Time for a Reality Check, Etsy?

Or how about a check up from the neck up?

We’ve been laughing so hard about the details of the new Etsy Merchandising Plan (from the new Merchandising Desk) that we could barely read the long list of themes revealed in one of the most bizarre bloggies EVER posted in the Dorque.

And what were we thinking? Waiting with bated breath for a clue about what we are supposed to be producing in our artisan studios for Etsy to pick for a Front Page Promotion, we just didn’t expect we’d be force to make..............doodads for the Kentucky Derby!?!?!? Oh goodness, now that’s a new twist on "handmade", dontcha think? Horsehair, anyone? (It’s a very flexible medium!)

The whole list sounds like an outline for a 19th Century Programme for festivities at the Country Club, raise your pinkies, grab your teacup, and lift that (upper class) lip!

Aha! But we’re taking a break from our equestrian related thoughts to put our own EB spin on this amazing list of Etsy Themes for May that have nothing in the entire universe to do with handmade, the artisan, the handmade product, the seller, the handmade store, ...or HANDMADE!

MAY PROGRAMME FROM THE EB MERCHANDISING DESK (Take a number and sit down in the velvet covered lounge and wait your turn, please):

UPCOMING EB CANNOT-LIVE-WITHOUT-DATES IN MAY:
May 1 - Oops, we forgot what they call these holiday things in those other countries out there.

May 2 - Dress appropriately in Etsy Approved Apparel adorned with your can’t live without Etsy Accessories that nobody really wears in public and get ye to the nearest OTB to start betting!

May 3 - Another Obscure Holiday, but let’s buck the trend and go shopping at big box stores anyway. Something may actually be on sale!

May 4 - Hmmm. What can we think of that will make people spend money on all those things we keep picking for the Front Page, day after day after day?

May 5 - Tacos and cervesas for everyone, let’s rub shoulders with South of the Border!

May 8 - A military-sounding holiday would be good to throw in here, and some reference to another country too, any will do!

May 10 - Mother’s Day? Whaaaaaa? Ya know, we were just too busy at Etsy to even think about this important retail holiday, and it’s boring. ‘Nuf said.

May 13 - OK, let’s all go to the movies and forget about shopping!

May 25 - Heads Up, Etsy Sellers! Get ready to start making Etsy-Themed Products for June!

May 25 - Isn’t there some kind of international athletic event that has nothing to do with selling and buying handmade? Come ON, we gotta think of something!

What more can we say? Etsy, you’re paying someone to come up with themes that have no connection to selling handmade online. We really want to be a fly on the wall at your next "Theme Staff Meeting" at Gold Street--care to turn on your videocam and let us in so we can eyeroll along with the rest of you??? Checks payable to blankety blank, filled out for CASH ONLY please.

QYDJ Redux, Bitchslap style

This isn't a Bitch aimed at Etsy admin. Nor even at a culture that exists ONLY on Etsy.

This is one Bitches' Bitch, and the other Bitches may totally disagree and may totally have different experiences. Consider this a Bitch Tips column rooted in one person's experience, and no more.

There's nothing that follows that I would not post to my own blog except that ya'll are so much more LIKELY to see it here. Naturally, anonymity then becomes necessary simply because, well, who trusts Etsy not to brickwall a Friend of Bitches or an infrequent Bitch? Also, I write this for you, not for my own glory and trackbacks, and no one can say otherwise cause where do you track back but here?

Like all business advice, what follows is like an orifice, you know the old saw. And it IS business advice - if you are selling for some date night money and the fun of making stuff, it's not going to do anything but piss you off to try and incorporate it, and you should continue rocking your craft just as you are.

Here is a learned in the trenches bit of bitching that's going to run counter to a lot of the Etsy promotional Myths out there. Yes Myths. As in "widely circulated and accepted BS."

MYTH 1: KNOWLEDGE. IT STARTS IN THE STORQUE. IT IS FOUND IN THE FORUM. SO THERE.

