Wednesday, July 16, 2008

From The Auxiliary Guild: EtsyHos!

Etsybitches, you won't believe it. As I was walking through Brooklyn today, I spotted two hipsters talking about hammock injuries and glitter. Suspecting that they were indeed etsy staffers, I tried my hand at some Emma Peel spy action. Sure enough, when one of their bags fell apart (the duct tape and staples didn't hold), a paper fell to the ground. You can't believe how excited I was when I picked it up and realized it was a rough outline of their new credits and referral program! Answers at last! Behold:

Welcome to EtsyHos, etsy's exciting new referral and rewards program! Become an EtsyHo and earn credits for rewards by sending emails to all of your friends, placing Etsy flyers* under windshield wipers or wearing an adorable Etsy sandwich board** on a busy street corner!

EtsyHo Points will accumulate and generate rewards by following a Fibonacci sequence.***

Here are just a few of the great rewards EtsyHos can earn!

  1. Come to EtsyLabs and clean the Swimmy-poo out of the Swimmy-tank!

  2. A six month extension on all of your listings! (You won't believe how deep you'll be buried!)

  3. Spin the Etsy Idea Wheel to pick our next new feature!

  4. For one day, your items won't show up in the default search. Nope, not at all! (If you are a vintage or supply seller, your listings will be entirely hidden for the day.)

  5. Be an etsy darling for a day: get front page exposure and have your shop mentioned by fawning admin!****

  6. Revolving Dork will clear your cache, if you know what we mean.

  7. Star in our latest How-To video! We'll be printing up all the user suggestions in our virtual Idea Box, shredding them and using them to make octopus piƱatas!

  8. Fake mustaches!

  9. We'll put listings from other sellers in your shop so everyone knows how much you support the community

  10. Two words: Cup. Cake.

* Users must Gocco their own flyers. Gocco equipment, ink and paper not supplied by etsy.
** See the latest Storque article for a great how-to on making sandwich boards (you'll need suspenders, garbage bags and plaster).
*** Sounds smart, doesn't it? Our staff amanuensis thinks he knows what it means.
**** Please note: this reward is only open to current Etsy Darlings.

I think we need to write up another rewards program for EtsyDarlings! Hilarious!