Gift Guides Bullshit

Always late to the party (again) - we’re starting to wonder if those Admins are asleep at their keyboards with the flurry of wacky, detached-from-reality posts from both marymary and HeyMichele dated December 2nd about how sellers can "nominate" your picks for the GG’s.

That’s right, sellers, another round of WHAT SELLERS CAN DO FOR FREE FOR ETSY while they twitter their paid-hours away on faves and more faves!

Once we get past the fact that all of this should have been a hot topic in mid-September, too late is really too late, and lame "announcements" telling sellers to do the work that ETSY REFUSES TO DO ITSELF is finally going over the edge.

Not only that, but both marymary and HeyMichele list several links that take awhile to read because, surprise surprise...there are RULES for nominating your GG picks!
1)Etsy stylized pix so you can’t see the actual product
2)You can pick your own items, but Etsy prefers you to work your ass of promoting OTHERS so you’re even less likely to sell
3)Make sure the item is sold in multiples, you know, like big box stores (fuck OOAK)

After you do all that reading, follow all the Etsy formula branding rules, never promote yourself, and buy into more and more Etsy asshattery, here’s the final message from HeyMichele:

"We can't promise all items nominated in this thread will make it into the guides, but we will be looking through them frequently. Additionally, we may select nominated items and place them in a different guide than suggested, or we may even select something different within the shop of the nominated item."

Total, complete and utterly arrogant BULLSHIT.


More work for sellers with absolutely NOTHING in return!

Black Friday/Cyber Monday and More Etsy Crap

Always pitifully late to the party, Etsy published their "plan" for Black Friday/Cyber Monday on November 20, and guess what sellers? It’s a list of what sellers can do to lose more money on Etsy!

Yes, you too can:
1. Lower your prices to below-below cost!

2. Label everything in your store BARGAIN! DISCOUNT! 99% OFF!
2. Offer FREE SHIPPING and lose big piles of money fast!
3. Market Etsy for free all over cyberspace and provide even MORE free labor than usual!


Sure looks like marymary did it again! Slapped together a crappy plan in 5 minutes to make it look like Etsy's doing something for sellers when it’s all about WHAT SELLERS CAN DO FOR ETSY! How much lower can you go Etsy?


Thanks Mary for giving sellers even more work to do to NOT sell a damn thing on Etsy!

Boo!

It's Halloween and nothing's scarier than Etsy admin! Especially when they dress up as their favorite sellers in cowls. And what exactly is Maria dressed up as? Someone who likes to roll in money maybe?!

Be afraid, very afraid, and be on the lookout for cowl-wearing zombies!

Same ol’, Same ol’

Oh crap, marymary has decided instead of actually taking the long list of terrific seller suggestions for NEW PROMOTIONS on the site to replace those much hated WEEKEND DEALS, she’s going to let us SUGGEST Etsy Finds for the month of November! Wow!

Digging deep into Etsy’s own, old, tired, repetitive and overdone promotions, here’s a list of November Find topics (ho-hum) for sellers to "review" and "suggest" or, in Etsy Lingo — give us that rubber stamp sellers, we’re gonna do our own thing anyway!

• Suggest fresh, new, and emerging shops (isn't that Finds already?)



• Suggest Team Events and Happenings (shoppers care about this?)



• Suggest unique gift ideas under $50 USD (the promotion every retail site is using this year!)



• Black Friday through Cyber Monday Free Worldwide Shipping***

***Oh goody, another wacky promotion that takes more out of sellers’ pockets with free shipping! Hey, that’s kinda like Weekend Deals = sellers pay (and pay dearly) in the end!

The Announcement ends with the usual bull: "Thanks in advance for your suggestions and participation, Mary" oh right, sellers’ suggestions ----- right, Etsy, like you’re suddenly listening to sellers! Suprising? No. Insulting? Yes.

So predictable

Well, Etsy seemed to get the note about mentioning gifting holidays in advance. Today's Etsy Finds email was about deals on gifts for Dad as Father's Day is in 3 weeks. But they have such a fixation on certain items, and nothing says "I'll love you in 6 months" like a cowl for a June holiday.

Here's the Finds in the Dorque, it's the same as what was emailed. Scroll down to the last item lol
Come on Etsy, you have us debating whether admin need a therapist for a new disease: EAOF, Etsy Admin Object Fixation. Otherwise known as "Oof", as in "Oof that's a bad choice again"

You're just so damn predictable. Maybe Etsy Finds Bingo should be our next game.

