Friday, April 1, 2011

Friday Funnies


Seven Page Article about Etsy and our beloved red headed swindlerkind. Get the tequila out, you are gonna be needing it and the darts. Couple pics of Rokali to aim your pointy tipped loathing at.

I wish I could say this was april fools...

Scans Courtesy of Freaky Old Woman's Flickr:
View Page: Cover 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8

EDIT: NOW ONLINE - CLICK HERE

44 Comments:

iheartrob4ever said...

I love how he looks like he's 12 and has no clue to what he's doing. Just like in real life.

HoneyBear said...

Makes his own underwear... talk about bunched twisted wedged panties. What do you think? are they upcycled from a felted wool sweater?

Evermore Organics said...

I shouldn't have read that. Seriously.

bleh bleh meh said...

What kind of person carries a combat knife and points it at interviewers?

I worked at a coffeehouse in New Orleans and the homeless gutter punks did that sort of crap all the time. It was annoying.

Kiki said...

unfortunately a reality and not an April Fool's joke

so sad

sark said...

I really really want to believe this is some sort of April Fools Tom-Fuckery here.
I really do. I mean that.

Tired of Fools said...

Just more of rewarding bad behavior. So, the red-headed brat in the back of the class blowing spit wads gets all the attention. So typical.

No one wants to reward the venues who do a good job and actually listen to what their customers want and need in order to sell.

In todays world of Charlie Sheen on a rant and brat pack stars coming of age competing for the badge of "Most Irresponsible," it's just not newsworthy.

Etsy and RK seem bent on garnering as much bad publicity as possible because where publicity is concerned bad or good still equals Cha Ching!!! In fact, bad publicity trumps good these days.

Bet Maria is thanking her lucky stars that she's not involved in this crap.

Eveline said...

Regretsy is a fan-site? I thought it was a place where they took the piss out of the insane stuff you can find on Etsy. My bad.

Also nice that Kalin's 'longtime friend' says that there's a lot of junk on Etsy. The article mostly mentions the strange things you can find on Etsy, the bizarre stuff. It does not invite new buyers to come and have a look for anything decent. But as 'everything sells', they might end up with a few more sellers of the weird and bizarre....

Rich Fool makes the Cover said...

Shit, that feature was a crapfest.

From, "working at etsy was like being in an abusive relationship..." (Maybe expand on that widely felt sentiment, editors) to "you can't help admiring his passion, and the way he is determined to put his customers front and center." (Really? Seriously?)

The story about clothing makers and beer can holders Ruff-Heart-Snot-Rag (or whatever idiot name it's called) just highlights that Etsy peeps only value and promote a very narrow aesthetic. Not a fucktard hipster under 25? Don't expect to be acknowledged on Etsy.

And the pages of smiling cupcakes were really too much.

Thanks for sharing EB & FreakyOldWoman.

It has been a true April fool.

DancingWindDesigns said...

The total hypocrisy in that article makes me want to barf.

eclipse said...

Worlds largest flea market? OUCH.
With plenty of chinese imports and designer knockoffs and mass produced reseller crap.

Seinfeld said...

Flea Market.

Flea Market. On the front page of a big magazine.

Hello darkness my old friend...

TheKinkyOne said...

" he is determined to put his customers front and center"


Absolutely. His customers are the first in line to get screwed.

t said...

...and people have been surprised that I rant about ETSY like I used to rant about my ExHusband.

Having left for Zibbet and Artfire, I feel liberated....

what a jerk said...

Wow, the part where he brags about committing fraud because of his 1.7 GPA...holy shit.

catpower said...

Reading the comments here is enough for me!

I have no desire to read about the redheaded twit and how 'wonderful' (sic) he and his brilliant company are.

It's just sad that people who work hard for a living and treat others with respect and kindness will never be seen on magazine covers.

Just creeps like him and Martin Sheen...they both make my skin crawl!

The Funny One said...

As usual, this kind of coverage is more incestuous stuff from within the chummy we adore you tech bubble world where the ending is as nauseating as the writers and publications that STILL get it wrong because they failed, again, to provide much more than PR fluff. Inc goes gaga over anyone with millions in the bank, end of story.

