The Dorque Gets a Facelift?

Well, Vanessa, this little ditty just made our day. With the usual accompanying Dorque post that goes on (and on) about the FINAL TOUCHES to ETSY BRANDING that started with a site for selling all things handmade, and turned into a self-proclaimed "online style magazine" for people who are willing to make and list what Etsy tells them to!

Oh my, and here we were, wondering what the hell Etsy Admins do all day, busy as cute little felted furry bees making sure the entire site is a cookie-cutter orange brand statement from its Front Page to its adorable little pencilled characters frolicking though the cupcaked tulips!

Despite the time of year (holidays coming, remember them Etsy?)and the scads of new rules (all the better to bonk sellers on their heads!) we are so relieved to see what’s important to Etsy------- and that’s the Brand!


No new listing template, no more secure shopping cart, no solution to NPB's and resellers, no coupon codes, no customer service department, no new promotions, or just about anything else meant to support and help sellers (other than faves) SELL on Etsy!

The circle of Etsy Fail is complete!

Starting it off right

Ahhh, a new year, a new Ets....eh not quite.

One of the first Storque articles of the new year, why it's 3 lines about Happy Hangover Day of course! What the hell is a professional blog (if we can call the Dorque that) doing with an Etc (as defined by Etsy) section anyway? Shouldn't the blog be for relevant updates?!

Oh wait, I forgot who I'm talking about.

This type of 'article' is indicative of the juvenile attitude of Etsy admin. Post shit like this in the forums, not the Blog we have to dig through for news, updates, billing information, and a slew of other things you fuckers won't email us about.

Maybe we should be impressed that you made it a few hours into the new year before showing the stupid. YOU'RE A BUSINESS. Start acting like it.

Yes, Etsy, please insult us and our customers.

I'd like to thank an Auxiliary Member who pointed us in the direction of two jaw-dropping Storque "articles" on gift ideas: "Goodies for Grandma" and "To Grandpa with Love"

Okay, folks, so we've got underemployed hipsters at Etsy writing about people over 45. Right away, you just know it's gonna be good.

Where shall I start? First of all, you'd think Etsy would be a teensy bit more sensitive about stereotyping older people on the site, after the Forum thread this June in which Storque Suprema Vanessa asked us to find some old people in the Midwest who wanted to be interviewed about quiltin' and whittlin'.

Here's the thing. We really want to represent the older demographic of Etsy sellers. We are not looking for the hip, the indie, or the alt craftster seller for this one (though we love you guys, you know we do)! We are looking for the classic, traditional, old school crafter. We are dreaming of a charming, little old lady who has been quilting for 60 years! Or a blacksmith or a furniture maker whose techniques have been passed down through the ages! Lacemaking, whittling, miniatures (and there are so many more examples...) If this is you or have noticed a shop like this on Etsy, (or your grandma or grampa or uncle that you've been dying to get on Etsy, now is the moment) and you're in the area, this is your moment to shine!

But then Etsy's Admin have become parodies of themselves, so learning from previous experiences is just not in the cards. Someone (I suspect that it was Vanessa) thought that these two articles were just the thing to help them reach out to an "older demographic" at this festive season of goodwill.

Fail.

First up is Vanessa herself, clearly none the wiser after her experience this summer, writing (somewhat unintelligibly) about Grandmothers:

Grandmothers know how to welcome kids into their homes for the holidays. They [sic] always filled cookie jar! There's a child-size rocking chair for the older sister and her doll, while grandma rocks the new baby in hers. Many of our grandmothers were the ones to teach us how to make things — and so these ladies appreciate a well-crafted item as a holiday gift.

Featured items include rocking chairs, a vintage handbag, birdhouses, a quilt, owl shaped soap (wearing a scarf no less), a teapot (with "lifecast nipples" on the lid and as the feet), a jar shaped like a cupcake, a Victorian love note (How freaking old do they think our grandmas are?) and, of course, the obligatory cowl. Yes, folks, they included a cowl.

Then we have TeenAngster (the fount of wit and wisdom who gave us style picks inspired by mass murderers), waxing rhapsodical about grandfathers:

Oh, dear grandpas! What would we do without your wisdom, candy filled pockets and subtle aroma of pipe smoke and Brut? This holiday season, give Grandpa a finely crafted gift that suits his hobbies and interests. He'll be sure to reciprocate with plenty of butterscotch candies and piggyback rides!"

Stylish picks include glasses cases, mugs, pipeholders, fishing themed knickknacks, a ship in a bottle and a walking stick.