(Yes, it is Winter down under, but Australia and New Zealand celebrate Father's Day in September, just before Spring - when cowls wouldn't make sense either)

An International Gripe

We received some interesting figures in an email from a seller who's a bit peeved at Etsy's ungraceful lip service to sellers who ship internationally.

So today’s Etsy Finds recognized that in the UK Mothering Sunday comes in March. March 22nd to be precise. and today’s date? March 12th, which is a Thursday ie. 10 days from Mothering Sunday in the UK (Ireland and Nigeria) aka 6 business days.

Assuming shipping from one of the major seller groups on etsy, to guarantee arrival in time will cost (<250g packet)
from US = 27.95 USD for expedited mail international (3-5 business days)
from Canada = 50.87 CAD for Xpresspost (4 business days)
within UK = approx 2GBP if package is letter-type (1-3 business days) or 4.20GBP standard parcel (3 business days) or 12.99 GBP for a guaranteed parcelforce delivery at 48 hours

Etsy - where the internet ends at the border?

Mary seems to know what’s up in her Weekend Deals Finds email Friday

“Don't forget to plan ahead for Mother's Day this year”

and pushes shop local in the March 12 finds, which might help, but a week (6 business days to be exact) for local shipping isn’t enough time sometimes – and what about custom items? Etsy's response has always been that expedited shipping is available - 50 CAD though? come on - that is far from a reasonable suggestion, especially when the average sale price on Etsy is $15! And they keep pushing "bargains" and "weekend deals".

They probably forgot to mark the UK holidays on their calendar and Mary woke up Thursday with an “oh shit” moment. This too little too late promotion isn’t going over the heads of international sellers. They would’ve done better to just forget it, or admit that they’re only keeping up with U.S. holidays for simplicity and leave it at that. We recognize that there are so many holidays to take into consideration, but with a finds email every day they have room to push these things in advance. The finds email isn’t the same as making a design for the front page or making room for it on the site. There’s no extra energy involved other than checking a calendar before putting together the email items.

According to the International Seller Survey (which is nowhere near scientific, but it’s what we have to work with), most of the overseas shops are in the UK and Europe, followed by Canada and then Australia (together making up a huge chunk of the pie and about 30-40% of all sellers on Etsy based on older figures). These holidays should be on Etsy’s radar…period. And they can’t eliminate shipping from Canada (or the U.S.) by mentioning a holiday a week beforehand.

The International Development admin really needs to sit down the old hat admins and remind them why she was hired: the rest of the staff are morons about what’s outside NYC

Etsy apologizes but still Fails

It's a landmark moment, Etsy has publicly (via Twitter) apologized for erroneously closing a thread. (BTW, it's Anda that does most of the Etsy twitters, but Mary was the one who closed the thread)

But what did it take to get there...lots of @Etsy tweets from some on the spot Etsians helping one another when admin were being lazy and not fully assessing a situation. Despite Mary being told that she was wrong, it was 24 hours later that things were somewhat rectified (Hey, Etsy always wanted a 'community'. Bet they never figured it would work against them).

What situation? you ask. Well you see, the great gift certificate push Etsy has been doing is actually new. So new in fact that about a year ago, gift certificates were considered 'illegal' on Etsy.

This old closed thread was being discussed in regards to the recent Storque feature on GCs. A seller quoted the admin's post and then got in trouble because admin thought it was a 'private convo'.

Stupid admin. If you would only learn to read...and make up your fucking minds about what is allowed and not allowed. Supposedly, GC's have been alright since just a few months after that thread because they wrote another how-to on them last Holiday season. Did anyone get the email about this when it was changed in the TOU? Oh wait, Etsy doesn't send out emails!

As for the not-so-naughty comment. It was an exact copy and paste quote of admin's OP in 2007:

Etsy Admin
Chillionaire says:
Hi forum folks! So I'm gearing up to send out convos to any sellers who have gift certificate listings in their shop. I know this issue will end up in the forum, so I figured I'd be the one to start it. I will be sending the same convo out to everyone, stating that gift cert. listings need to be removed, and I figured I would just let the message be public. Sorry if you read this thread and then have to deal with one in your inbox, but I know that not all sellers read the forum. I'll try to check back on this thread, but I can't guarantee how much time I'll have to respond. Anywho, I hope no one takes offense, this is just how it goes!
xo
LoriForty

Here's the convo:

Hi there!
Thank you for being part of the Etsy community and sharing your crafts with the world! You may not be aware, but we ask that sellers not feature gift certificate listings in their shop. We appreciate the ingenuity, but gift certificates often lead to buyer/seller disputes and they violate our Terms of Use. If you will kindly remove the listing(s) from your shop, we will be glad to refund your listing fee. Please visit the Forums or email support [!at] etsy.com if you have any questions.
Happy crafting,
Lori

For your listing fee refund: Email support [!at] etsy.com with your user name and the listing number of the gift certificate listing. Make sure to take down the listing number before you remove the listing!

