Advertising ain't brain surgery

Matt says there's an article coming about advertising for the upcoming Holiday Season. If it's another goddamn BUST ad I'm going to Brooklyn with a crate of ammo. The entire concept of "street teams" and "co-op ads" just infuriates me in a way that few things do. (I'll go off on Street Teams at a later time.)

Many people, including Etsy, maintain that you need to advertise your own shop. We Bitches don't dispute that. We actually encourage you to do everything for youself and fuck Etsy's wanting a reach around. Get your own domain name and set it to redirect to your Etsy store at the VERY least so your domain stays in their mind, not Etsy's. That way if you move to your own site, or another service, they will come with you. You need to do whatever you can to survive, but that doesn't relieve Etsy from advertising itself, like all big pants companies do.

Example: eBay advertises itself. You've seen the ads, they are everywhere. TV, magazines, online, bus stops. They don't promote any particular seller, they promote ideas of what you can buy there: Cars. Clothes. Computers. A box of that cereal you liked when you were ten. "You can get it on eBay." It's such a persuasive message that it's second nature now to search eBay for the thing you want before even going to a store.

eBay knows what Etsy doesn't. When you don't sell an actual product, when you depend on your users to make your money for you, you sell the idea of your service. Promoting itself promotes everyone, and all without any injuries or scandals on who did or didn't get in the ad.

Of course, this would mean not selling placement in co-op ads. Which is how it should work, co-op ads are a stupid communist way to go about it and they've turned advertising Etsy into fucking non-juried, nonsensical, free for all bloodsport. Advertising content should never be haphazard, or luck of the draw. It needs planned and plotted so the message is clear. As it is now there is no rhyme or reason for the items included in the co-op ads, other than who ever got in line first and had the sharpest elbows.

I know it's a tough thing stomach to emulate eBay but they know what they are and what works, and they deserve a back pat for that.

If you haven't seen this already there is an animated Etsy Commercial on YouTube:


THAT is fucking advertising, people! Why is this languishing and hidden on Youtube? Why is this not airing on Martha Stewart (even if it's just as a local ad rotating in various larger markets)? Why isn't this worked up as a Flash ad and playing on The Ellen DeGenres Show or HGTV website?

Granted, it's entirely too long for broadcast TV as is (they need to cut it down to 30 seconds from it's 1 minute 37 seconds), but it perfectly gets the idea across what Etsy is, what you get there, and how it works. It's a good starting point on how to advertise Etsy.com at the very least. And it's mostly done already. So, they have the concept, why aren't they doing it?

Quotables: Advertising Edition

Advertising Lessons for Clueless Etsy Admin

1. Advertising lets buyers know that you exist.

If etsy doesn't start something soon to entice buyers to come, eventually there will come a point of critical mass, where the amount of sellers will be at a maximum point that is too high to sustain any sales at all. It seems like we are getting there already.

2. Targeted advertising has a proven track record, perhaps Etsy should try that for a change.

Most of the comments for months have been asking for ads in more mainstream print publications and online ads. Most online retail sites have partnerships for advertising and Etsy can set up a section for the reciprocal ads easily. The mags you listed are preaching to the converted, and does not have a general audience that most sellers want to reach, including online. I subscribe to 20craft publications and use them for finding supplies and high-end shows only.

3. Advertising costs money. Get over it.

(...I'd EAT a chair (handmade, too) if Etsy spent $100,000 on an ad)

If you were quoted, congratulations and thanks! You can find your
celebratory "I've been Quoted" (and other EB avatars) by clicking here.

"Look Honey - A Back-to-School Promotion!!"

Quicker than you can say "Oh shit, we forgot!" those fab Etsy Admins have slapped together a "promotion" for the Back-to-School and Off-to-College Etsy buyers.

Did they make an announcement in the Forums? Yeah on page six of this thread. Send out an email announcement? Um, that would be like spam. Buy ad space in Bust magazine? Hellz NO! That would cost money!

So the fine folks at Etsy put up a Storque article announcing a Back-to-School showcase that goes on sale, tomorrow. But don't bother buying, unless you're selling clothing. Apparently, that's the only category worth promoting.

