Hand over your lunch money

Since it's the weekend, Etsy admin are a skeleton crew of forum moderators and, well, that's usually about it! So when overdue notices for bills went out 24 hours early, on Saturday night, it had "FAIL" written all over it.

Paypal was released in beta and then to everyone (how ridiculous is that. We all know you just add the Paypal button and voila people can pay you, why Etsy couldn't do this is still a mystery) just this month. At the same time, and what many don't know is that they also removed the $1 minimum payment block. So if you owe 94, 60, 30, or even 7 cents you can pay it now.

And this is where the debacle starts....because Etsy even changed the wording on overdue notices and riled a lot of feathers.

"If we do not receive your payment in full, your Etsy account will be suspended."

Really? How about "nanna nanna boo boo we're gonna break your tricycle and take your helmet if you don't give me your lunch money!" or "come on fool, don't make me bust your kneecaps, hand over the dough". Those make just as much sense because the billing policies say you have to be 60 days overdue before suspension of listing and renewing occurs, then 90 days past due for actual account suspension!

And the best part of all of this - Etsy said they were going to email every seller to announce the changes before the next billing cycle, but introduced the changes this billing cycle...they want their money and they're going to weasel it out of us if they have to.

The professional thing to do would be to announce the changes with a mass email, because this affects money and money is the basis of lawsuits for companies, one billing cycle prior to implementation. Are they going to send 60 cents to collections because someone hasn't paid a static balance in 5 months under the previous system? You know, actually, this might be pretty funny to watch if they do.

Another professional thing would be to not use frowning yarn (which are worse than those damn frowny faces on the bill page) to tell us our accounts will be suspended if we don't pony up a few dimes. Yes, that picture above is the actual image from the screen that comes up at login when your bill is "overdue". Full screencap here.

Ok, a lot went wrong this time. According to the billing clarification in a Storque article bills are past due on March 15 23:59 GMT. It was, according to one Etsians calculations, only Midnight GMT on March 15, though that exact wording is no longer in the FAQ. RobWhite, who appears to be the only admin around on Saturday nights, had this to say

As it stands now, your bill is considered overdue at the start of the 15th, in GMT/UTC time (for those of you in the US, now that we're on daylight savings time, you'll likely be somewhere between 4-7 hours behind UTC time). This is the first month in which we've used all of the notices that we have in order to tell those with overdue bills that their bills are overdue.

So is this another new policy change? How did we miss this? Oh, yeah, right...no fucking email! We've been combing the Storque for the information to the point of nuasea (can you believe that the billing information is hidden amongst Rosie Live, Branding Hooray, and Guest Picks articles!).

And then there are the default settings screwing things up and sellers possibly being overcharged because of the Paypal, full balance settings. Yes, people need to be careful when hitting the payment button, double-check everything twice, especially with Etsy who have been known to double charge and not be nice with refunds or handling overdraft fees. If you back up to change one setting, the other is likely reset to default!

So, all in all, how bad was this one? Hmmm let's list the stupidity:

• 24 hour too early late notices (midnight March 15 GMT instead of 23:59 March 15 GMT, unless this has been changed, which is another issue)
• threat of suspension for 1-day late when they note in the billing policies that it's 2 months (technically 6 weeks cuz of the 15th thing)
• that stupid unapproving ball of yarn upon login
• no email notification of new policy regarding elimination of $1 minimum
• default settings that revert when backing up to change the auto Paypal setting that is screwing some people up

On a scale of 1 to 10 this is a 17...nice going Etsy. If you don't mind, can we give you a pointer or two. Umm, first, have you not been listening? Communication, clarity - these are all things we've gone over before with you. You're losing money on people paying less than a half dollar by Paypal, and less than $1 on credit cards.

Not that we care anymore about your ledgers, but you've become so greedy that you're willing to lose money just to appear badass when it comes to collecting it. And that's what you're doing - you've become one of those badass, mofo companies who are an entity that has to fight against all those it serves in order to survive - threats of suspension, harsh wording, changed policies without notice - Etsy was supposed to be different. But you're not. You're the boyfriend who consoles someone after a harsh breakup by being sweet and wanting to talk and then a little down the line once she's comfortable and loyal starts demanding a sandwich and beer when you damn well please. What's she gonna do, leave you? YES and WE ARE, and by golly we're gonna warn others about your sleazy ways.

Stop fucking it up. Your customers are in rough times - just knock it the fuck off! Yes, collect what's due you, but plan it out, communicate it, and for the love of all that is handmade stick by your own policies.

Oh, and the phone number for people to call when, say their bills threaten to shut them down on Saturday night, should probably be installed soon. Many companies move due dates to avoid weekends for this very reason. Just a little FYI, Etsy *wink*