Saturday, November 6, 2010

Customer Service The Etsy Way

With service like this, why would Etsy sellers ever go on strike?!

Cast:
Seller (S)calling for urgent help
Phone Autobot (PA)the robo-phone voice

S: Ok, here’s that damn customer service number
*picks up phone dials 1-800-ETSYCORP*

ring ring ring

S: “Etsy? I have a customer with a $3,000 order and she can’t get the shopping cart to work, hello? What?

PA: I’m sorry, but the number you have reached is not in service at this time. To repeat this message, Press 1

Seller: Oh shit *presses 1*

PA: I’m sorry, but did I say that number is not in service? I mean, gee, I’ve been doing a lot of research since you’re the 19,532 caller who’s dialed 1-800-ETSYCORP today and that number doesn’t seem to be in our directory. Are you sure they printed the right number? To repeat this message, Press 1

S: What? Hello! Is there anyone there? Can I talk to a real human please? Hey! I need some help! Human, give me a human!
*presses 0* BEEP
*presses 9* BEEP
Shit on a shingle *presses 1*

PA: I’m sorry but you are calling a number that seems to have never existed. Did you want Esty Customer Service? I’ve been doing a lot of research since you started hitting 0 and 9 on your phone to talk to a human being, but there is no Etsy Customer Service. In fact there never has been an Etsy Customer Service. Do you have another number you can try? To repeat this message Press 1.

S: Hello? Can you hear me? What? But this phone number is right on page 468,942 of the Etsy Seller Handbook! It took me 3 days to find it! Are you telling me that no one can help me help my customer finish up her $3,000 order in my Etsy Store? Hello? Give me a human being to talk to, hello? human?
*presses 0* BEEP! *presses 9* BEEP! Oh crap *presses 1*

PA: I’m sorry, it appears that Etsy has no Customer Service nor did they ever have Customer Service, and I don’t know where you got this phone number from lady, but get a grip on yourself! To not repeat this message, would you just hang up your phone? *Click*

S: Aauuuurrrrrrgh, SHIT shit shit shit shit!

To avoid this, choose a different venue! Zibbet customer service, Dawanda feedback, and iCraft use problem-specific ticket systems, Artfire customer service has a toll-free phone number, even Shoply has a phone number you can call!!

18 Comments:

Wooly Bumblebee said...

LOL!!! Loved it!

And seriously, any venue worth selling on should have a CS number to call! It's vital and just plain common sense. What is Etsy so afraid of? I guess phones scare them unless they are covered in plushy fabric and look like moustaches.

Amenhotep IV said...

I agree with Wooly.

Remember the twisted days of eBay, when they kept changing their phone number to keep sellers from calling?

Etsy has no ability to have a customer service department. They wouldn't even be able to answer questions, 'cause they'd have to keep running to ask someone else.

Those plush phone booths are still such a huge slap in the face.

Barbra said...

My guess is that Etsy admin cannot even spell C-U-S-T-O-M-E-R S-E-R-V-I-C-E...!

Eveline said...

Etsy claims that there would be too many people calling the number, most of them just to talk to someone who works for Etsy. Riiight.

The Righteous One said...

Eveline, that's because they're all celebrities! They are just sooooooo cool. You're so lame for not recognizing that


*snort*

There was a time when those who worked at Etsy were people that sellers wanted to meet, because it was a community - and though there are probably some starry eyed newbies who would still go across country for an Etsy trunk show, most either don't know who admin are or are too busy worrying about getting their businesses through the snafus to give a shit.

Etsy admin are living in 2005.

DigIt said...

Customer service isn't in the financial plan. There are renewers and listers no matter what-- why should they spend the money on customer service when the joint is probably on the market anyway?
Keeps down the overhead.

Cheap ass site.

AmenhotepIV said...

Eveline said...

Etsy claims that there would be too many people calling the number, most of them just to talk to someone who works for Etsy. Riiight.

------------

Yeah. 'Cause the site is brokeass.

Tired of Fools said...

Etsy laughs at customer service. They can do whatever they want and the cupcakes will continue to drink the koolaid and pay the slot machine.

If you want customer service, as well as a platform that functions, go to ArtFire and Zibbet.

Anne Onymous said...

