"Dear Etsy" letter for the ages

With no further ado, this might be the Best. Letter. Evar. This one needs to be sold for framing!

I'm sure this might come as a bit of a shock considering our history together, but I think it's for the best.

Sure, we seemed like one of those couples who would "make it." You're a handmade venue with a ton of traffic. I was a top seller with an impressive amount of sales. But I'm a commercial supplier, and frankly, our relationship is more than a bit one-sided and I just can't take it anymore.

Sure, you love having girls like me around when you want to look studly with those sales numbers. They get a both of us a lot of attention. You're a great-looking site on the surface, and I have tons of products. We make an attractive pair. And we both know that I'm not even close to the best looking girl out there- there are real knockouts like BlackSheepBeads and ArtfulMarket. But this isn't about them, it's about me and you.

When we're at home, it's like my needs never even matter. You KNOW that it takes a lot of effort for me to look this good. Do you think I wake up in the morning and roll out of bed with 50 sales a day? Someone's making sure those items get listed on a timely schedule and it sure as hell isn't YOU! You don't lift a finger! You just sit around and act like it's your God-given right to steal all the credit when I'm the one doing all the work. But when people complain that I get too much attention, you never stick up for me! You just let me hang out to dry.

And speaking of behind closed doors, what the hell is it with the lack of stats and other basic administrative functions? That may have been okay in the 90s, but it's a new decade and girls these days expect you to put in time DOWN THERE, especially if YOU expect US to do it. Don't tell me it's too hard because everyone is different. What do you think I am, an idiot?! This isn't my first time to the rodeo. I've been with other sites! I know what's out there!

And don't tell me that you're doing the best you can, because we both know you're not. Who the HELL told you that being able to submit a lousy TEN feedbacks at once actually counted as "batch" ANYTHING? Or that taking out one picture made an invoice "printer friendly"?? Just because all of the things I have to change appear on one page doesn't make it any easier if I still have to click on every single item!

Not to mention all the glitches I have to deal with, like lost e-mail notifications and payment checkboxes not automatically updating. I've bitched about that one for months! Apparently you've gotten so comfortable in our relationship that you think it's a-okay to just let yourself go!

Face it: In the "private time" category, YOU TOTALLY SUCK! And I'm telling all my girlfriends!!

And you know what else I NEVER liked? The way you dis me to your friends like I'm not good enough. If you didn't want to date commercial suppliers you should have just said so back in 2007 and taken the fallout like a man. But now we've been together for YEARS, and instead of making it up to me like you always said you would, you keep me hidden away off the default search so you can pretend I don't exist, and I'm supposed to just be cool with it and take what I can get. Well, I'm tired of it! I'm just as good as those other stores! Plenty of sites are proud to have me on there with everyone else!

The worst part is that I've been trying to make it work between us for so long that it's changed me into a person I didn't want to be. I started to lower my standards and treat MY customers the way you treat ME. And that is just WRONG. They deserve better, and so do I.

That's why I've decided to go back to my first site on Ebay. That's right, EBAY. I know what you're going to say- that they're big and impersonal, and cost too much, and all that. But you know what? Even if they were, it's worth it because Ebay gives me what I need. In fact, they've been there for me the whole time I've been with you. They've never stopped loving me. How do you like THEM apples!

So we're through, Etsy. It'll take me a while to move out all my stuff, but anything left here after my listings have expired, you can just keep or toss.

Girl, I'm on my way over with the EtsyBitch Bus to move your shit out! For refusing to take that abusive open marriage as well as having a pair of big brass ones, and for the line "girls these days expect you to put in time DOWN THERE, especially if YOU expect US to do it" Etsy Bitch hereby awards Charmerz an EB Award for Valor.

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