Saturday, March 28, 2009

The Promotion Game

WE REALLY LIKE PUZZLES, BUT WHY DO YOU MAKE YOUR BUYERS WORK SO HARD TO FIGURE OUT WHAT YOU’RE PROMOTING, ETSY?

Oh yeah, we admit it - We like puzzles, word games, crosswords, sudoku, and even "Where's Waldo" – but we’re starting to wonder what’s up with all those weird titles all over the site, Etsy?

Do you like confusing visitors and potential buyers coming to the site to find something they want to buy?

By the time visitors FIGURE OUT what Etsy's promoting, their time is up, dinner’s on the table, the dryer just dinged, and there are bills to pay.

They get so confused trying to figure out what the heck "Digging In The Dirt" and "Equestrian Prep" really means that they forget to go shopping!

Is this kind of wacky creativity reaching customers? Or are you just poking fun at your sellers again, Etsy? Heaven knows you like to jerk your sellers around, but the wacky is getting wackier and the titles change so often, we think oh goody, you left BRANDING in the round filing cabinet and re-directed your energies to constantly confusing the shopping public!

'Digging In the Dirt', 'Meet Unique', 'All Natural Grooming', 'I Would, Wouldn’t You?', and so many others we can’t possibly list them all.

Tell us what YOUR FAVORITE idea for a wacky Etsy-ish title is!!

Go ahead, make them up. We know you’re much better than Etsy is at this! (Don't worry, they'd never actually use them - this might actually deter them from using the ones we post here! So let it all hang out!)

Give it a go, because they need all the help they can get.

37 Comments:

oneofmanyHeathers said...

Painfully Hip and Totally Useless

forum rubbernecker said...

Gosh, it's pretty hard to come up with anything wackier then what Etsy already has. I have to admit the term "natural grooming" for weddings gave me the creeps, I am envisioning brides with perfectly groomed, unshaven pit hair. Well, here's a few for you:

Possible Storque Articles on Trends:

Dodecahedrons: The New Triangle!

Chunky Scarves: Smother Yourself in the Summer

Real Anvil Pendants: Work Out the Neck Muscles While Wearing This Season's Must Have Accessory!

Paper Bag Curtains: Decorate in a Recession Friendly Way!

Pigeon Feathers: Plentiful and oh so chic this season.

Possible Gift Guides:

Unwashed Hipsters (for your favorite grungy young person)

Embarrass Yourself (funky clothes you can't wear for real life but they have cool pictures and isn't a little humility good for you anyway?)

Subway Chic (includes raggedy clothing to wear to avoid being mugged, and must include a can of spray paint (supply!) for the naughty subway rider in you)

Love An Admin (full of items that admin wants you to buy for them--bennies coming your way if you do so)

This is like shooting fish in a barrel, too easy!!

The Righteous One said...

personally, I rather like 'Let it all hang out' lol

It could be a mature GG, it could be about short shorts, it could be about wild party gear - it's a versatile term they could use a dozen times and confuse people about what they mean this time

btw, forum rubbernecker, you are cracking me up with your list!

foxaz said...

The Catbox - various items containing cats and kittens, or modeled by cats or kittens.

Skinny Girls in Impractical Clothing - with Horses!

Rings to Cut You - (Rings that would snag your clothing, hurt your children and put your eye out)

Hip Womens' Mustache Wax

Dangerous Jewelry - sharp, tight and rusty

Dirty Secrets - Moss and more!

life-during-wartime said...

Current trends:

Guano? Te Amo! for all the bird motif items.

Two Fried Eggs with a side of Cougar Tartare for the typical Etsy buyer in her 30s and 40s who buys the clothing on the FP.

Trash from Treasures Vintage and Antique items in collectable condition harvested for supplies.

Live from Etsy, your global marketplace -- it's Friday night! for the resellers' parade every weekend.

We're So Over the Rainbow for FPs and Treasuries done by failed applicants to the marketing department of White House and Black Market.

Dunno about new trends, 'cause Etsy's been following the ones they have now for at least the last 18 months.

Old Hippie Bitch said...

