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A reader sent us this link to another atrociously piss poor sewing how-to video, and poor choices of materials, by Brepettis.
Witness a massive case of bad judgment to make the sorriest excuse for a crap hammock I've ever seen. Can you guess what will happen when Brepettis makes a hammock?
This IS popcorn worthy, readers. Go pop some then come back and hit play.
No thanks, I'll buy mine on eBay where it might have been designed in mind of some country's safety regulations (you can ignore those if you make it yourself like a ignoramus hipster doofus!). Tell me again it's peachy keen that professional people at a corporate craft site tell you to use "fabric that might hold me" and clothes line - for a hammock. Clothes line. He spends more time telling you how to condense the excess rope than he does sewing the damned thing. Clothes line!
I hope Etsy gets it's ass sued black and blue when someone's kid suffocates in that concoction while playing in it and it closes up on them, or someone breaks their neck, spine, tailbone, hip, etc, when they hit the ground in 30 seconds for following their directions.
It's not just a stupid negligent video -- it's an injury lawyer's wet dream.
Thursday, July 3, 2008
Make your own death shroud... er hammock!
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113 Comments:
Bre is made of fail.
Crafts's's: Ur doin it rong.
does it make me a bad person that I keep replaying the part where he falls on his ass, and giggling?
Oh no, was that a spoiler?
Mr "Grumpy Haters" is PAID to do this by Etsy, that's what boggles my mind.
This exemplifies the fine, responsible, interesting and well-produced content that is The Storque.
It just isn't possible to parody this stuff -- it's already a parody of itself.
That totally WAS a spoiler eclipse!
I shudder to think of all the "handmade hammocks" that are going to flood Etsy. There is a seriously liability issue with all of these crafting demo's.
Dammit Eclipse!
You know your supposed to post: "WARNING - SPOILER ALERT" before telling people that kind of stuff. Now what am I supposed to do with this popcorn???
hmmmmmmmm....maybe a popcorn hammock! Yeah!!
Uh... seriously? What a shitty video.
1.) If you are going to make a how-to video TEST out your process and make sure it works FIRST. Don't just make something up and hope to God it pans out.
2.) I don't think hanging your hammock on any public poles or signs is a good idea. Cause guess what? If your fat ass breaks the pole... it's called vandalism.
3.) That looks like the sorriest hammock I've ever seen in my life... uncomfortable much?
I'm just in awe that they are spending money on something like this.
The video should be called "We thought we'd show you how to make this cool hammock but we can't figure out how!".
Are the police/security people making them take the hammocks down in the last few seconds?
If so, good for them. Save a tree. Sit your rear on the park bench like regular people.
Oh. No. They. Didn't.
I agree with just bitchy. This is a major liability issue.
Forum posts that will follow:
OP: Help, I think I cracked my coccyx while making my own hammock from the Etsy tutorial video. I can't get up off the floor and my roommate won't be home next Tuesday.
Reply 1: OMG, thank goodness you have your laptop nearby.
Reply 2: Can you move your legs? If you can't, that is a bad sign.
Reply 3: Email Admin and see what others have done when this happened.
Sigh......
headdesk
And saying "you do this at your own risk" does NOT limit your liability.
MORONS!
rubbernecker- you forgot-
"OMG, I so sorry that happened to you. . . "
Mighta been a good idea to try it out over a nice, soft grassy lawn first time.
Ow. :>/
They also included a mass-produced item in the featured items that go along with the article. Nice.
I'm thinking Mr. Pettis may have taken a few knocks to the head before this one.
If the "rope" hadn't broken the stitching would have. That was an awesomely bad design as well. Sailors in the birtish navy in the 1600's hand sewed better hammocks that that.
Made of fail is right!
See.. I was thinking more along the lines of banana hammocks. I know, I know. My mind is ALWAYS in the gutter.
Ok, you stumped me Sneaky.
WTH is a banana hammock?
Great to see my Etsy dollars hard at work.
Well, I always knew I didn't want a traditional coffin when it's my time to go.
I'll have the funeral director whip up one of these and hang me between two trees in the graveyard, shall I?
http://www.funnypictures.net.au/userimages/user1680_1163474829.jpg
That's a banana hammock. LOL.
"See.. I was thinking more along the lines of banana hammocks. I know, I know. My mind is ALWAYS in the gutter."
ewwwwwwwwwwwww, my EYES!!!!!!!!!!
BTW It was so indie and cool when he tied his hammock up on those two street signs. He got 10 indie cred points for that one.