The best advice you're going to get may not be via the Storque or via the forums. There's life beyond both. Google is your friend, or your SE of choice if you're anti-Google. So are books, those hard leafy things. You know what I mean. Jeebus, Suzy, get out of the forums and ask Google your question like "how to improve my product photos?" "How to promote on a budget?" Notice that Suzy rarely makes it out of the Etsy forums though, and her notion of promotion is "I posted every day to threadkilling games in promos, still not selling, sigh."

MYTH 2. OMG - THIS SELFLESS GURU JUST LEFT ME SEVEN TIPS WITH 25 LINKS TO THEIR BLOGS, KEWL.

Reading an About.com column on Guerilla Marketing, or even the book by that title cover to cover, does not make you an expert on such. Hey, I have gurus and pundits I like. I sometimes look at Seth Godin, or the collective widsom of some of the people over at The Switchboards, even. Just, you know. Have a high bar and don't get onto the first bandwagon you encounter, eh? Hint: a lot of the people making a lot of sales on the net are way too busy selling making and shipping their shiz to make a ton of "how I made sales" products and postings but really do answer questions and really will help a noob out!

MYTH 3. PROMOTION = WHEW I PROMOTED HARD TODAY! I POSTED TO INDIEPUBLIC, CRAFTSTER, WE LOVE ETSY, AND MYSPACE. LOTS!

I am not one for rules and telling people what to do or think, but I'm going to do it now. For the love of God, for the love of everyone's Twitterfeeds, please, Etsians, craft seller noobs, everyone - PLEASE consider the following: ROI isn't just a phrase about money - apply it to your TIME.

It is good to be present as many places as possible. Join all the Ning networks, have a Myspace page, have a Facebook for sure, Twitter - definitely have a blog. Now here comes the unpopular part: your work is pretty much done. Get your supercraft shiz up on a page, a smily-happy-you picture, a link to www.mycraftyshiz.com (which may or MAY NOT point to etsy, oui?)

The exception to this would be your blog, which you should do evey day. (I don't, but should.)

Add some myspace or VOX or indiepublic friends if you really have nothing to do and nothing to make and nothing to ship. Visit it on the odd month. It will go on without you, adding a little bit of value to your blog, page, and etsy page rank. A blogger may find you thus. Periodically repost a post from your blog to its blog, that's a good thing to do once in a while - think of it like coning your ears, not like brushing your teeth.

MYTH 4. IF I DON'T PLAN ON BEING ON A SITE EVERY DAY PUTTING UP A PAGE = STUPID.

DO use social media, I'm not saying don't do it. Use as many platforms as you have time to add in - presence is GOOD. Hang out on the ones you like - I'm a facebook person with periodic binges of adding myspace friends if the pages are ones I find interesting enough and local to me particularly. Drop a few bulletins, but really, go do something more productive in a few minutes. Do not get sucked in.

The only BUSINESS perk to MOST social media is probably the increase of YOUR pagerank a TEENY BIT. (Your page which may or MAY NOT point to etsy, oui? oui?)

I'm on facebook - to talk to my friends! A few etsy friends but mostly people I went to school with or know somehow. I'm on twitter - to drop random links and quips when I have NOTHING ELSE TO DO and to sometimes link to a new item I really want my ego stroked over.

A few people will often say "hey, yo, nice craft crap there." That's all I expect and all I want. I do not want to be the person tweeting every advertising utterance that might come into my head. I do not want to be the person tweeting "BUY MY CRAP" to a host of people who want me to buy their crap mostly. Because it's just not worth it.

R to the O to the I. Tattoo it on your hand, tape it to your wall, ask yourself if you are honoring it when you are sitting in Etsy chat hoping someone might buy your crap.

MYTH 5. HTML AND OTHER CODE - DO NOT WANT! IM'A GET RICH ON ETSY BY POSTING FREEEE TO CRAIGSLIST AND FACEBOOK, THEN HIRE AEOLIDIA AND THUSLY ROCK!

I'm gonna be a bossy bitch for a moment and lay some opinion on you.

Best first online promotional expendture - your own domain name and hosting. What if Brooklyn had a giant internet-killing 350 foot sloth attack tomorrow? Huh?

Best free thing you can do with it - put up a WP blog on it, even on a subdomain or sub directory. Those things pull traffic like a caffeinated ox, I shit you not.

