You need to take better pictures, no wait...

If you've sold or tried to sell anything on Etsy and tried seeking 'critiques' to see why your shop wasn't selling then you've heard the tired old line: "you need to take better pictures."

Now the marvelous circle jerk team aka Etsy 'engineering' has rolled out new quality image improvements. Tooting their horn, Etsy engineers have "built a new system for processing, resizing, and storing the image files that you upload to the site."

Well good job Etsy! The opening post shows a shop banner before the improvements, and after the improvements. There's only one problem; try as you might, you really can't discern any improvements. Some even dared to mention this to the circle jerk crew right in the middle of their mutual self-congratulatory phase. That's when Captain Obtuse, aka mgineer/Matt admits:

That sample banner is a case where there isn't much difference between the before and after. One characteristic of banners is that they are sometimes better suited to GIF or PNG format. Since our system only supports JPEG right now, we have to convert them, which can lower the quality. This change is the first step in a series of changes to make it possible to upload a PNG or GIF and have the site display it that way instead of converting it.

I'm sorry mgineer, did you just say that you guys implemented a system which will make some of our pictures look shittier? Really? Oh and while your at it, could you guys think far enough in the future to show a banner that signifigantly show your "improvements?"

The ultimate goal here is apparently to give everyone the option to upload images in .gif and .png as well as .jpeg. Yet - get this - Etsy's system still does not render any uploaded .gif or .png images well. So the engineers recommend that you convert them to .jpg yourself before uploading them "for a little while longer."

Highlighted Admin posts further dig a contradictory hole:

The feature is more a means of providing extra help to make your pictures appear just a little bit brighter or a little bit sharper.

Which is it ya geniuses? Are you helping us make our photos "better"? Or "lowering the quality?" Some post that they can see the difference, others not, to which Admin helpfully comments:

To those of you who can't see a difference, great! You see Etsy in it's most beautiful state. To those who do see a difference, great! Get ready to experience Etsy in all her glory.

Get that folks? Etsy is a girl. Write that down.

So the upshot of this? Your avatar, your shop banner, your product images will get a little "help" from Etsy. Yes, that's right folks - particularly you photographers - Etsy has changed how they tweak images.

Oh, before I close this post, let me note that:

The team working on this deserves a huge public thank you, so...thanks, guys!
You've put in a ton of effort making this rock.

Oh yeah guys..... you really rock. *eyeroll*

A funny thing happened on the way to the forum

The Etsy header became all confuzzled. And the glaring neon of the new font led me to a dark place called the Storque...

where Rokali has provided a roadmap of what Etsy is certain it can accomplish in the next 2 months.

The first thing on that map was rolled out today to much fanfare chagrin - the wider page and new Etsy header with teeny tiny font. Yes, it is less distracting from the shopfronts, but the lack of testing prior to roll out is, well, what we would expect.

Let's see how well the switch to Paypal Express Checkout goes:

we’re going to require payment for an item before marking it as sold on Etsy. To do this, we’re migrating to a new payments platform at PayPal called Express Checkout (EC).

The biggest change is that a buyer will go to PayPal and authorize the payment, then come back to Etsy in order to actually complete the transaction. ...

Our ideal Checkout is to have a single payment cover all purchases, even those from multiple sellers. This is on the horizon, as PayPal readies their split payments feature for Express Checkout.

There's also the pesky detail of it being integrated properly on Etsy's end. Oh the adventures we're about to have *sigh*

A Refresher Course

We’ve noticed that people, specifically other Etsians, are blogging about us. Not everything they say is nice (thank goodness, we’d be doing something wrong if it was!)…they don’t get certain things about why we’re here or why we have certain feelings towards certain admin. So, here’s a little history lesson, stretching back to before we were here, to refresh or enlighten your perspective.

1. What is it you think you’ll accomplish by complaining?

A lot, actually. The real Etsy community, by acting together even before EtsyBitch, has already gotten things to happen by bringing it to the attention of the sensible admin – like getting a repeat offending reseller booted, the page numbers brought back to search, and USD added to listings as is required by law. We act as encouragement for forum surliness to get admin to acknowledge problems. What else do we want to see done? Read our manifesto – it’s all laid out there in plain English.

But we don’t just bitch about Etsy, though that’s the fun part - we also try to help our fellow artisans and crafters , we discuss business, we review alternative venues, and we’re here to listen. We’re a shoulder and a voice for frustrated Etsians, whatever their sales volume or product. How will Etsy ever improve for their customers with the cupcake yes-men running untethered?

2. Why do you tell DanielleXO to go to hell? That’s, like, so mean!

She was once given the privilege of head forum moderator. She ran amuck, muting people for no reason other than she didn’t like them, closed threads she didn’t like, and harassed members via convos. This is reason enough to fire a person, but they simply moved her to another department, and then another one after that – still causing trouble months later. Then, ahile a member of the EtsyLabs, she ran a metalsmithing workshop in which she couldn’t answer someone’s question about gauge – something elementary to working with metal. Can you say i-n-c-o-m-p-e-t-e-n-c-e?

3. Why are you anonymous?

Well, most of us are anonymous – if you haven’t read the recent issue of Fortune Small Business, you should. As for the rest of us - I have two words for you. Etsy Five: Five Etsians were muted indefinitely way back when for criticizing Etsy on a blog that wasn’t Etsy. And muting or banishment for criticism is still happening and happening. Off-Etsy behavior has gotten many a member in trouble, even resulting in shop closures. The President of Etsy (former, rokali) once said that they take off site behavior into account when doling out punishment. We are anonymous in order to not be harrassed by Etsy. How sad is that?

Also, we bitch because any of us or you could be next - they’re not even straight about their own rules for buyer complaints let alone using their discretion when emotions are involved, and there is talk of a blacklist of sellers you will never see on the FP, in the gift guides, or featured by Etsy admin in any way because of their criticism of Etsy, even valid criticism based on their own customer service experience. Etsy’s admins are unprofessional twits who blow off professional business people simply because they’re the customer. The power they hold over others’ incomes is frightening.

4. Why not just leave Etsy?

Some of us have – if you notice, there aren’t 10 people posting all the time anymore. Most of us have moved on to other venues or jobs. So why do we still blog about Etsy? Yeah, I knew you’re thinking it – we’re still their customers, and we made great friends there, still buy there, or have so much invested in Etsy we can’t leave. It’s like your phone company, if it’s the only company your phone will work with and the phone cost you $500, are you going to switch companies and buy a new phone or try to work with what you already paid for?

5. Why are you so hateful and angry?

We’re not hateful, we’re frustrated. There’s no customer service department to complain to or work with, there is no way to sign our name to our complaints without fear of reprisal, and people like you question our right to throw out a curse word every now and then in regards to a company we paid to deliver a service that we feel is subpar. Fuck you for not respecting the rights of others to be frustrated even when you haven't had to deal with it...yet.

6. But….why???

We appreciate handmade and love (some of) the sellers we’ve interacted with in the online art community. Etsy had great potential when it started, and it is still the big name out there. We think there will be others who give them a run for their money, but there shouldn’t be a monopoly on selling handmade. Certain venues will work for certain people. We really do want to see Etsy do better by their customers, even if we’ve moved on to greener pastures. It’s not about revenge or seeing Etsy fail…it’s about making them accountable to the people that matter, their sellers – their customers. Being a half-assed start-up was an excuse 4 years ago, not now.