Nothing new, nothing interesting, and nothing gained by reading it other than some juicy gossip at the expense of ripping off a lot of people for a biz that's completely falling apart at the seams.

Notice how the whole social thing was glossed over and the privacy breach was ignored all together?

The only truth? Don't ask RK any questions because he has no idea (other than counting his millions) what he's doing. Never has, never will. Doesn't care, never did.

Privacy questions? Are you reading his posts in the forums these days? He even writes that he has no idea what sellers are asking about! In public, in print!

Holy batshit.

RRobin said...

I love the cover line that says "Do It Yourself," suggesting that Kalin is a self-made man. (Along with the pun that his site is for do-it-yourselfers.)

As if.

As if he didn't have the unpaid labor of thousands of Etsy sellers who did all the marketing and PR for Etsy, on their own time and their own dime, that made Kalin the millionaire he is today.

read between the lines said...

Attention 7th grade class (a.k.a Etsy HQ)
Put down the PBR and cupcakes. Couched in cupcakery, this article was the snarkiest I've seen yet about Etsy.


"Today, Kalin is socially awkward, reticent, and given to eccentricities that can seem downright crazy."

"...for Kalin, who barely graduated from high school and who essentially conned his way into a college education."

"The only Etsy millionaires, it turns out, are Etsy shareholders."

"Tellingly, they have succeeded, in part by distancing themselves from Kalin's most radical ideals."

"There would be a brand-new idea every day." Maguire says. "Usually it'd be something that didn't even make sense. How are you supposed to teach blacksmithing over the Internet?"

"It was chaos- there was no management," says Fred Wilson.

"'My real goal is a paycheck." So much for "Quit Your Day Job."

"But the complaints also raise uncomfortable questions about Etsy's ability to deliver on its marketing promises."

"As Etsy has expanded internationally, adding foreign languages and currencies, so have complaints about low-cost knockoffs."

"Yes, Etsy's marketing promises reek of New Age hucksterism"


"He can be a very difficult person," says Matt Stinchcomb... "He's just like a lot of really smart people who don't want to suffer the rest of us."
Um, just say it loud, Matt. ASSHOLE

unstable said...

Watch out for Rob's psychotic break. Just sayin'.

Ming said...

I saw that magazine at my parent's house when I was dropping the babes off for a overnighter. I snorted.

And I don't snort unless it's good.

I can't wait to get my hands on it tomorrow when I pick the babes up. I want to read the best piece of fiction I've read in a long time.

ebbandflo said...

i really wish i didn't know he makes his own underwear ... it's too close to bedtime to be able to sleep well tonight now :(

RRobin said...

Quoting the article (via read between the lines):

"He's just like a lot of really smart people who don't want to suffer the rest of us."

**

As if there were any bonafide correlation between arrogance and intelligence.

for the hell of it. said...

the 2 things that stood out for me were:

1. Enter Fred Wilson, to prop up his investment. This is by far NOT the first time. I'm guessing that he played a huge part in getting the article in print.

2. Kalin urged the board???? SPIN, nothing more. Breyer urged the board. It was probably also Breyer's idea for the EB/Kalin interview.

Fed Up in NY said...

Etsy is a flea market. I'm so outta there...

Discord Threads said...

Can he change his hair color please? He gives the rest of us gingers a bad name!

Violets new Vintage said...

A timely,positive PR article to balance out the flood of bad press regarding the privacy breaches on Etsy. *yawn*

eclipse said...

Did he REALLY pull a knife on the interviewer? wtf? Who DOES that?? I was watching his activity in my circle feed that weekend when he was hearting all the knives and axes. Does he have some kind of weapon collection? Between that and all the Evil Eye quilts, the guy sounds like he's about to go postal.
*insert shower scene music from Psycho*
*eee eee eee eee!!!*

My bad said...

That picture makes me want to purge. Does the article mention all the reselling?????

LVGJ said...

"world's largest flea market" - well, he finally beat ebay at something...too bad it's being known as the home of crap no one wants in their garage anymore

Jamy said...

Uuhhh...Etsy is the world's largest flea market?

On the cover of Inc.

Are you sure this isn't an April Fools day joke? I thought Etsy was the worlds largest place to buy all things handmade. When did it go from being the leader of the crafts movement to being a flea market?