Truth in Advertising (or lack of it)

In an article on Friday by Tech Confidential, Etsy Chief Cupcake Officer Rob Kalin reports:


"There are 200,000 sellers making their livings from Etsy,"


ORLY? Let's check some facts. If you go to the Sellers page on Etsy and have a look at the list of seller accounts, you'll see there are 10,408 pages. At 20 accounts per page, that's 208,160 sellers. But oh, just wait a second... if you sort the sellers by number of listings, you'll find that the number of shops with at least one item for sale in them ends at page 4,551, meaning there are actually only 91,020 people selling things on Etsy, at the time of this writing. [edit: at the time of publication, these numbers are already inaccurate]

Huh. Wow. So Chief Cupcake is off by a mere 117,140 sellers. Maybe it's a misquote? Possibly, but given Etsy's propensity for inflating numbers and Rob's history of bluffing his way into jobs, we doubt it. He either didn't bother to check the numbers on his own site, or he didn't bother to tell the truth. You pick!

Let's examine the second half of that sentence. "Making their living from Etsy". Now apparently, in this thread, some people are defining "making a living" as buying some groceries and putting gas in their car. We here at EB tend to think of the phrase in the more old-fashioned way, as in, earning an income, not pocket money. How many sellers on Etsy are actually making their income from Etsy? We're not sure exactly how many, but we're pretty fucking sure it ain't 200,000. Seller Abitabite does a little math in the thread and points out that since in June the value of sold items on Etsy was $6.5 million, 200,000 sellers means that $32.50 was earned in that month per seller. Is $32.50 a month a liveable wage? You decide!

This is hardly the first time Etsy spins some incorrect numbers for PR fluff. Remember the big announcement they made about reaching ONE MILLION members? Except it wasn't one million members, it was one million registrations. Thanks to numerous people pointing out that little error they used the correct word in the Storque article three days later. Oh, and don't mind that little afterthought tacked on down at the bottom of the article in italics, the part about not accounting for users who have multiple accounts and the "one million" including accounts that have been closed.

Etsy isn't even above using sellers' private income as fodder for the PR machine. Several people in the thread recalled Etsy telling Martha Stewart that Emily Martin of TheBlackApple, one of Etsy's top handmade sellers, makes six figures, which Martha announced during her segment with Emily. According to Emily's blog, that figure is not an accurate reflection of her business, and was revealed against her wishes. For shame, Etsy. We thought you were all about respecting each other.

Etsy, could you just get fucking real, for a minute? You have half the sellers you say you do. Almost none of those sellers make a living just from Etsy. And those who do don't make six figures. Of course, we don't expect you to share any numbers that would be real eye-openers, like how many accounts have been closed, how many shops have been opened and never used, how many buyers have signed up and never bought anything. But enough with pimping a dream that doesn't exist. Figure out what's good and true about yourself, and sell that instead. Once upon a time you said you favoured transparency. The waters are looking pretty murky now.

Spamferral: Tastes Like Ass

etsybiatch@gmail.com

Come check out Etsy.com!

Hi!

I'd like to invite you to check out a great hilarious website that I know about called Etsy (http://www.etsy.com). Etsy is an online marketplace hot mess for buying and selling all things handmade anything you can get away with. You'll find an creative fed-up community of independent artists and designers and the very best in totally random handmade goods, craft supplies and vintage. It's an excellent place to find one of a kind resold, copied and trademark-infringing items, to give as gifts - or as gifts for yourself! Since you're buying directly in a ridiculously unclear process from artists on Etsy, you have the special opportunity certainty to form personal connections with confuse and exasperate the people who create your treasures. Signing up is free and easy one thing but if you want to sell I hope you like crappy customer service, amateurish tutorials, empty fluff masquerading as communication, general aggravation and intense disillusionment!

Just click here:

http://www.etsy.com/register.php?referral=fail

-----------------------------------------------------------------

Of all the crap-ass fuckery clogging up the Etsy pipeline these days, this one takes the cupcake. It appears that not only is $27 million not enough to buy real advertising, it's not even enough to buy a clue. Shall we count the many ways in which this concept is overflowing with fail?