If anyone can make me an animated gif of just the part where he falls, I will adore you forever.
I want to loop it and play that part over and over, in .gif not in flash plz!
kthxbai!
I read the title alone "make your own death shroud" and spit diet-Pepsi all over the screen. Priceless!
There are three comments by other Admin on that Storque article. I think the tag "circle-jerk" needs to be added here.
wtf, they can't spare the bandwidth to give us images in our shop rss feeds, but they have the manpower to make stupid how-to videos for something I made better when I was nine????
I'm completely offended.
2:20-2:23 is the part I want in a gif
:D pleeeaze!
i can see mixed species in the beef jerky banana hammock right now
back away from the hammock etsy and do a video about how to market your sell with paid advertising magazines that rich people read
thankyouverymuch
Love how a USED baby hammock is featured in the storque after the article
etsy tells us not to:
http://tinyurl.com/62cnvo
safety tips: you only get them if you follow them on twitter!
Eclipse, check your flickr.
Etsy is too busy doing "10 Second Dance Breaks" to care about common sense.
funny...and all this time i thought buddy holly died in a plane crash along with the big bopper and ritchie valens. i guess i was mistaken. apparently he borrowed a sewing machine from his grandma (hey - does she live in the midwest and make "traditional crafts?...if so - let vanessa know), attached a fey label on it saying he would "rather be riding a unicorn" and fell to his death between two shoddy street signs on a brooklyn sidewalk.
when will they learn? "that'll be the day ay ay when they die"
Eclipse, "made of fail" is purty much the best line I have ever heard....Sweet baby Jesus, that will be coming out of my mouth at least 10 times a day from now on...
Forum rubbernecker, I think I actually just broke my cock watching that....!
*Wherz ma hugzzzz?*
bre gotta owie.
when I watch this I am less grumpy. :D
[dies laughing]
Too damn funny, Panik.
Andy Mathis said...
rubbernecker- you forgot-
"OMG, I so sorry that happened to you. . . "
______________________
OMFG, I was just going to type that but then I thought I should check to see if anyone else did.
Anonymous, your comment is welcome, just please use a nickname.
I knew it was coming but I still laughed when Bre fell! OMG, didn't they ever think to TEST it before letting the cameras roll?
I think they are adding some extra ingredients to those cupcakes at Etsy Central...
I retyped it, malevolent one - - my computer hiccupped and it lost the part where I signed my name so I made a new post instead :)
(Maybe my laughing so hard startled the computer or I hit post before it was set :) I am still heehawing here and I am going to go watch the ending again :)
panik, I couldn't breathe for like a full 2 minutes after reading your Buddy Holly post I was laughing so hard.
Can we learn how to make "bre gotta owie clips" in the next lab, please, please.
Maybe Danielle can give up her working with acrylics spot.
They need to submit it to worlds most funniest videos. Or stupid people tricks on David Letterman.
Is it "special" brownie day at Etsy?
bre got an owie-
besides the neck whiplash, look at that poor Do Not Enter Sign flopping back and forth . . . .
Just when I think it's not possible to be more embarrassed for Etsy ... I see this.
This is a joke, right?
Candid Camera?
April Fool's Day?
An elaborate Punk'd episode of gigantic proportion?
They're f'ing with us. They must be.
Is it really possible for the employees of Etsy to be that stupid, stoned, immature or reckless?
Maria- welcome to the freak show that is Etsy.
Are the pink slips mass produced or are they being made using a gocco?
If I got that as a gift, I would cut a hole in it and wear it as a poncho.
Did that douche bag see the guides on his sewing machine? I'll give him the benefit of the doubt and chock it up to "camera angle," but that stitchin' looked like he had a few too many cocktails before.
Well...at least he busted where he pulled that project from.
um... this is "the etsy media awesome team"...show a little respect...mmmkay.
my unicorn still loves you ♥
OMG panik, I am laughing so hard I am crying!
Panik gets to thumbs up.
Brepettis is ....all thumbs.
wtf - We're moderating comments just for the time being so we don't have to sit around and wait for and delete comments from certain trolls. Not something we want to do, but even bitches have to sleep some time. Any comments that are more or less on topic will be let through.
Anonymous people, your comments are welcome, we just ask you to use a nickname, thanks.
To be fair - I sent a convo to Bre about the mass produced item and he thanked me for noticing and removed it.
Still - these things should be policed BEFORE they hit the Storque/Etsy front page/Gift Guides.
