Etsybitches, you won't believe it. As I was walking through Brooklyn today, I spotted two hipsters talking about hammock injuries and glitter. Suspecting that they were indeed etsy staffers, I tried my hand at some Emma Peel spy action. Sure enough, when one of their bags fell apart (the duct tape and staples didn't hold), a paper fell to the ground. You can't believe how excited I was when I picked it up and realized it was a rough outline of their new credits and referral program! Answers at last! Behold:
Welcome to EtsyHos, etsy's exciting new referral and rewards program! Become an EtsyHo and earn credits for rewards by sending emails to all of your friends, placing Etsy flyers* under windshield wipers or wearing an adorable Etsy sandwich board** on a busy street corner!
EtsyHo Points will accumulate and generate rewards by following a Fibonacci sequence.***
Here are just a few of the great rewards EtsyHos can earn!
- Come to EtsyLabs and clean the Swimmy-poo out of the Swimmy-tank!
- A six month extension on all of your listings! (You won't believe how deep you'll be buried!)
- Spin the Etsy Idea Wheel to pick our next new feature!
- For one day, your items won't show up in the default search. Nope, not at all! (If you are a vintage or supply seller, your listings will be entirely hidden for the day.)
- Be an etsy darling for a day: get front page exposure and have your shop mentioned by fawning admin!****
- Revolving Dork will clear your cache, if you know what we mean.
- Star in our latest How-To video! We'll be printing up all the user suggestions in our virtual Idea Box, shredding them and using them to make octopus piñatas!
- Fake mustaches!
- We'll put listings from other sellers in your shop so everyone knows how much you support the community
- Two words: Cup. Cake.
THE FINE PRINT:
* Users must Gocco their own flyers. Gocco equipment, ink and paper not supplied by etsy.
** See the latest Storque article for a great how-to on making sandwich boards (you'll need suspenders, garbage bags and plaster).
*** Sounds smart, doesn't it? Our staff amanuensis thinks he knows what it means.
**** Please note: this reward is only open to current Etsy Darlings.
I think we need to write up another rewards program for EtsyDarlings! Hilarious!