1. Nobody asked for this.

2. Developing this took time and manpower away from developing the things people actually asked for, want and need.

3. It's prefab, generic and mass-produced, everything Etsy is not supposed to be.

4. It's only half-finished (and half-assed) as the referral/credit program hasn't even been built yet.

5. Not all Etsy members are eligible for "prizes", so international sellers get the shaft yet again.

6. It advertises Etsy the site over the individual seller's store, so that Etsy profits from the efforts of an individual seller rather than the seller themselves.

7. It's undeniably spam, which Etsy claims to be so against that it refuses to email members about changes to the site on the basis that it might be considered spam.

And lastly, it's fucking lazy. Sellers already promote Etsy, flag resellers, report forum problems, research bugs, make treasuries, write Storque articles, and provide endless amounts of assistance to each other in the forums. Now they are asked to "help" Etsy by sending everyone they know a generic, impersonal piece of spam in order to get more competitors - whoops, I mean, customers - to sign up on the site in return for vaguely described "credits" that will go towards an undefined "prize" which they may not be eligible for and may never actually arrive. How many more features will be rolled out unfinished and untested, and how many more times will sellers be asked to do that jobs that Etsy's employees are supposed to be doing? Although we really gotta give a hand to admin for combining the two into one this time. Someone over there has a talent for efficient idiocy.

Your sellers are stubborn, Etsy, but they are not mules. Take that heavy load off their backs and quit dangling that stunted, undersized carrot in front of their noses. You're making an ass of yourself.

From the Bitches Auxiliary

Forum Quote:

"Hey! Wouldn't it be nice if everyone who blogs would put a notice up in their blogs about these job openings? Then we could ALL help ourselves by helping etsy!!"

Bitches Auxiliary Response:

If this isn't objectionable, then I need Prozac

Am I just too bitter to get it? Seriously? I'm not putting an ad on my blog for their open job positions unless they PAY for that ad. I sure as heck won't be recommending people apply for positions there. And for pete's sake, why is this our job?

Oh wait, I know---now that my vintage store has screeched to a stop, I have time on my hands to PR and HR. Nevermind, clearly I should be happy for my new focus in life. Heh.

Please, tell me this is sarcasm and I'm too dense to get it!

Quotable Quotes - Getting the shaft

Shameful

I was a participating artist at the Renegade craft show in Brooklyn this weekend where etsy had a booth front and center. Let me tell you about the image I got from them there. Thier booth was uninspiring and I was unimpressed.

I went by 3 times to see if once, I'd get anything from them. A "hi". A "are you a vendor here?" I got plenty of free chapstick. but that was about it. I thought that in the 16 hours that I was at the show, that maybe one of the many people from etsy would come by and say hi, or come by and talk up etsy at least to me or one of the many vendors around me. Nope.

Etsy talks about grass roots but being handed a flyer means nothing to me. Having someone actually taking the time to talk to the people who support them and their so called "hand made pledge" is quite another thing.

Do they really expect us to support them when we do not get the same in return?

I think marymary's comments and new thread is yet another smokescreen to avoid answering some very important issues people have here.

From spending some time on the forums and also knowing in advance that I would see them at the show, I got exactly what I thought I'd get from etsy. Next to nothing.

Bitches Advertising Agency

A number of people have surprised us by wanting to be seen with us in public, that is to say they want to advertise with us. No lie, and we think they actually mean it.

So we're going to try it out. A small number of ads in the sidebar and under the posts at the bottom for very afordable rates.

Email etsybiatch@gmail.com for details if interested. Hopefully we'll have room for everyone.

ALL money raised in advertising will go to buy Gift Certificates to some Bitch friendly stores as prizes for some upcoming contests we have planned. Trust us, this will be good!

Quotable Quotes: Copy Rights

This was simply a fascinating trainwreck:

"Maybe there should be different drop downs for Etsy stores in addition to the handmade, supplies, and vintage:

My Idea and Only My Idea no one else has ever, ever thought of it in the whole wide world, ever!

My Idea, Patent Pending, try it and I will get you!

My Idea, Copyright or trademarked or patented! All info.
included in listing so there is no questions ever and you can't even think about it!

My Idea, so don't you steal it even though I have done none of the above

My Idea so don't even think about it just because!"

Etsy, I wish I could quit you.

