New wording for Oopsie Page

So now the brickwall's gone, maybe the wording on the new "Oopsie Page" * could be made a little bolder? More colorful? More descriptive?

HEY YOU! YES, YOU!
Don't waste your time looking for this username here.

1. This user quit Etsy in disgust.
2. This user quit Etsy in protest.
3. This user was a sockpuppet.
4. This user was hounded unfairly by other Etsians and is no longer with us.
5. This user was forced to make a buyer account to purchase something here, and closed it immediately afterwards.
6. This user has finally figured out that for the money she pays Etsy, she could have and promote her own website, not someone else's.
   
7. This user was a spammer.
8. This user was a bastard reseller and got shitcanned really quickly for it.
9. This user was a bastard reseller and got shitcanned only after a huge internet protest embarrassed Etsy into removing her.
10. This user mouthed off to Anda/DanielleXO/Rokali once too often and got shitcanned for it.
11. This user has retired to an ashram in South Dakota with no internet access. The very mention of shrinky dink, cupcakes or plushies makes her tic act up.

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* thanks for the moniker, Impetuous