Why? In my personal experience - pointing a paid ad to an etsy shop is about as useful as pointing it to ebay or a cave in the woods. Point the ad to YOU and then if people want to etsy from there, make it easy for them.

Best free promotional strategies for your first year: if you do not know enough CSS and HTML to hack a WP template or style a simple site for yourself PLEASE OH PLEASE TAKE THE TIME TO LEARN IT. I don't believe in hiring designers before you know enough to have some rudimentary understanding of what they're doing and how they do it so you aren't completely at someone else's mercy every time you want to widen a column. Making yourself a placeholder this is Suzy this is her spiffy shiz site is really really important.

Addendum: If you are not taking really really good photos, not just clear, but GOOD - PLEASE OH PLEASE LEARN HOW ASAP. Or sell in person mainly. There's no law that says you have to rely on etsy. But there is a law of online sales which says if it doesn't grab me by the nads and make me go "I can haz?" it's not going to sell.

Those time investments, though, have serious serious ROI attached to them, unlike gathering adult camgirls on Myspace as friends (unless that's a customer base for you, and it could be) Who knows, you may become a CSS junkie and do projects for noobs for $. You may be able to hire out your product photo skills to the local bead store periodically. Capiche? No one said your "day job" had to suck azz.

MYTH 6. PAID ADS ARE A WASTE , DYING BREED, WORD OF MOUTH IS WHERE IT'S AT, LEMME SPAM TWITTER SOME MORE.

Here's an ugly truth that people do not want to address often because it hurts feelings. YOU MUST PUT $$$ INTO PROMOTING A BIZ. If you do not plan on spending anything ever on getting yourself out there, you are hurting your business. Like going medieval on its little cute pikachu eyes self.

I certainly know broke. I know broke-ass broke. It's not easy. That's why you KEEP some of that day job money or you reserve some of that craft show money, or you borrow 200 bucks from a friend who gets what you're trying to do until you do not have to do such things - to be visible. Period. Stumbleupon advertising or Adwords type stuff is a good start.

Which is a good ad? An insular 10 cent spot on a craft blog with 6 readers running Project Wonderful ads because you like the chick with the blog ?

Or A 10 cent Project Wonderful spot on a NON-craft blog?

Come on, Suzy. I know you can answer this, please. Etsy noobs have this incredible tenacity about the importance of marketing to other crafters. Doesn't anyone eventually sit up and say "I would pay 30 bucks to get out of this circle-jerk?" "I would pay 30 bucks a month to be able to make some more amigurumi or feed my children or take a walk instead of posting like a deranged squirrel on Ning communities?"

Every time a non-supplier buys an ad on a site where only crafters hang an angel pulls its feathers out.

It is definitely possible to waste money on a paid ad that you think is where the shopper ladies hang - sometimes ads will misfire. I've placed a few bombs. Expensive bombs, but I didn't buy them unless I knew they might.

This is the ugly truth. Many many indie businesses you see with sidebar ads and blog features everywhere on earth making sales out the azz got that way by eating tuna and rice so they could afford their first ads. They understood and were willing if barely able to shoulder the risk. Don't do something you can't do - but DO do the most you can afford. At every step. I know there are exceptions and people very talented with social netowrking, but frankly, me bringing my A game means being willing to invest. Time - in a smart way. Money - in a smart way.

When I started out, print it yourself business cards were the most I could do - so I do understand. But to grow you need to bust ass. Busting ass is not enhanced, but sidetracked by placing spam on every city's craigslist when you could just put 20 bucks into adwords or renew 5 bucks worth of listings or email 10 blogs with nice pics and "hi, like your blog. Wanna post my shiz? thanks!" (Jena at Modish has great how-tos for how to do this, that was the vastly abbreviated version)

-or get out yo, and scope out the boutiques near you. Or email them if they're not near you.

This said, your paid ad is as good as its 1. placement 2. design.
If those are both azz, you will get nothing. Do not buy visual ad placement unless you are secure with the look and the notion that the venue is talking to the peeps who will buy from you.