A non-bitch friend of mine (who has been wanting to get into selling on Etsy after seeing my success there), was reading over this site and asked me a very large question today:

"I just read some of the shit you guys post and i'm thinking 'Why TF would I ever want to sell there? Ever?' "

The answer is: Etsy itself is fine. It's amazingly successful and a great many people have found at least a modicum of success on Etsy. People are making livelihoods there due to its being the biggest venue of its kind. It leaves Dawanda, Pinkdoodle, Lovli, bigcartel, icraft, and the others in the dust as far as size and exposure go.

It's the moment you have ANYTHING to do with the Etsy staff that it all goes to bollocks.

When you dare to ask a question about why thus or such happens, make a suggestion for an improvement, or god forbid criticise the way things are done, even merely request help, you'll finally find the chink in the armour. You will quickly be told by those in the forums and even Etsy staff, that: "it's not us, it's you". It's your problem if you aren't happy, it's your fault the site's not working, it's something you did to get you in the spot you're in, you ungrateful bastard. And sellers who ask for entirely reasonable things are viewed as insolent children who bite the hands that feed them. Cue the choir of cheerleaders who can cripple a wildebeast at 20 paces with chants of "if you don't like it, leave!".

Amazingly, the staff somehow doesn't make the correlation that it's the sellers that bring buyers in, and sellers who pay the bills, and sellers in reality do the real customer service to the buying public. They should be bending over backwards to not only serve them, but cater to them to keep them happy and earning the money that pays their salaries. Making the seller's life easier should take precedence over some inane flash plaything whose overspecialisation is so specific it is virtually useless to everyone.

In a business with a shopkeeper model it should be obvious to not piss off your sellers, to not call them demeaning things in public forums, to not talk down to them like children, to not call them ungrateful bastards or "grumpy haters", to not shut them down for sometimes fabricated events by jealous competitors or mistaken or unscrupulous buyers. You'd think that would be obvious. It seems to be so to everyone but Etsy. Such a business environment should offer them a wide berth and provide them the support and tools to make you more money. But Etsy does these horrid things to its money generating customers, and yet they really don't do anything at all to bring in new ones. They do no advertising, at least not in magazines that anyone actually reads.

They adamantly resist proven methods of the traditional old advertising geezers, even advocating its unhippness with their young city bohemian conceived ideals of current web technology and its need to be 'indie' - whatever the fuck that means. They instead go with an all word of mouth plan with hordes of prostrating housefraus preaching the gospel of Etsy to strangers at the street fair as if they were a new branch of the Mormons. I'm personally waiting for Mary Kay-style Etsy Parties with the level of fanaticism at play with the street teams. (Hey, that's my idea, I get a cut, damn it.)

And that's the damned shame of all this. Etsy would prefer to spend money on the office half pipe or paying staff to play Rockband than serve its fee paying customers. It's hard NOT to be disenchanted by that.

At times it seems as if the sellers care more than the staff about the site and its success, because for the most part it's entirely left on our shoulders. It's our job to not only make and sell our own goods, but to promote and market ourselves and Etsy.

Is it any wonder we're unhappy?

Advertising Schmadvertising

Once again, Mr. Swimmy reiterates that Etsy will not advertise itself by conventional means. They still will rely on grassroots and word-of-mouth advertising by its members, as well as the few selected and targeted ads Etsy runs to get more sellers. What they seem to be overlooking is the fact that Etsy needs buyers. Shops may bring in their own buyers, but then they diffuse to the entire site, limiting the benefit to the shop that brought them in. Plus, most sellers bring in other sellers. Perfect for Etsy, not-so-great for sellers.

Ok, so we're all aware of Etsy's philosophy on advertising and can make business decisions thusly. I get it. It still bothers me, but I understand it's their choice. Ok, ok. But are the pom poms necessary? I mean, c'mon! Having faith in the CEO when he has no plan in place for the site...he doesn't even know what he's going to do how can anyone else? And all happy that he's wearing a handmade shirt. A lot of people wear handmade items and when you run a handmade site you kind of have to! If he didn't he'd be thrown more crap. Plus, there have been statements about how stuffy ties and a suit are so if he ever appeared to be professional he'd be eating other admin's words.

K? 'nough said