Am I a boy or a lady, I don't know which?

Have you seen this article in the New York Times? (Thanks to Impetuous for the link)

One has the feeling that the author, Ellen Rosen could scarcely contain raucous hoots of laughter from start to finish. Let's deconstruct this little gem, shall we?

1. The skateboard ramp at Etsy, long a staple subject of snark, apparently disappeared six months ago. This, for Rob, marked the end of Etsy's status as a "start-up". Way cool definition, Rob. I get the feeling Ms. Rosen was impressed, too. So, although we all mourn the demise of the halfpipe, we must ask, why on earth has Rob been kicked upstairs with searing business analysis like that?

2. So Rob knew he needed professional management. “We hit a point in growth that we needed people who have done this before". Etsy sellers have known for some time (even before Caterpillar Cowboy let the lab rat out of the bag) that we're chiefly of interest to our Handmade Overlords as test subjects and experimental fodder. Now we have confirmation from Mr Swimmy himself. We also have confirmation (if confirmation was needed) that the people running Etsy don't have a frickin' clue. And yet, when some of us have pointed this out, over the years, while begging Etsy to take its (and our) business seriously, we've been rebuffed. Etsy knows what it's doing, went the refrain. Trust Etsy.

3. "Mr. Kalin will remain as chairman and will focus on creative efforts as well as the establishment of etsy.org, intended to coach vendors on producing their wares and also to establish an educational arm to guide them in running and expanding their businesses." Translation: "Mr Swimmy has been stripped of any real power, and will now have lots of money and lots and lots of free time to work on what he does best: suckering craftspeople into believing that he actually knows something about running and expanding a business".

4. The Coral Nail Polish Incident. The New York Times (no strangers, they, to eccentricity) clearly loved this. I picture Ms. Rosen gamely trying to keep a straight face when Rob shared this tidbit of creepy oddness with her, then dashing off a quick email from her BlackBerry to share this with her friends and colleagues. Oh, how the corridors of the NY Times rang with merry laughter on that day!

Seriously, how creepy is this? You're at work (which for most Etsy Admin, admittedly, consists of making shrinky-dink moustaches and videoing each other). The head of the company calls a "all-hands" meeting. "All hands on deck", he cries! You show up for this very important meeting, to find the company's charismatic leader sporting bright nail polish. He explains brilliantly, "I'm a boy, but boy CEOs can't wear nail polish, but I AM wearing nail polish, therefore I must not be the CEO of Etsy anymore".

It's this brand of hard-hitting, diamond-sharp logic that has made Rob a colossus currently bestriding the Handmade Universe. Did anyone at the meeting stop to point out one of the other logical conclusions, "Um, Rob, maybe it means you're not a boy anymore"? "Are you getting a sex change operation so you can be our female CEO"?

And one hopes that at least a couple of people trapped in that meeting thought, in the privacy of their own skulls, "This guy is a total wacko". I'm betting that Matt and Stella entertained that thought for at least a moment.

So, to sum up. What have we learned today about "running and expanding our businesses"? The lesson I take away is this: start up your business with absolutely no expertise, take no advice, exploit other people along the way, and when your finely-honed skills tell you it's time to expand (i.e. when things are getting really tough and your customers are complaining and everything is going pear-shaped), ditch the halfpipe, paint your nails in a bizarre, passive-aggressive display of indirect communication and bring in someone who actually knows what he or she is doing while you are put somewhere where you can no longer harm innocent passersby.

I only have one question left.

Was it handmade nail polish?