I can't decide if this is really really funny, quite ironic, or just incredibly, dismayingly sad.

AbsintheDragonfly said...

His picture frightens me. As someone else commented, I can't stop thinking of him in Spiderman jammies...

Barbra said...

So the owner is a knife wielding college fraud, the sellers are miserable and ignored and the buyers get lost in a sea of " flea market" crap.....and I should buy/sell there why?

annoyedMITalum said...

AGAIN with the big fat lie about faking an MIT ID. He has GOT to quit telling this one, it makes him look soo stupid (and he doesn't need help there). I'm an MIT alum. The only time I EVER used my ID was to swim in the pool. Anybody can stroll right up the steps at 77 Mass Ave., head down to 26-100, pull up a seat and sit through an 8.01 lecture, nobody would complain. Jerk.

The Funny One said...

I like that one too, let's add to it because we all know RK really means this:

"lots of users are angry about changes, however, it's clear none of them will ever leave or do anything." .....unless we harass them off by muting, banning, silencing, censoring, shuttering, brick-walling, harassing by email, ignoring any and all questions, leaking private info, changing the rules in the middle of the night to suit our needs (whims) fuck the law, shutting down threads with a slap and a spank, promoting our friends and family (for free), driving prices down the toilet, inviting resellers and helping them fake their descrips, picking break-those-TOU's faves at least once a day Treasuries, picking the same FS over and over and over again (well, they all look the same), applying all the ever-changing rules randomly and with a vengance, posting public pix of our weekly parties with lottsa drinking, sitting for interviews and pix about our free lunches and doily office decor, and continue to wreak bloody havoc on the actual definition, quality, reputation and pricing of real handmade.

The scales have tipped, RK, and let's all hope that YOU are the LAST to know.

H said...

Just remember: hit relist, you're putting money in his pocket.

WhoKnewIt said...

This kid looks like Howdy Doody without the arm stuck up his back....it's obvious the arm was well hidden in that pic.

Curiouser and curiouser said...

A flea market. A fucking flea market? Is he serious? I am the first to admit that I don't make the coolest stuff on the site. The fact that I've never been on the front page is proof enough, I guess (or perhaps it is my admittedly advanced age.) However, I don't think I'd put my stuff in the same league as crap nobody wants taking up space in their house/garage/shed/whatever.

What an arrogant prick.

*Layla* said...

It's now online. Feel free to leave comments and vote the page down (I did!)

http://www.inc.com/magazine/20110401/can-rob-kalin-scale-etsy.html#

for the hell of it said...

CHECK IT OUT!!!!

The crack head wasn't happy with the Inc. Article. Just saw a tweet.

rokali A good lesson from that Inc. piece. Mediocre journalism makes for sensationalist cringe-worthy copy, a handful of misquotes, and no wisdom.

Just goes to prove, that good things CAN come to those who wait.

WHEEEEEE!!!!!

crimsoncat05 said...

omg, he is seriously disturbed, isn't he?!? I hadn't realized how much till I read this article.

theexitdoor said...

Is anyone familiar with the paintings of John William Waterhouse? I swear he looks like one of the reclining goddesses...

The Funny One said...

re RK's comments re making Etsy CS like Zappos, which is funny enough when Etsy has no CS to speak of and a lousy attitude to boot. (E has not CS because they hate dealing with sellers direct.)

I just had my Kindle go wacky, called Amazon, got the help I needed in less than 4 minutes, and got both an email thank you, survey re my cs experience, and instructions to print out to help me with future probs.

Now THAT is CS!

We have to start asking WTF is Etsy trying to hide? No CS means they never collect ANY feedback from their users -- but what makes them so incredibly paranoid?

Where is their negative attitude towards their customers coming from? Hell, they don't interact with them, why are they so scared of them?

Anonymous said...

"making Etsy CS like Zappos"

He's such a hypocrite. One minute he's not gonna sell out ("We do not want Etsy itself to be a big tuna fish," 'we're not planning an IPO,' blahblahblah) then the next minute he's comparing Etsy to Zappos, Amazon, even WalMart (in this thread about adding users names to the forum.
http://www.etsy.com/teams/7718/site-help/discuss/6854093 ) He's either totally full of shit (he's certainly full of himself) or mentally ill.