New for Spring! (gray jewelry)

Mod Revival! (gray clothing)

Mother's Day! (gray cowls)

Color Trends! (gray WITH beige)

The Cranky One said...

"Feeling Italian": an apron, a print of a restaurant with a red checked table cloth, a amigumi knitted plate of spaghetti and meatballs, a "kiss me I'm italian" vintage ironic t-shirt modelled on a willowy hipster, a necklace with a Italy map charm, something or three related to the mafia, a plate with "mangia" painted on it, something with the italian flag... All nice and just the stereotypical shit you expect from etsy.

I still want a screen shot of the "fat" finds they did a couple months and yanked for the first time ever after it rightly got a backlash of complaints - if someone has one send it in!

The Funny One said...

Now you all got me going.......

"Cowl Neck CoverUps for Botox Booboos"

"Perfect For Your 'What Was I Thinking When I Bought THAT?!' Junk Drawer"

"Hair Ornaments for 789 Days Of The Year"

"If It Falls Apart in 48 Hours, Etsy Is Not Responsible"

"Buy It, It's Trendy Because Etsy Said So, YaaaYaaa"

"If It Looks Like It's Growing Mossy Grass, You Must Have Bought It On Branded Etsy"

"Age-Spots-Be-Gone With Fingerless Gloves For Every Month of The Year"

woolies said...

Sugar Addict - where all the cupcakes could go.

UnHip said...

"throw your money out the window, but be cool anyhow"

"appreciated by only one person in the entire world"

"dollar store alternatives"

It's impossible. Everyone's ideas are too good to match!

An Ominous said...

Fun with Poverty

Arr Billy: Gift Guide to International-Talk-Like-A-Pirate Day
(a definite Etsy retail opportunity if admin ever did see one)

Angst: The New Gay

Irreverent is Irrelevant

Brass Monkey Designs said...

Latest precious "must have" craft: Forget those boring old moss terrariums! MOLD is where it's at. Best of all, you can WEAR it! You get an adorable, corked test tube with a live mold culture growing in it. Choose from this year's hottest color pallets: Penicillin green, Black mold black, Sclerotinia white. *Warning, not safe for children.

Front page theme: Ecru! It's the new ash!

Gift guide: Fun with Menstrual Periods!

Gift guide: Plastic plastic, it's craptastic!

Storque article: 101 uses for cowls all year round.

Storque article: "Livin' with the rents"...a comprehensive "must have" guide to hipsters who are "making a living" from their "art."

Etsy Bitch's Bitch said...

LMFAO at all these promotional titles! Can't wait to see how they promote all those chunky scarves, cowl neck uglies, and fingerless gloves when it really starts to get hot!

EtsyWTF said...

I hope you bitches are happy. I've been walking around humming "The Crying Game" ever since I saw this blog. LOL

justbitchy said...

This must be the work of the "new" marketing guy.

Epic. Massive. Horrible. Annoying. Fail.

I need to move to Crooklyn so I can get a great Etsy job with great pay and a great hipster apartment AND benefits with my weekends like totally respected.

I'm sure I can come up with ideas that are just as bad...maybe worse if I put my mind to it.

(vomit)

Laura said...

How about...

Storque
Etsy

Brass Monkey Designs said...

What the hell is SLOW food anyway? I'm gonna ask 'em.

LaughingFromTheSidelines said...

Perhaps they are trying to appeal to the likes of Ms. Love who also cannot string together coherent thoughts that make sense to anyone, but who seems to be Etsy's most successful promotion to date in that she has garnered more national attention to the site in two weeks than they have in three years.

UnHip said...

What I can't figure out is why they are paying this interior decorator guy to come up with this shit.
He must be some smooth talker, and cooler than everyone else at HQ to get that gig.

EtsyHipster said...

Not for you Fatty : A round-up of size 4 fashions for the petite hipster

Take a Gamble: A collection of foodstuffs from unlicensed kitchens

Who You Callin' Trashy ?: upcycled cereal box fingerless gloves and cowls woven from discarded tin cans - please ignore that odd fishy smell

Pack it up, Pachyderm it in : old beat up suitcases and the launching of a new etsy trend...elephants ! with fake moustaches and feather headbands

buddy said...