Stop fucking your customers Etsy. Or at least use a little lube.

Busted

Dear Marymary, this was not the first or even the second occurence. This time it was Anda's turn to get her shop prominently featured.

Admin chimed in on this thread 5 times before shutting down the thread. Etsy, did your customers catch you with your panties down? Below are some of the defensive responses from Etsy Admin:

Thanks so much for expressing your concerns with admins that have shops and the possibility of them being featured on the site. To be perfectly honest, we have an internal rule that items from admin shops are not to be featured on the homepage or in the gift guides.

This rule has been in effect for close to a year now and if for any reason you see an item featured on Etsy that might be from an admin shop, you are welcome to send us an email to community [!at] etsy.com and we will have it removed.

A treasury with an item from an admin shop would not be denied a highlight on the front page. The item from the admin shop would simply be excluded from the list of item ID's that are loaded on the front page.

Admins must disclose all of their shops on Etsy in their profiles, yes.

If a treasury is selected and loaded on the front page, the admin item would simply be excluded and in it's place the first alternate would appear.

You can find a list of all admins right here: www.etsy.com/about.php

If the admin has a shop/s, it will be listed in their profile. While I can see how a public list of admin shops might be helpful to some, it also might be viewed as further promotions to admins or unfair in some way...so I don't see this becoming a feature any time soon, I apologize.

The items featured in that article were chosen by a guest writer from Domino magazine. We have since removed the item in question; it should not have been included, and we apologize for the error.

Etsy, Etsy...... tsk. You make it sound like this was a once-in-a-lifetime occurrence. How stupid do you think your customers are? Tens of thousands of shops on Etsy. Yet the same people are highlighted in the Gift Guides, Etsy Finds, on the front page Etsy Admin curated treasuries. That, Etsy, is pathetic.

Screenshot credit goes to Eclipse, sorry I forgot to post that last night.

More from the Muted

We got this today from Quirke and since we were given permission and the story is so fucking insane, we present it in its entirety.

If you ever doubted the running theory you can say anything on the Etsy Forums as long as you don't question admin's intelligence, motivations or "ah-thoritay"... this letter is for you. You have to supply your own cupcakes to maintain your sugar induced blissfull ignorance. We'd ask Etsy to respond but fuck them. We're not that kind of blog and their actions speak louder than words so who gives a crap what they say anyway.

Hello Bitches

I am writing to you to let you and your readers know what can happen to them if they openly criticize the failures of Etsy admin.

I have been muted for 7 days for this thread.

Three different admins – Rob W, Lauren, and Mary – weighed in on that thread but did not close it. In the end it was closed due to an argument between two people that had nothing to do with either myself or the issue at hand.

While that thread was still open, I received a convo from Stellaloella/Lauren. She told me she participated in the review process for featured items and had let the Content Team know about the item I saw that prompted me to start the thread. She also asked for other examples of rule-breaking that had been promoted. I sent her five examples.

On Friday I became aware that admin had featured both treasuries of a double-dipping curator on the very same day. I started a thread about it here, which was swiftly locked.

The next day I received the notification that I was muted for 7 days. They felt the need to hammer this home so much that they sent it to five different email addresses of mine, including one that is not attached to any Etsy account.

The given reason was "calling out". If it was calling out, why did that thread stay open, with three different admin posting in response, and only closed when two people became disrespectful to each other?

I was calling out admin. Sellers and buyers call each other out every day on the forums without being muted in response. People are abusive to each other every day without being punished. Apparently you can even get away with calling Matt a c*nt without repercussion. But point out admin is either willfully ignoring their own rules or too blind to notice when they're being broken, and you will get a week's detention. Reply to an admin who disingenuously asks for "examples", and get gagged.

Rule-breakers don't get punished, but people who point out rule-breakers do.

