Oh fake Rokali, where have you been all my life?

This is inspired parody.

The Birth of an Idea

I sat in an orange chair facing an open window. Or maybe it was a green chair. Anyway, I was sitting in this chair. It was nighttime and the lights were off. Which made it hard to tell what color the chair was.

But I sat in that chair, in front of that open window, and I could smell madeleines baking. Which was odd, because I was in Brooklyn.

You can follow the wisdom of FakeRokali, on Twitter. For additional yuks, follow FakeLisaJune.

Oh, My Etsy-Aching Head!

Lock lock, mute mute, gotta make a cowl, I can’t knit, Gramma? Gotta get the wrapping paper, lock lock, mute mute, did I buy enough showcases this month? What did she say about me in the forums? Lock lock, mute mute, hey I sent an email to support@ 7 weeks ago! Lock lock, mute mute, gotta make the grass-growing thingy and list it in my store, should I price it $2 or $3? Lock lock, mute mute oh boy, you mean I actually have to pack up these sales and put them in the mail? How do I do that? Where’s the post office? Lock lock, mute mute, did I relist 125 items today or should I do it tomorrow, I can do without groceries for another 2 weeks, lock lock, mute mute. Is it Etsy-ready, cool yet urban, pseudo green and a must-have? Ooops, my camera broke, I’ll just borrow the pix from that catalog, they look the same, lock lock, mute mute, I dunno, should I buy a banner for my store, or buy 6 booklets for sale on Etsy about how to sell on Etsy like every other seller on Etsy doing all the same things that I’m doing, oh, I forgot to relist again today, how is anyone going to see my $5 bargains, is there a weekend sale going on, did I get in, am I on the Front Page, why doesn’t Etsy answer my email? Lock lock mute mute oh damn, time to go to the bathroom, noooooooooo, hey, my Etsy Bill is $87.60 and I didn’t sell a thing last month! Oh, I forgot to relist again, where is that section in the 450-page Etsy Handbook, they’ll tell me what to do! Lock lock, mute mute, oh golly, boohoooohoooo, no one looks at my store anymore! .
Maybe I need to put something on the forums like, uhmm, like, uhmmm, "Where did my views go?" What section should it go in? Will you look at my store and tell my what I’m doing wrong? Lock lock, mute mute, I just wanna be Etsy-Admin-loved, what’s wrong with that?
Lock lock, mute mute gotta get to the yarn store, did I relist 100 items today like I promised myself? Gotta make the fingerless gloves, nope, a flower brooch, no a beige hairband, no a feathered bird, no something that looks geeky, nope, something under glass? hmmmm, gotta relist, gotta relist, gotta relist, lock lock, mute mute.
Lather, rinse, repeat, lock lock, mute mute.

In case you missed it...

Click pic to View larger

We thought this was a lovely, well thought out and carefully executed treasury, but it was not to be. It lasted nearly 24 hours, but was deleted by cruel humourless Etsy admin.

And here we were rooting for the front page.

EB comment of the season

forum rubbernecker!

Everybody sing now....

Grandma got run over by some hipsters
While trying to do some shopping Christmas Eve
All their gloves were fingerless
And in temps of 20, I believe

She'd been been shopping for some fun stuff
And they begged her not to buy
But she said " I'm still alive"
And poked her manicured finger in their eye

When we found her Christmas morning
At the scene of the attack
She'd been forced into a rocker
With a quilted pillow at her back

Grandma got run over by some hipsters
While trying to do some shopping Christmas Eve
All their gloves were fingerless
And in temps of 20, I believe

Now we're all so proud of grandpa
He ain't taking it too well
He's gonna tell those hipsters
To eff off and go to
.....

It's not Christmas without rockers
For the old folks you know
And we can't help but wonder
Will the hipsters eat their crow?

Grandma got run over by some hipsters
While trying to do some shopping Christmas Eve
All their gloves were fingerless
And in temps of 20, I believe

If you were quoted, congratulations and thanks! You can find yourcelebratory "I've been Quoted" (and other EB avatars) by clicking here.

Brooklyn Hipster Olympics

I know it's not directly related to Etsy, but it was sent in by a reader and if you are like us (and you are if you are reading this blog) you will find this just plain funny.
Disclaimer: Do not eat or drink while watching this video.

What... no Hammock Making Marathon?

And don't miss this deleted scene: The Ironic Mustache Event