What fucking planet are these Storquians from? It's like something out of "Little House on the Prairie" or "Anne of Green Gables". " The always filled cookie jar!" "Subtle aroma of pipe smoke and Brut?" What's with the insane stereotypes? (My grandad, by the way, smelt of scotch and halitosis, and it wasn't at all subtle). The only way Etsy Admin seem able to approach people different from themselves is by labeling and stereotyping, and it would be funny if it wasn't so damned sad. And insulting.

Not everyone is taking the articles lying down. There are some great comments on the Grandmas article from members of the WWWG Team (Wild, Wise, Witty Grandmamas) pointing out that many grandmothers would prefer something more young and trendy (as well as the cowl-knitter taking umbrage with her piece being labeled "for grannies"., and some people just noting that ageism seems always fashionable at Etsy.) There's also one commenter on the Grandpas article pointing out drily that her grandfather listens to heavy metal.

Etsy, please remember that behind every apple-cheeked cookie-baking Grandma and grizzled, cardigan-wearing, Brut-bedabbed Grandpa there's a real human being who would probably like, more than anything this Christmas, a little respect for his or her individuality. Or they'll kick your asses.

(Oh and that nippley teapot? Brooklyn seller. Of course.)

Close only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades

That is something a teacher of mine used to say, and it immediately came to mind when it was pointed out that Vanessa's tragic attempt at reaching out was closed by MaryMary only to be restated - in a potentially insulting way.

who specialize in traditional artisan crafting and/or might be in an older age bracket. We'll leave it to you to decide what older age bracket means since many of us are all only as old as we feel. With that it mind, we'd still love to hear from anyone in the area that might be interested.

Now, I have to give them credit...they're trying! They've obviously been listening and realize that the aesthetic they've been pushing is too narrow and just not cutting it. They also changed the group they were looking for, notice the broader inclusion in MaryMary's OP versus Vanessa's.

However, admin have multiple tools at their exposure that would bypass the need of such posts, nevermind referring to the "older age bracket." But these tools we've been complaining about not working or being relevant aren't even being used by admin!!

Now THAT tells you something.

By the way, noone has yet posted in MaryMary's thread...let's not. Let's make admin use their own faulty tools so they get a taste of our daily life and maybe some ideas on making them better.

This is Why Supervisors Exist

From the Bitches Auxiliary:

Once again, Etsy has let loose with a forum post directed to old fogies, old bats, old ladies, hags, little old ladies — otherwise pigeonholed as Etsy to be "traditional crafters" and people who make, well, products worthy to be sold to the public online! You know, like, ARTISANS.

Anyone at Etsy heard of supervision and management? How about Public Relations? How about proofing an extremely long and insulting Admin forum post BEFORE it gets posted? How about running it by the "Does this reflect the Etsy Image?" manager?

Didn't Etsy learn its lesson several months ago when the furor resulted in a blast in the Consumerist? Or is it a terminally short attention span?

If you didn't get your old hag dander up with the original post, you have to read the "apology" with additional snide remarks by — well, the same Admin group that were exposed the last time!

Another fine example of lack of thought, lack of integrity, and the widening gap between Etsy the company and Etsy the Sellers.

Pie in the face (or faces) does not do this one justice.

Etsy finally admits that The Storque is not News

I am currently vastly amused by this thread on the Etsy Forums. In response to a seller's original post, "Why does the NEWS link now say BLOG? -- Is it just me?"

Admin marymary replies, complete with hugs and kisses:

"That's right and it's not just you, so glad you noticed!

We changed the word "news" to "blog" in the main navigation bar to create less confusion over all the wonderful things the Storque has to offer.

The Storque is not just site news, and includes several articles that read more like a blog. No fear though, it's just the word that has changed and we will still point you in the direction of the Storque when looking for site news and important techupdates.

xoxo"

Oddly enough, marymary doesn't link to The Storque article on the change. There Head Storquette Vanessa admits, ""News" seemed misleading because the Storque is a whole lot more than site news. "Storque" is perhaps too mysterious for newbie readers".

My week has been made. Etsy has publicly admitted what most of us have realized ever since The Storque was launched as a replacement for the EtsyBlog: The Storque is not news (and, furthermore, it's a really, really dumb name, spelt in a meaninglessly obscure way.)

But perhaps the term "Blog" isn't clear enough, Etsy. The Bitches have some suggestions for straplines, in case you decide to further clarify the actual function of The Storque:

"Self-serving free promos for those 25 stores we like best and promote 24/7 because they are related to us."

"Underscoring the pointlessness of podcasting since 2007".

"We Blog Because We Have Nothing Better To Do, Love, Etsy."