I love watching other idiot's self-inflicted pain...
and paid for by etsy? even better!
whatever...it's your credibility you're playing with.
if it looks like a troll and it acts like a troll..... it's troll. deleting their commments only makes you look bad.
Brooke said...
To be fair - I sent a convo to Bre about the mass produced item and he thanked me for noticing and removed it.
---------------
Well, of course they did. It's YOU asking after all. Why don't you ask them to work on easier checkout while you are at it. Are you posting here pretending to be all supportive of EB to try and convince others you haven't been troll posting here for days?!
holy moses! that is just pathetic.
these comments, however, are awesome!
Looks like he may have suffered a pretty good ass thumping !
Truly laughing my ass off over here !
... and he's damn lucky that it was ONLY the foot side that broke or he could have been FINED for littering the sidewalk with his SHIT FOR BRAINS !
Speaking of staying on topic... may I request that you all stay on topic. The topic being death-shroud hammocks.
personally, i *love* the fact that the little twat stated the following:
wildflowerdesigns, dangerousmezzo, aorta, NOSSUBGALLERY, thanks, got it, next time please convo me with issues instead of leaving comments as flags.
what? seriously? seriously???
bitterangryflowofvenomincreasing...
Brooke said...
To be fair - I sent a convo to Bre about the mass produced item and he thanked me for noticing and removed it.
---------------
Well, of course they did. It's YOU asking after all. Why don't you ask them to work on easier checkout while you are at it. Are you posting here pretending to be all supportive of EB to try and convince others you haven't been troll posting here for days?!
--
Sure. *shrug*
He didn't take it down because *I* asked. He doesn't even seem to know who I am at all. I imagine he noticed the convo and took down the item because of that and the comments in the article - there are 3 or 4.
(You might want to look in another post or two before you declare me as pro-Etsybitch. )
Okay - catching up on the bitching that is Etsy here - how I have missed this blog...and since some inconsiderate jackass has chosen to have several comment sections killed this week - I will post here. Bitches please feel free to remove my post if it's not appropriate.
All I can say it - can Rob bring the Etsy kiddies to Tennessee for a sight seeing tour? I live a fair piece down the road from where they filmed Deliverance - and know of several big bubba types that would be happy to school them in "proper human behavior and civility" the painful way...
And BTW - a month of tutorials brought to you by the letter "w" and the letter "u" - "waste of time" and "useless to boot" at it's finest...
Okay - back to our regulary scheduled program...
i barely trust hammocks as it is. i'm pretty damn crafty and i'd hesitate to make my own hammock.
I so needed a laugh when I got home from work today - my boss is made of fail shall we say!
This was a brilliant piece of mood changing youtubery - what a dick! My kids came running to see what I was hysterical about...
and aren't you glad he tested it several feet above a HARD surface. *kvetch*
Ham-mock on YouBoob
Anonymous wtf said...
whatever...it's your credibility you're playing with.
if it looks like a troll and it acts like a troll..... it's troll. deleting their commments only makes you look bad.
--------------------
You seriously either need to get laid or you need a life.
If you don't like it here..don't let the door hit you on the ass on the way out.
I didn't know what all of the commotion was about until I saw the video. I seriously cannot believe that even with the fact that they have a lawyer, they still out up videos like this.
It's a disaster and a lawsuit waiting to happen.
It makes you wonder when they're all riding unicorns and making videos, who's taking care of Etsy?
So, I need votes for what the charges were when the police car pulls up at the very end to stop them from TYING A HAMMOCK TO CITY PROPERTY.
-Three counts of bad camera angles?
-Misdemeanor offense of not knowing how to use a sewing machine?
-Ticket for "really, most people can't pull off that look and shouldn't try"?
I think the whole issue of not realising the clothesline not being sufficient is simple. No doubt no one at etsy actually does their own laundry, much less hangs it to dry to actually KNOW how much clothesline is meant to hold.
Those perfectly faded slimfit jeans don't stay that way on their own, you know. Have to drag them around the corner to the laundry twice a week, there's this little place, they don't speak English very well, but they burn incense or something? It's cool, you know? Or sometimes my mom does it. She like, she's always trying to teach me how to do it when I go home, but whatever, I got videos to make, got this great idea for a homemade flamethrower made out of styrofoam cups and stuff. It'll be great to show to teenagers.
Anyway, I think even if he realised the clothesline wasn't sufficient it wouldn't have mattered. He would have thought his own hipster bravado would have made him hover safely over the ground.