7 .ETSY IS REALLY ABOUT THE SANCTITY OF HANDMADE IT'S JUST CONFUSED SO LOOKS LIKE A CRAFT MAGAZINE SPINOFF WITH ALT-CRAFT ONLY. IT ONLY PROMOTES HOT GLUED TOGETHER NEON HOODIES WHEN IT'S DRINKING - ONE DAY IT WILL WISE UP AND LOVE ME BECAUSE IT ALWAYS TELLS ME IT KNOWS NO NICHE, AND IT LOVES ME, REALLY IT DOES!

Rail against, Bitches, but also accept Etsy as it is, until and if otherwise. At least with half your heart and soul. Use the other half to Bitch for betterment.


Etsy says it's about everything handmade. Craftster says "no tea cozies without irony."

Neither stays totally on target with their mission - Craftster is actually a much softer more booster-y happy place where your non-ironic tea cozy is still considered rad enough - hey, that's cool. Etsy dangles the bait for higher end NICHE Magazine worthy work, but makes it a complete bitch to be seen and does nothing to bring in that customer base, does as much as it can to scare it away in fact - staying a bastion of modern cool under $200, brooklyn emo, or shabby chic ALT-craft in its promotions, self-concept, and de-facto identity. Not cool - and I say this from within that market niche, happily selling. I don't like that it tries to be everything and hands out so much fail to so many peeps. Please look at this powerful but potentially dangerous or merely useless animal as what it is, not the cuddly friend you want and it says it is, right?

Craftster isn't fuckin' with all the people's money. So they get a pass for fronting more hipster ironic than they actually are. Etsy is selling itself as something it is not to a lot of talented makers who are trying to find their way on the internet without a ton of technical knowledge or marketing savvy.

It doesn't bug me as much that they have a niche, but that they INSIST they don't. That is way way way uncool.

It would be like BUST craftacular accepting a whole slough of artisans they know won't sell anything there for the table fees, which they don't do because they run a good show and a tight ship. Besides, then their TARGET MARKET doesn't have to wade through miles of things they don't want to buy. Everyone's happier. Bringing hundreds of thousands of people to a site where they can't navigate to find what they actually want to buy is not a great sales strategy, duh!

Etsy IS what it IS. Bitching for change is good, but it's also like accepting a dysfunctional parent. They are who they are - you try to help, but you stop enabling. To succeed sometimes you need to look outward as well as homeward. Take what you can from them, they're not all bad, and maybe they DO love you but can't figure out how.

MYTH 8. SUCCESS AND $$$ AND NO MORE DAY JOB = ETSY, WHAT COULD IT BE BUT ETSY?

TRUTH: Do what you always do and get what you always got. Or the Einstein def. of insanity - doing the same thing, expecting different results.


If you're not aiming for or selling to that BUST Craftacular Williamsburg Gawker handmade type audience who find putting ABC gum into testubes as decorative housewares thrilling, etsy is a keen portfolio page at best, or a good place to do a cheaper more editionable spinoff line.

If you're not selling on Etsy and it's not because your work is really poor and you've only been crafting for ten minutes, chances are you WILL sell somewhere. No, no chances are. You WILL sell somewhere. You do have to find it, however. It may not be Etsy, not today anyway.

It may not be online. You may have to pay to play. You may have to work with stores much more extensively (are you courting stores? It's really easy, actually, it's so much less painful than it sounds - stores are often dying for new merch. Use the internets to find them! They also use etsy to find you!)

Really. This is not a "well fine leave then" post at all, but a reverse etsy rah-rah for getting your OWN site done, submitting how-tos to the mags and photos to the Lark books, to approaching galleries, to using etsy and not letting it use you. Referring a prospective store to a really nicely stocked Etsy page that doesn't necessarily have sales up the wazoo can look nice and polished, especially if you're a techno-noob. Until you are no longer one or until you have enough stores that you don't need to care.

In summation: not selling on etsy? Try everything that isn't Etsy, in addition to what you're doing. Better yet, if YOUR CUSTOMER is not on Etsy, figure out


1. who that is

2. where they are

3. go there

Not another "Handmade Weddings" and stream of consciousness from Etsy (again)!