BrassMonkey -

SLOW food is food that passes through your digestive tract at a normal to slow speed.

This is as opposed to the instantaneous descent of the Etsy food items that are prepared in unhygienic and unlicensed kitchens, while the sellers' children form cookies with boogery fingers and the cats sit on the countertop embellishing the cupcakes with dander.

foxaz said...

slow food is stuff you cook at home - because you can no longer afford to dine out?

Fast food is drive-in, pick-up, get fat for a dollar, happy meals.

Slow food is way better, but you have to clean the kitchen afterward.

Kelly said...

It's funny you mentioned it because I sat there staring at "Equestrian Prep" right after they put it up trying to figure out what the heck that meant.

I think they could change the name of any or all of their categories to "This Will Make You Want To Shop At Artfire"

warped said...

In response to Ominous' comment - didn't they actually have some sort of stupid-ass promo for International Talk Like A Pirate Day last year?

(If you're at all a foodie, the slow food movement is awesome... Go look it up on Wiki.)

Brass Monkey Designs said...

LMAO Y'all are cracking me up.

I know all there is to know about the promotions game
I've had my share of the promotions game

First there are renewals, then there are sighs
And then before you know where you are you're sayin' goodbye

forum rubbernecker said...

Pack it up, Pachyderm it in : old beat up suitcases and the launching of a new etsy trend...elephants ! with fake moustaches and feather headbands
___________

touché!

Dead black trees and crows are also lovely in spring, I hear.

Here's another GG idea:

Emo For Everyone: You can't tell what is being sold, but check out the expression on the model's face--she FEELS hip!

misinformationsucks said...

Slow Food is a non-profit, eco-gastronomic member-supported organization that was founded in 1989 to counteract fast food and fast life, the disappearance of local food traditions and people’s dwindling interest in the food they eat, where it comes from, how it tastes and how our food choices affect the rest of the world.

---

from http://slowfood.com

eclipse said...

Slow food is a real movement, not an etsy-invented trend. But it's also about 20 years old and most of the stuff in the slow food gift guide have nothing to do with the movement. It's a lot of photographs and paintings of vegetables, that is not slow food.

H8r said...

blow money then blow me

infantile wide eyed goth chick shit

fifty ninety eleven million birds

H8r said...

blow money then blow me

infantile wide eyed goth chick shit

fifty ninety eleven million birds

jenjasmine said...

Free mustache rides!
...

Gloomy day!
Check out all these uncolorful etsy pics!

Spring was around the corner!
Unless you live in the city.

Jennifer said...

Go Global, See the World - featuring shops in Brooklyn and/or photographs of Brooklyn

Buy From Our Friends - (see Go Global)

cynicallyopenminded said...

What I find irritating about Etsy is that while they have whacky promotional cliche-isms and many unwearable wierd nonfunctional items, there are so many items/ideas that *are* promotable.

For example, CHARITY or DONATIONS. Yeah, I suggested those search terms. Yeah, they'd "look into it" which translates into, not cute, catchy, therefore not promotable.

Enjoying the creative promotions that everyone is coming up with. I don't think I'm that witty.

However, there must be something regarding "potty humor" considering all the poop items that are available.

How about, "You Can Poo, too"?

EtsyWTF said...

If you have a funny theme that you'd like to see made into a front page, submit it here: http://etcwtf.blogspot.com/

I'll do my best to create it.

ebbandflo said...

Gift Guide suggestion

You KNOW It's Not A Real Job
useless trinkets to make them feel worthless for the stay-at-home parent in your life

Get It Fast
an only just, last minute selection of $5 gifts which ship with expedited or express shipping, for the forgetful, or tuned-in hipster living on etsy time

Spetsy said...

FRESH FISH- vintage undies and repurposed handmade undies. (eww)

FOCUSSUCKS said...

The thread discussing Etsy's marketting 'focus' hasa now been closed because people were not being respectful to Etsy staff!

You get what you give.