Today MaryMary posted an announcement in the Etsy forums, with an accompanying Storque article, describing some new staff and new roles at Etsy Inc. Along with it came a personal message from Rob Kalin.
I am grumpy to announce that, against my will, Maria has replaced me as Etsy’s CEO. She is now my boss. My new title at Etsy is Chief Cupcake Officer (CCO), a nice meaningless moniker that will allow me to focus on what I'm best at: lying about my experience, stalking private blogs, and reading children's books.
I will also be spending time developing Etsy.org, a money-losing organization that will focus on failed hammock videos, dressing up in silly costumes, eating cupcakes, and giving jobs to my unemployable friends. (More vague details about this are coming soon. Right now, I'm still licking my wounds from getting canned.)
I’ve been filling many roles since Etsy began, all of them new to me. That's because I have no actual experience in anything useful. It’s been an embarassing and exhausting education, much of it public. Watching Maria, with her experience and expertise and sanity, has made me realize what a failure I really am. I’m excited to get back to what I enjoy most, (living in my fantasy world) and maybe even check Etsybitch less than fifteen times a day for the first time in a long time.
Ok, he didn't really write that - thanks Bitches Auxiliary! By the way, it's amazing how many people saw "CCO" and thought "Chief Cupcake Officer". Grumpy minds think alike.
To be serious for a moment, we here at Etsy Bitch are hopeful that Maria's leadership and Chad's technical expertise will usher in a new era of professionalism and progress for Etsy. Hopeful that amateurish tutorials for shoddy workmanship will be banished to the Rainbow Land of Etsy.org. Hopeful that practical, useful tools that will help members market and move their wares will finally take priority. Hopeful that obnoxious, discourteous staff members will be duct-taped and locked in the janitor's closet in favour of pleasant, knowledgeable communicators. Hopeful that resellers and mass-producers will receive the swift kick to the ass they deserve, and that Etsy returns its mission statement and original principles that have been so subverted and abused of late.
Good-bye Rob. Hello Maria and Chad.