With a revenue stream based on renewals and relistings and high item retention (over 700,000 new listings in May but only 449,000 sales, which are sold from a pool of all previous month’s listings which also have that terrible balance of nearly 1:2), it is statistically impossible that the dream they are selling can come true for more than a handful of people. And those spots have already been filled, most likely in Etsy’s second burgeoning year before the marketplace became saturated and the economy tanked.

Now, let’s revisit the theme – that it is possible to make a living selling handmade. Should I note that the majority of top sellers on Etsy are supply shops. Oh, and according to the article the latest interviewee still has a day job to bring in a consistent paycheck. And, according to a self-proclamation on the forum, another in that sextet had to take a break because of the demanding pressures…assumingly of working without help.

Be able to quit your day job my ass.

Want to Link EB?

This one is 200x200 pixels and is the same size as the Etsy Flash banner
so it will fit in any side column that you have your
Etsy banner or Mini - we like ironic symmetry.



Here is your code:
<a href="http://etsybitch.blogspot.com"><img src="http://i280.photobucket.com/albums/kk189/etsybitch/200x200EBLogo.jpg" border="0"/></a>

This is your typical small web button... cute ain't it?



Here is your code:
<a href="http://etsybitch.blogspot.com"><img src="http://i280.photobucket.com/albums/kk189/etsybitch/EBbutton_88x31.jpg" border="0"/></a>

The EB Calling-Out Policy

Our newly faithful readers have been sending us future 'bitchfodder'. Thanks!!!

A few folks have sent us Etsy sellers to bitch about that are new international retailers with factories and dozen of retail outlets in five countries, and multiple websites. Handmade? Oh hell no. But that doesn't stop them.

I thought I'd like to take the opportunity to express exactly what our policy will be for 'calling out' sellers.

At this time we're not going to call out these instances. It's a fine line so we've decided that we'll keep an eye on them and not pick on them specifically (since it's obvious Etsy doesn't give a tinkers if sellers actually are handmade by not acting on flags or reports). But should that factory shop make be made a featured seller... the gloves come off since Etsy has a noticeable habit of making some incredibly poor featured seller choices, often letting them trade a place in the choir for a favored place on the front page. We hate that as much as you do. We're not gonna stay quiet on that.

We might reverse ourselves later, but for the immediate future sellers will not be attacked individually for merely selling -- unless they do something brilliantly stupid in the forums. Since Etsy doesn't approve/jury sellers to sell on it's site. It's an blind automated process, and since there is a flagging system we have to give Etsy a chance to fail before attacking them for not enforcing it. It's more fair than they deserve.

Don't worry though, Admin are another issue, we'll continue snarking on them until our fingers bleed! Yeehaw!

Keep sending us in stores that violate the Etsy TOS - we're keeping a list!
We'll be also more than happy to help you and gang-flag them in the meantime!

Feel free to comment, we unlike Etsy, want to know what you think!