Incidentally, the item which prompted me to start that thread is still there, still breaking the rules.

You have my permission to publish this in its entirety.

God knows Quirke is no virgin to mystery Etsy mutings, but regardless - this is a completely insane banning.

For shame Esty, you should be embracing those who point out your mistakes, not punish them like petulant children when it's your site they are trying to improve. Maybe if you did your jobs you'd have less to panic about covering them up.

Don't List!!

Once again, items are not showing up after listing, specifically relisting and renewing.

You won't get your money's worth so don't list right now.

MaryMary posted this thread where hopefully they will post when things are working again. Also, it would be nice if Etsy would email their members about this technical issue that effects exposure. Just randomly venturing into the forums and seeing the bug isn't enough for sellers to know about this issue.

Once again, Etsy, it's about c-o-m-m-u-n-i-c-a-t-i-o-n...all together now...COMMUNICATION!

How far is the stick jammed up there anyway?

We got more than one email about the locking of this thread, and we're as disgusted as the people who wrote to us. Every single person who posted in this thread did so because they enjoyed the OP's post. There was no fighting, calling out, abuse, trolling, or harassment, just eighteen pages of people having a good chuckle. And then down came the Etsy Hammer of No Fun Allowed.

marymary says:

While we can all appreciate some comic relief, we do ask that other members of the Community not be called out or mocked in the process (even if it is only meant in jest).

Calling out? Mocking? The only mockery going on was self-mockery by people able to reflect upon their own selves, identify with the OP, and find the humour in it. What happened, Etsy? Did you break your sense of humour when your crappy hammocks collapsed underneath you? Did someone piss on your cupcakes that day? It's pretty unfuckingbelievable that admin has the time to read through threads like these and lock them with some ridiculous excuse when there's actual abuse, harassment and trolling going utterly ignored in other threads. Maybe their priorities were also damaged in the Great Hammock Disaster of '08. Whatever the reason, Etsy, get with the fucking program and do something useful instead of making it your mission to crush any enjoyable aspect of the forums.

Quotables: Locked so fast it'll make your head spin

MaryMary responds in a flash!

...the point my post is to express how annoyed I am at constantly having to apologize for Etsy...sorry you lost the contents of your cart when you went back, sorry you didn’t realize prices are in USD, if you squint and take a closer look you can see a tiny USD sign on each listing, sorry Etsy doesn’t make that clearer for international buyers, sorry that you found the check-out process difficult to follow, sorry you thought you’d paid but you didn’t, etc.

Oh and both situations have been solved so I don’t need solutions, I just wanted to say that I don’t think either incident should have happened in the first place, and I shouldn’t have to go into damage control and endless explanations and apologies every time I sell something.

I’m sick of apologizing for Etsy, I don’t want any fancy tools, all I want is for my customers to be able to find me, add my items to their cart, not be surprised that my prices are in USD, check-out, and pay, surely that’s not too much to ask for.

If you were quoted, congratulations and thanks! You can find your
celebratory "I've been Quoted" (and other EB avatars) by clicking here.

Blast-fax kudos, all around!

Far be it from us bitches to refrain from giving credit where credit is due. Etsy has announced a useful (gasp) new feature - related items showing up in sold listings! (Don't panic if you can't see them- they don't show up in your own shop when you're logged in, but you can see them in someone else's shop.) More information can be found on Marymary's announcement thread.

While the feature probably won't be any use to people already browsing through Etsy, since most shoppers would not sift through already sold items before looking through a shop, it will really help sellers who have items linked to by blogs and outside websites, or buyers who are looking through the "just sold" Time Machine or Pounce. This way there's an eye-catching, easy way to click through to the shop from the sold item screen.

Of course, there are lots of things that could make this feature even better. Here are a few quotes from the thread with great explanations and suggestions:

Ivydee says:
I think its less for those who are coming into your store through the "front door" than it is for those who may have linked directly to a sold item through either a blog, favorites page or google search.

It would seem to be more useful if it linked to items within the same category, though. So if someone ended up on a page with a pair of your earrings, it would show them other earrings from your shop.

eclipse says:
I really like this.
The best part is that if a sold item is relisted and has the identical title, it's the item shown. That is much smarter than just showing the 3 featured items for example.

I go through my favorites periodically to clean out sold items and this way it really helps me find the relisted identical item quickly! (I used to have to search the shop)

Is there any way to get a similar thing for expired items?

glittercritter says:
System pulls from tag matches after the title match.
* System pulls from same shop section sold item was listed in (love this one).
* Move "this item sold on..." text below the three active items.


