Time for a Reality Check, Etsy?

Or how about a check up from the neck up?

We’ve been laughing so hard about the details of the new Etsy Merchandising Plan (from the new Merchandising Desk) that we could barely read the long list of themes revealed in one of the most bizarre bloggies EVER posted in the Dorque.

And what were we thinking? Waiting with bated breath for a clue about what we are supposed to be producing in our artisan studios for Etsy to pick for a Front Page Promotion, we just didn’t expect we’d be force to make..............doodads for the Kentucky Derby!?!?!? Oh goodness, now that’s a new twist on "handmade", dontcha think? Horsehair, anyone? (It’s a very flexible medium!)

The whole list sounds like an outline for a 19th Century Programme for festivities at the Country Club, raise your pinkies, grab your teacup, and lift that (upper class) lip!

Aha! But we’re taking a break from our equestrian related thoughts to put our own EB spin on this amazing list of Etsy Themes for May that have nothing in the entire universe to do with handmade, the artisan, the handmade product, the seller, the handmade store, ...or HANDMADE!

MAY PROGRAMME FROM THE EB MERCHANDISING DESK (Take a number and sit down in the velvet covered lounge and wait your turn, please):

UPCOMING EB CANNOT-LIVE-WITHOUT-DATES IN MAY:
May 1 - Oops, we forgot what they call these holiday things in those other countries out there.

May 2 - Dress appropriately in Etsy Approved Apparel adorned with your can’t live without Etsy Accessories that nobody really wears in public and get ye to the nearest OTB to start betting!

May 3 - Another Obscure Holiday, but let’s buck the trend and go shopping at big box stores anyway. Something may actually be on sale!

May 4 - Hmmm. What can we think of that will make people spend money on all those things we keep picking for the Front Page, day after day after day?

May 5 - Tacos and cervesas for everyone, let’s rub shoulders with South of the Border!

May 8 - A military-sounding holiday would be good to throw in here, and some reference to another country too, any will do!

May 10 - Mother’s Day? Whaaaaaa? Ya know, we were just too busy at Etsy to even think about this important retail holiday, and it’s boring. ‘Nuf said.

May 13 - OK, let’s all go to the movies and forget about shopping!

May 25 - Heads Up, Etsy Sellers! Get ready to start making Etsy-Themed Products for June!

May 25 - Isn’t there some kind of international athletic event that has nothing to do with selling and buying handmade? Come ON, we gotta think of something!

What more can we say? Etsy, you’re paying someone to come up with themes that have no connection to selling handmade online. We really want to be a fly on the wall at your next "Theme Staff Meeting" at Gold Street--care to turn on your videocam and let us in so we can eyeroll along with the rest of you??? Checks payable to blankety blank, filled out for CASH ONLY please.