I need coffee. I'll shut up.
the used baby hammock is still listed
http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=12990675
Bets on how long it stays on the site?
brepettis says:
wildflowerdesigns, dangerousmezzo, aorta, NOSSUBGALLERY, thanks, got it, next time please convo me with issues instead of leaving comments as flags.
so...i guess sending snarky convos to tell people they suck is the preferred modus operandi of etsy admin for all sorts of situations. they like to SEND them to people who call ADMIN out for being unprofessional and moronic in the forums... and apparently they like to receive them too.
i think i'll send the whole crew some hair shirts and flagellation kits for their birthdays. if anyone knows a good etsy shop for handmade hair shirts. please post here.
What hope is there for flagging when such a blatant violation of the terms of use is kept up even when admin's attention has been drawn to it and we know for a fact they've seen it. Can they take down a listing or do they contact the seller and hope they will remove it themselves?
my third cousin died in a tragic hammock accident. :(
i find the video in poor taste.
;)
I still can't get over the fact that all those Admin posted comments, talking about how hilarious the video was, and none of them caught the reseller.
And the snarky comment brepettis left for the Etsians who pointed out the fact that he'd included a resellers among his picks really sums the place up. Way to accept criticism with grace, guys.
"I still can't get over the fact that all those Admin posted comments, talking about how hilarious the video was, and none of them caught the reseller"
--------------------------------
I wish I could say that surprised me too, but it really did not. There is so much that goes on on that site that they miss, that something mass produced being pimped by them no longer surprises me.
I'm sad that the police made the Etsy hipsters take down the colorful and groovy hammocks that they had strung all over that park.
Because I would have LOVED to run through there and tip them all out. Oops!
What an astounding example of poor craftsmanship, failure to plan ahead, and silliness. I hope they're paying Bre the big bucks.
After all, he's the one who came up with the "grumpy haters" label.
Do you think anyone even thought to run this by their legal eagle before putting it out there? I can't believe they wouldn't be advised not to do it, especially when they don't use the appropriate materials for safety. Makes you wonder about all the 'how tos' promised for the month.
I feel like my listing fees are paying for this crap. Time to expand to my own site.
He shouldn't be allowed to post anything, anywhere.
Is he supposed to be a video guru or something? I don't get it.
I think I pissed my pants laughing at how idiotic that video was. And aren't there federal regulations on how hammocks are made due to strangulation and suffocation deaths that have occurred in handmade ones? I think that may affect if you are going to sell ones you made. Lotds of liability issues here, where the hell was Sarathelawyer?
Tying hammocks to trees is not very 'earth friendly'.
At least the hammock was made with 'Earth Tones'.
Saying "at your own risk" does NOT limit liability in cases like this.
I honestly can't believe sarah the lawyer things they are covered by saying that.
And I can't believe Maria would think that either.
And the next installement "Learn to make an infant hammock!"
"Lull your infant to sleep in a hand-sewn hammock that you can make from an old pillowcase and puffy paint. Don't worry if you have no backyard, you can string it up in your shower between the shower-head and a velcro hook!"
*twitch*
Infant hammocks
*twitch*
just the idea makes me wanna start a lawsuit.
Why did he say "borrow one (a sewing maching) from your grandmother" if you don't have one? MY grandmother can't even sew. Is he assuming only old ladies have sewing machines? I know A LOT of people not in the typical grandmother-age range who DO have sewing machines. I'm sure he meant to be cute or something, but he should know better than to narrow the sewing field to a certain demographic on Etsy! Oh, and I don't even sew - but his silly little comment bothered me. I won't even go into the rest of the stupid shit about and surrounding this video.
Death Shroud - hilarious!
The comments on the Storque article are getting moderated now before being posted -- or is that how they always do it?
storque comments are always moderated but you can usually guarantee a little 'airtime' before something that isn't in the spirit of a dodo is pulled by the eds.
.... and as with digital art, it looks like anyone with a sewing machine can be a seamstress on etsy
can't wait for the other how to's - i'm suggesting "how to make a wedge cushion for base of spine injuries" as the sequel
I think they need to retitle this series
"How-Not-To"
How not to make a hammock.
How not to mend your jeans.
How not to do customer service.
How not to dress for a live videocast which will be shooting you from the neck to the waist, and you will be bent over an ironing board.
How not to ride a unicorn. (hint- don't try to ride the head)
How not to ...run a company?
my third cousin died in a tragic hammock accident. :(
-------
OMG pawandclaw, I am SO sorry that happened to you!
He looks like a reject from "Queer Eye".
