Saturday, July 19, 2008

From the Bitches Auxiliary: Black-Market Cupcakes

Pssst.......Hey You!
"Me?"
:quietly: Yeah, you! Want a cupcake?
"Sure! Thanks! You are the best ever! It has a LOT of frosting and hardly any cake, but mmmmmmmm delicious! I'm so happy you are doing this! You-Ra-Rah!" :nomnomnom:

Psst........Hey You!
"Me?"
:quietly: Yeah, you! Want a cupcake?
" Who made it? Are the ingredients organic? Does it come from a licensed kitchen? What flavors are available? It would be nice if I could choose my own frosting. How many other cupcake eaters chose the same kind as I? Is this the same cupcake everyone else is getting? You took a poll awhile ago, is this reflecting the results of what people want, or is this your own cupcake idea? I may be allergic to some of your new flavors, can you tell me the exact ingredients?"

Psst........Hey You!
"Me?"
:quietly: Yeah, you! Want a cupcake?
"I buy other people's cupcakes but I still have in interest in cupcakes. I think certain cupcake eaters have an agenda, it's the same 9 cupcake eaters always asking questions. Who cares who made it? It's none of your business, you should shut up and take the cupcake and just eat it. If it makes you sick or you have an allergic reaction, then you'll know and you can go get your cupcakes somewhere else!"

39 Comments:

ShrugItOff said...

"You took a poll awhile ago, is this reflecting the results of what people want, or is this your own cupcake idea?"


Great writing!


"the same 9 cupcake eaters" hahahaha.

Who *are* these mysterious 9?? I hope the accusers will pop on it and enlighten us!

BoroBabe1020 said...

Good satire!

Wende said...

Ok, seriously... this etsy 9 business is too much.

I actually had a dream where a list of us who are allegedly the nine was finally revealed. There were 72 names on the list.

The Funny One said...

Oh, that's what that damn 9-cup thingies thing is in my cupboard - to make cupcakes!

Or were you story-telling about a cat's nine lives....... can't get it straight here, I lose concentration. My head is too full of unravelling threads.....

Ivydee said...

I think we ALL should put "9" into our avatars.

The Righteous One said...

heheh the three types of Etsians ;)

old hippie bitch said...

Yeah, all frosting...

The Incredulous One said...

I love this. I wish the thought that went into Etsy's planning was half as creative as the thought that goes into these parodies.

never go in the forums anymore said...

I think somebody COPIED my cupcakes.

eclipse said...

Some sock puppet that registered yesterday posted that they thought "the 9" were the 10 original EB owners, minus one "person being addressed". It was confusing but it makes no sense because the "person being addressed" isn't one of the EB owners so why would they be subtracted? Shouldn't they be added?
It would actually be 11+1, not 10-1.
And different people were being addressed each time this nine nonsense came out, which also confuses the math.

Also, now we are not even allowed to type the number nine on the forums, LOL.

Kali said...

Every time I hear about mysterious groups of people - like the real identities of the Bitches, or this new bizarro Etsy 9 thing, I think of Spartacus. Or Harvey Dent.

furr-ball said...

I've seen some crazy cupcake loving going on the past two days. I think this one was the strangest. But I think it was more of a gag than anything.

http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=13506981

Notice the knife in the second pic. WOW! Somebody has serious anti-icing issues and needs some help stat!

The Kinky One said...

Seriously Eclipse? Putting a 9 in your thread title will get it locked?

*snickers*

The Etsy Nine: A conspiracy therory for the mathmatically-challenged.

Morrigan said...

I'm a bad, bad girl......
http://www.etsy.com/forums_thread.
php?thread_id=5720104

TheSneakyOne said...

*snickers* Man, that was funny. 9? I don't get it. ^__^

dontremember said...

Sometimes it can be dangerous when someone says, "just close your eyes and put it in your mouth"...



I'm thinking of my very first boyfriend. lol

eclipse said...

Yep Kinky, I had a completely harmless and silly thread locked yesterday that was just making fun of MYSELF, just because it had nines in it. The paranoia is staggering. They probably think the santas reindeer names all represent admins, or the banana splits song has backward messages to overthrow etsy.

I think we have to count from 8 straight to ten now. The number nine has been redacted.

The Disgruntled One said...

I think the comment was directed at GreenMamba, and it was something like "You and the other nine people who are always bitching", which implied that the commenter was talking about EtsyBitch and that GreenMamba was one of the ten of us.

Many have guessed, none have been right so far.

eclipse said...

Oh I thought it was directed at someone else! I think it was directed at different people in different threads but none of them are owners here.

Seems like most of the "guesses" I have seen publicly posted are very lazy and illogical. There's no real detective work based on writing style or anything, they just pick on the few commenters who post with their real names here and decided those must be the owners?
The owners want to stay anonymous and therefore do not post with their real names here. Duh! They post with their pseudonyms.

violet said...

I think thekinkyone has just outed herself! Who else on Etsy posts in the forum using nom nom nom?

Violet said...

2nd try:

I think thekinkyone just outed herself. Who else posts on the Etsy forums using nom nom nom?

TheSneakyOne said...

Awww.. Violet, we're a moderated blog.

As for NOM NOM NOM, there's at least 20 people who use it. (540 threads were returned using the words "nom nom nom" and not all of them were the same poster) Nice try.

The Sparkly One said...