Now that Etsy has announced another foregone conclusion - their “marketing themes plan” for the next several months, we’d like to say, “Thank you Etsy” for forgetting (again) about including your sellers in your new plan for the site and telling them what you want them to make that suits Etsy's tastes. At least we're not the only one who is seeing what is happening.

Like the famous and stagnant and repetitive Gift Guides, like the Etsy takeover (and extensive editing) of the Front Page Treasuries to promote yet again the same stores they promote in all other areas of the site - Etsy sellers are presented with a “creative plan” that was put together with very little (if any) seller input. Etsy said it’s so, and therefore Etsy sellers will have to adapt to something that sounds a little... airy fairy???

Oh, the trendy titles like “Earthtones” and “Etsy-Eco” are so... Etsy-ish!!!

We sellers are ooooohing and aaaaahhhhing at the lofty, completely confusing Etsy-isk rhetoric:

“Our plan is to communicate upcoming merchandising themes in advance each month. If you are designing new handmade items that fit well into our thematic calendar, we encourage you to make and list them as we introduce upcoming themes in advance. Tagging relevant items with appropriate themed tags is a great way to get on board with our merchandising efforts.”

“Thematic Calendar” – geeeeez loooeeeze!!

But wait! Etsy is the expert on what their shoppers like!

“We are following what shoppers are looking for (on Etsy and in the retail world at large) and we want to share those insights with you. Think of it as a promotional initiative that you can opt into if it's a good fit. If your items don't fit a theme, don't worry. These themes — loosely interpreted so we can highlight a diversity of items — will not take over 100% of the site, but will be sprinkled throughout to greet shoppers and give them touch stones.”

Touch Stones!!!! Poetic!

How about this: Etsy promotes what Etsy likes, including a small number of stores that produce those Etsy products for the Etsy price so that Etsy can promote them in their now “themed” (and oh so completely confusing, ridiculous titles that make no sense) sections SO THAT ETSY CAN CONTINUE TO PROMOTE THE STORES THAT ETSY PROMOTED ALL THROUGH 2008 AND INTO 2009. That’s “what shopper are looking for” on Etsy ‘cause that ALL ETSY PROMOTES!

The gig is up Etsy. You’re just calling it something else. It’s no different than what you’ve been doing for the last 14 months.

Only your language has gotten more obscure than ever. Etsy-speak = gobbledegook squared.

Good luck shoppers! If you can figure out what the hell Etsy is selling, good for you. Otherwise, there are plenty of sellers that used to be on Etsy but left for better sites. Where the shopping tools are clear, quick, easy and checkout is a breeze.

The Holiday Marketing Plan

Here we are, the end of October and Etsy has finally released the details of their holiday marketing plan...which should be in motion already...too late for their customers (who rely on it) to comment on it.

We've been spitting and sputtering behind the scenes wondering why Etsy is still so ignorant about their own potential audience.

In case you missed it, the full-page ads feature a single seller. That's right...ONE SELLER OUT OF THE MORE THAN 100,000 ACTIVE SHOPS.

They don't even touch on the full spectrum of items available on Etsy. No mention of supplies and vintage. If anything they should have featured an item from the 'majority', which would be jewelry, the most saturated category. How was the one seller picked? If anyone knows we'd love to be enlightened. (And no, we're not commenting on the seller or their items, just on the completely biased exposure of the ads)

For the sake of our sanity, I'll bullet point what is constantly being ignored:

• There is more than one type of item on Etsy
• There is more than one type of seller on Etsy
• There is more than handmade on Etsy
• The admin favorites and NYC/admin style is not the only thing on Etsy

We've received a number of private comments regarding this, and if I overstep in quoting, our apologies, but these summed it up pretty well:

"I think etsy marketed that ad to new sellers. SHE is the biggest part-"meet unique" people think I'm like her, I can make those. I can sell there!
There's no holiday frills, there's no marketing of items with broad appeal, altho cute, no mention of all buying needs being met"