WTF kind of a stupid hipster doofus name is Bre, anyway? I'll bet his mother gave him a perfectly good name like Brian or Brett, but it just wasn't cool enough for him.
"Why did he say "borrow one (a sewing maching) from your grandmother" if you don't have one? Is he assuming only old ladies have sewing machines?"
________
Of course.
there is a second item in the Storque related items on this article, which is also breaking one of the Do's and Dont's.
made.of.FAIL.
The extreme irony of my 4th of July lunch was not lost on me.
I had ... cupcakes.
Two cupcakes.
With glittery red and blue sprinkles on the white fluffy frosting.
And that was all.
At least I wasn't lying in a death-shroud hammock strung between two street signs while eating them!
BEsides all the flaws --- fabric type, materials, and the like -- his sewing quality is pathetic.
Dear heavens, THIS is what they want on ETSY? I should hang up my torch now. BEtter yet --- start working on my OWN site.
does anyone know?
is it Bre as in rhymes with the french cheese or Bre that rhymes with eh or even Bre as in the noise that an ass makes?
(obessessive i know but i do like to be able to pronounce a name properly when i'm watching it fall out of a shroud)
Ebb, I think it is "Brett" but without the Ts. Bre like in "bread" not Bre like in "Breed".
Homemade hammock=BAD
See 2:22 in that video to see why.
Why. Why??
Ok nevermind no one really knows that answer.
I think it's pronounced Bree. During some chatt with matt or other virtual labs event, when they were using video and audio, I seem to recall some of the staff mentioning him and pronouncing it Bree. My brain is like a sieve these days though so I can't remember who said it.
thanks trollie and eclipse
for some reason i had bree as in brie, the cheese in my head but i wasn't sure where i got it from and didn't want to further blight the unfortunate young man (hope his arse is feeling better now)
It may be crap as a hammock....but as a gag for DXO, perfect!
jodie nicholson said...
It may be crap as a hammock....but as a gag for DXO, perfect!
=======================
OMG!!!!!
Can we nominate for quotes of the week?
I nominate THIS!!!!!
rotflmfao
Jodie, even I don't think its enough to fully gag her. She needs a couple of these jammed in there for best results.
Ok people you just gave me an idea for ball gags that look like cupcakes.
What could I make them out of that would be teeth- and drool-proof?
vinyl? cast latex?
Just Bitchy,
Consider it on file for next weekend's EB comment post.
Eclipse,
How about rubber?
i really really really hope they make more videos like this. it's just oh so entertaining.
This comment in the storque article is priceless....
=========================
annakt says:
i can only imagine that this how-to video is really a 'how-not-to' video (and associated related items kerfuffles). right? i mean, a real how-to video would be vetted. and would be...instructional and accurate and stuff. right? so this is a joke. it has to be. ...right?
7/4/08 at 11:17p.m.
===============================
Still there. Wonder when they will delete it. It seems to be from a buyer.
HMPH, I usually post as wtf but the posts (and sentiments) above are totally not mine. I guess I'll have to get an actual blogger account.
And uh, yea, nothing the no-talent-ass-clowns that run etsy do surprises me any more. Though with 27 mil in equity, they better be careful about gettin' sued. It's always when the pockets get deep that the litigious types show up.
The other issue is that Mr. Grumpy Haters could claim workman's comp for getting hurt on the job.
They really need to get proper legal counsel because as of now they are playing fast and loose in the common sense department.
Apparently, Mr. Bre likes my suggestion in the comments at the Storque post.
I wonder if he "got" the sarcasm?
Thanks so much for the animated gif. I've forwarded it to some friends who though they were never very keen to publicise Etsy for me, seem delighted to pass on this little gem. The way it's going, 'Petting' will soon be the new 'Rickrolling'! :-)
dude also has info with illustrations on how to make the death shroud/hammock on his blog (http://www.imakethings.com/2008/07/03/make-the-urban-hammock/), which includes the helpful safety tidbit: "... In retrospect, ... and also had my hammock closer to the ground so I wouldn’t have fallen so far!"
In retrospect, wouldn't you just make sure that you did not fall in the first place?
i wonder how many times brepettis has used the phrase "wrap it around your pole a lot of times" in conversation
He sure seemed to know a lot about daisy-chains *smirk* LOL
I bet I know what all these How-tos are REALLY about. Etsy wants a tv show. I guaran-damn-tee it.
I bet you within the year they'll try to push to get a tv show.
late to this game. wow.
I'm waiting for the winter-themed video on how to make ice skates using vintage steak knives and hand-knit slipper socks.
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