Well, I had a bit of a problem this afternoon with my Artfire studio, and since I'm such a noob there, I figured I'd post a question about it in "Bug Reports." A couple of hours later, there's a post in reply from their chief operating officer and vice president of marketing. He has provided a simple explanation for what happened, told me why it happens occasionally, and offered two simple remedies. It's--umm, about 8:30 here on the East Coast which must make it suppertime out there in Arizona. He is apparently not so involved in desperately important research problems that he can't take the time on a Sunday evening to advise a newcomer.

I'd call that customer service, yeah I would...

The Funny One said...

Absolutely hysterical -- too many people would call just to talk to Etsy, oh I suspect it might be too many people will call Etsy to scream bloody murder. But hey, Etsy takes the lazy way out, no matter what the issue.

Etsy created the Forums, the sellers jumped on board to provide 6 yrs of CS for free (not to mention that 50% of it is the wrong information), Etsy realized they were getting all that free labor, and CS bit the dust.

It's the same accidental Etsy formula for viral mktg, for relisting, and for stealing hundreds of thousands of dollars each week for showcases that don't lead to any sales!

Etsy's riding high to the big bucks on a whole lotta free labor from sellers who pay to list, don't sell, and keep slapping each other senseless on the way to the FP!

Social Etsy? Who's going to be left on this disgusting sellers-lose-all battlefield? Surely, not the sellers! (and where sellers fall, buyers fall because they're one and the same).

G33K GODDESS said...

The Funny One really said it all. I totally agree with your concise and thorough analysis. Thank you. The sellers do EVERYTHING around there but the code, and they actually do a little bit of that since you have to use etsy hacks to get anything done around there apparently...

They use us like workhorses or whores... people need to wake up.

SusanA said...

If thy took the slightest attempt at even email...
It is amazing even long tome etsy sellers spout the email etsy support or etsy abuse , or flag an item. They don't respond to any of it except with the auto response.
When I was deactivated I was told to place message thru my etsy account.
Finally I opened a second account to convo a few of the admin, eventually one got back. Basically to tell me I was screwed and I shouldn't have opened an account just to ask a question.
In the end, no real answer and they closed the new account too

Jamy said...

I had a customer at Etsy who couldn't get the shopping cart to work too. I didn't even dick around with the "customer no-service" (as Clark Howard would refer to it). I just sent them an invoice from my paypal account and worked the whole thing out on my own. They got their necklace, I got my money, and Etsy didn't get a damned penny of it.

Jamy said...

Oh wait...I just realized something...if they have this ridiculous automated phonebot, then what the hell was the purpose of rolling out the useless cutesypoo customer service booths?
http://etsybitch.blogspot.com/2010/06/are-you-fucking-kidding-me.html

Evermore Organics said...

Etsy has a great business plan. They have no customer service, they don't update their software, and I am unwilling to believe that they have as many employees as they claim to. Their overhead is practically nil, and they do everything in their power to make sure that to make ANY money, you need to give them lots upfront. I doubt very much they will ever change, no matter how loud we scream. They simply have no motivation. And as long as you keep relisting/renewing, things will be exactly the same.

I had to lol at their excuse. Do they really think people would call up just to talk to someone who OMGWORKSATETSY!!!1 Seriously?

"Hello, this is RobWhite, how can I help you?"

"OMG RobWhite! I love your work in the forums. Amazing job shutting down all those threads. *swoon*"

"What can I do for you today?"

"Oh I don't know. I have a day off from school so I'm just callin' up my friends seeing what everyone is doing. Have you read Perez today? So scandalous. Whatcha thinkin about?"

"Click"



I think not. People would be calling up to bitch most likely.

The Funny One said...

Sellers would be calling Etsy to bitch because Etsy has spent 6 long years cultivating a very disastisfied and angry seller-base that no longer sells on Etsy because they've been 150% shut out of the Etsy-promo-game or been harassed to death on petty "violations" that they make up as they go along.

Etsy may be afraid to open a phone line (lazy is more like it) but how about a phone line for buyers, geez it's the least they could do SIX YRS AGO!

Which goes, again, to prove that SALES are not the goal --- how counter-intuitive can you get?

Etsy is it's own worst enemy. Too bad it drags down so many others with it without a care in the world!

visible said...

I sure don't want Etsy to notice me, that's for sure. Them people is dangerous!

katty said...

What a mess! With live phone answering services the customers feel more at ease when calling. Talking to a machine can be confusing to most people. They would much rather talk to a real person anytime. No one likes to talk to a machine because the machine cannot think and respond accordingly.
Small Business Answering service