"This whole thing has made me realize that, actually, Etsy has begun to put forth a pretty consistent message. I think that ad represents exactly how they see themselves. I think they're pretty strongly opposed to work that looks too shiny; it's the hip indie shabby thing, exemplified in that horrendous craft show table and their kiddie playland offices.
They want to be cutesy. Look at the way they act and the crap they do in the Labs.
I'm realizing that they're branding themselves this way, and that's fine, but it's not what I want for my work. And not, I suspect, what the great majority of their sellers want. The admins and their advertising "plan" are pigeonholing the site into a pretty limited demographic. "

"Gotta hand it to 70 people who, after 4 years, have no imagination at all.
The hell with the ads, they started too late and they are ho-hum, old school. For an online store destination, they don't even scratch the online ad potential. Or reach out to the audience they love so much."

What happened to the poster sketch contest winners that highlighted at least a few items or categories? Those could have been turned into ads. Some sampling that doesn't give all the traffic to a particular shop.

Here is the accompanying forum thread

Etsy's Holiday Marketing Plan

There have been questions as to whether Etsy would follow through and actually have a marketing plan for the holidays. Well, it's up. But there's no timeline! In today's chatt with Matt it was mentioned that there may be a meeting about it on Sept 26. Is that really enough time? All of this needs to be out before November to be effective. This is an international online venue - things need to be shipped!

I guess we'll all just have to wait and see. Full page ads positioned to target buyers would be really, really nice. (Yes, they DID mention those!) Along with better SEO. Two topics that have been hot in the forums in the past.

May we suggest the addition of something to the list though? Fix the search. Please! It's great to advertise, but it only works if people can find things.

Kudos to Etsy on following through on a promise, but the timeline is a big part of it that's missing(a November/December contest doesn't count). You're getting there, kids.

Edit: Based on a reader's comment from the chat, he did state a potential, and soon, timeline for the ads (October through December)...which was only known to those in the chat at that time. Better, but not quite there yet on the whole communication and timeline thing.

"Look Honey - A Back-to-School Promotion!!"

Quicker than you can say "Oh shit, we forgot!" those fab Etsy Admins have slapped together a "promotion" for the Back-to-School and Off-to-College Etsy buyers.

Did they make an announcement in the Forums? Yeah on page six of this thread. Send out an email announcement? Um, that would be like spam. Buy ad space in Bust magazine? Hellz NO! That would cost money!

So the fine folks at Etsy put up a Storque article announcing a Back-to-School showcase that goes on sale, tomorrow. But don't bother buying, unless you're selling clothing. Apparently, that's the only category worth promoting.

From the Auxiliary: Marketing Etsy Style

Now you and I know a good a bit about marketing just from being aware of the world around us. We know stores carry goods for the upcoming season, not for the season that is ending. We also understand why; people generally like to buy goods that they soon will need, not goods they will need eventually and have to store for awhile.

But Etsy is smarter than that. That is why they will be starting the "Back to School" feature after most students are actually back in school. I am sure that there will be millions of people out there who after their first few days in school will say, "I hate this Walmart junk, it's destroying my soul," come to Etsy, see the "Back to School" promotion, and start shopping. It is much more likely than people coming to Etsy before school starts and going shopping for school related items. Maybe. Not.

Will they start the Halloween promotions in late October? Will Winter Holiday features come in mid-December? Do they know shipping takes time too, so they need to plan that much more ahead? Do we have to send them a calendar with dates circled for when they should start these seasonal promotions? And most importantly, will my shop be mysteriously closed if I do send them a calendar with... umm, strongly worded directions?

The author of the above is right. Etsy is yet again dropping the marketing clue ball.

Several years ago Food Network (finally!) caught on that showing programs packed with delectable Christmas recipes would be more useful in November when you are beginning to think what you want to serve on the big day. Every year I would bitch at the screen "It's 11pm December 23rd! Why show me this now!? I needed this a week ago!" Now they are two weeks to a month ahead of major holiday binge fests. Now on Xmas day you watch shows for appetizers and tasty kibbles for your New Years parties.

The B&M guys have known this marketing fast forward for decades, that's why you have known since birth that the day after Thanksgiving is the official start of Xmas.

Can't Etsy do ONE thing in symmetry with any other retailing standard?