Also, this is a quote that someone else sent us. When the text appears in a big ol' block 'o blue, it means one of our clever readers sent it.

Seriously, y'all are so witty, we're constantly amazed at the great stuff that we get.

eclipse said...

violet said...

I think thekinkyone has just outed herself! Who else on Etsy posts in the forum using nom nom nom?
...
um, everyone?
it's a common forum catchphrase. Even some admins use it.
OH NOES! The etsybitches are actually admins!!!!!

Ben Can Dance Creations said...

Yeah, I've seen "nom nom nom" a LOT.

I wouldn't even start to guess who the bitches are. To be honest, I don't care. I don't mean that in a snarky way just that the content of this blog, the creative writing and the humorous comments are what keep me returning. Not trying to figure out who all the EBs are. It's irrelevant.


I *do* get upset though when it's implied, assumed, totally GUESSED that I may be one of the Etsy Bitches because I was once banned along with 4 other people. I know for an absolute FACT that none of the 5 that were banned have anything to do with the creation or maintaining of this blog ("not that there's anything wrong with that"). So, please....LAY OFF the assumptions, those-who-continue-to-bring-it-up
-in-every-Etsy thread! "Please with a cupcake on top"

Heather said...

nom nom nom is now secret code? Srsly? Oh noes!!!

I say nom nom nom on about 5 other websites AND IRL when I want to annoy my DH! I mean, who *doesn't* say nom nom nom?

Morgana said...

I think that nom nom nom started out on LOLcats, but I could be wrong.



"I buy other people's cupcakes...etc."

You know, I think that PD needs to STFU, KWIM?

The Kinky One said...

Violet darling,

Sorry to disappoint you, but no. As the Sparkly One mentioned, text in blue is quoted text. A post which is titled "From the Bitches Auxiliary" means that it was emailed to us by one of our readers.

Anything I have to say will be in white backgroud, where I usually don't say too much. The quotes speak for themselves. My thing isn't generally article writing, so many of the Bitches here do that far better than I ever could. So I lurk in the forums, find amusing/ironic or wjw things to share here.

Chances are you've never even seen a post from me in the forums. But for shits 'n' giggles I'll give you two clues:

1. I've posted at least once in Scotia Made's "STAND IN AWE MORTALS!" thread.

2. I've posted at least once in threads started by Recovery Babe.

Now if you truly don't have a life, cross reference those two clues. Otherwise - chill and don't let it bug you at night.

Violet said...

Well, if my not knowing blue highlighting indicated quoted material sent in didn't tell you I don't hang around here much, let me just say that now I know why! I thought the point was to skewer Etsy, not your readers.

kinkyone, my German Shepherd does sarcasm better than you do.

Love, Violet

The Righteous One said...

There IS a reason we call ourselves bitches.

If anyone wants to see a lot of nomnomnom visit cuteoverload.com, icanhascheezburger.com, and icanhashotdog.com

The Disgruntled One said...

"Well, if my not knowing blue highlighting indicated quoted material sent in didn't tell you I don't hang around here much, let me just say that now I know why! I thought the point was to skewer Etsy, not your readers."

Honey, outing someone (wrongly) as an Etsy Bitch editor doesn't put you in the "readers" camp. It puts you in the "asshats who keep trying to identify us and don't have a clue" camp.

We skewer asshats all the time, baby.

nom nom nom

The Cranky One said...

MMMMM, I love the smell of skewered asshats in the morning!

(If you wait until afternoon they start to small all funky and gross)

The Kinky One said...

I was being bitchy, not sarcastic. But if it makes you feel better, your German Shepherd can have the gold star for sarcasm.

The Kinky One said...

"I thought the point was to skewer Etsy, not your readers."

Yep, but you were doing a tad more than reading you were attempting to do a little outing.

That makes it open season.

The Funny One said...

Open season? Goody, goody, finally some action around here!

Just be careful who you take on your hunting trip: no vice presidents (can't shoot straight), no asshats IN hats (avatar or not) and no shit Sherlocks.

The sun just glints off their magnifying glasses and scare the animals.

Violet said...

Last time I was here was several months ago when identifying people seemed to be some kind of game (in which I didn't participate). My comment was in that vein, I'm sorry it bothered you so much.

Looks like you've received some threats, Etsy is looking, god only knows.

Everyone feel better for having beat up a stranger? You get back what you put out. Good luck!

The Kinky One said...

Violet,

I think as Ben Can Dance pointed out, the false accusations can be a touchy issue to put it mildly. Lots of stupid crap going around the forums lately implying/accusing who writes EB (the stupid Etsy 9 thing and such). In addition, we had one incident here in comments about a month ago where someone was accused of being one of EB and the accuser went over the top with some nasty personal things to say about them as well.

That in part led to comments being moderated here.

I think I would have been better off responding only the first time about being hypothetically outed or maybe not at all. For my overeaction, I apologize.

Violet said...

Thank you, the kinky one.

I haven't been on Etsy's forums much lately and missed the whole issue there too. So much of the forums there just began to seem like a waste of time, rme.

I apologize for inadvertently stepping in it and for stirring it up again.

I can see why Etsy would be interested in shutting down shop owners here because you do a lot of good reporting.

I appreciate that at this point I feel I can return here to catch up. Thank you.

stace said...

"you’re lucky if you only get butterflies. i’ve got six flying saucers in mine."