Please add

*suggest items on shopping cart page

*suggest items that have sold out in our favorites

As nice as this update is, it does come fairly hard on the heels of Rob and Maria's little chat where they floated the idea of a "see similar items" widget that would NOT pull exclusively from a seller's shop. It does make one a bit suspicious that they were planning this all along and then changed the plan midstream when they realized that doing so would turn even Team Cupcake against them.

Close only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades

That is something a teacher of mine used to say, and it immediately came to mind when it was pointed out that Vanessa's tragic attempt at reaching out was closed by MaryMary only to be restated - in a potentially insulting way.

who specialize in traditional artisan crafting and/or might be in an older age bracket. We'll leave it to you to decide what older age bracket means since many of us are all only as old as we feel. With that it mind, we'd still love to hear from anyone in the area that might be interested.

Now, I have to give them credit...they're trying! They've obviously been listening and realize that the aesthetic they've been pushing is too narrow and just not cutting it. They also changed the group they were looking for, notice the broader inclusion in MaryMary's OP versus Vanessa's.

However, admin have multiple tools at their exposure that would bypass the need of such posts, nevermind referring to the "older age bracket." But these tools we've been complaining about not working or being relevant aren't even being used by admin!!

Now THAT tells you something.

By the way, noone has yet posted in MaryMary's thread...let's not. Let's make admin use their own faulty tools so they get a taste of our daily life and maybe some ideas on making them better.

Quotable Quotes: How to Lock a Thread

MaryMary style:

"Please remember to be respectful to the big hairy Admin asses. I believe this is addressed somewhere in our TOU, Dos & Don'ts or someplace in the Storque. I think. Maybe. Probably. We're working on that. Thanks for your input; I'm making a list and will pass along your communication concerns at the the next staff meeting, which is in August, but we can't commit to that because, you know, schedules are tricky things and priorities change. But I'm definitely probably maybe going to put in on my list."

From the Bitches Auxiliary

At 3:17 PM today (June 16) marymary started a new thread in the Ideas fora titled "Help Etsy Communicate better with its Community".

Immediately there was an onslought of posts expressing ideas to better the communication. Of course we've all been screaming for months that Etsy should stop locking threads and redirecting us to old threads in the Bugs fora.

At 3:46PM RevolvingDork closed sherrytruitt's post in Site Help titled "THE VIEWS PROBLEM cannot be fixed" and how exactly did he do this.. by redirecting us to a thread from APRIL about the views.


RevolvingDork says: "I thank you all for attempting to reduce confusion in
the forums, but I'm going to close this one up because it's a little
misleading.

The view issue can and will be fixed, but it may take a little while.
Please see this thread for all the current information on the
matter: http://www.etsy.com/forums_thread.php?thread_id=5588705


Oh Etsy tell us again how much you value our opinion and wish to communicate better.

Etsy finally admits that The Storque is not News

I am currently vastly amused by this thread on the Etsy Forums. In response to a seller's original post, "Why does the NEWS link now say BLOG? -- Is it just me?"

Admin marymary replies, complete with hugs and kisses:

"That's right and it's not just you, so glad you noticed!

We changed the word "news" to "blog" in the main navigation bar to create less confusion over all the wonderful things the Storque has to offer.

The Storque is not just site news, and includes several articles that read more like a blog. No fear though, it's just the word that has changed and we will still point you in the direction of the Storque when looking for site news and important techupdates.

xoxo"

Oddly enough, marymary doesn't link to The Storque article on the change. There Head Storquette Vanessa admits, ""News" seemed misleading because the Storque is a whole lot more than site news. "Storque" is perhaps too mysterious for newbie readers".

My week has been made. Etsy has publicly admitted what most of us have realized ever since The Storque was launched as a replacement for the EtsyBlog: The Storque is not news (and, furthermore, it's a really, really dumb name, spelt in a meaninglessly obscure way.)

But perhaps the term "Blog" isn't clear enough, Etsy. The Bitches have some suggestions for straplines, in case you decide to further clarify the actual function of The Storque:

"Self-serving free promos for those 25 stores we like best and promote 24/7 because they are related to us."

"Underscoring the pointlessness of podcasting since 2007".

"We Blog Because We Have Nothing Better To Do, Love, Etsy."