Customer Service The Etsy Way

With service like this, why would Etsy sellers ever go on strike?!

Cast:
Seller (S)calling for urgent help
Phone Autobot (PA)the robo-phone voice

S: Ok, here’s that damn customer service number
*picks up phone dials 1-800-ETSYCORP*

ring ring ring

S: “Etsy? I have a customer with a $3,000 order and she can’t get the shopping cart to work, hello? What?

PA: I’m sorry, but the number you have reached is not in service at this time. To repeat this message, Press 1

Seller: Oh shit *presses 1*

PA: I’m sorry, but did I say that number is not in service? I mean, gee, I’ve been doing a lot of research since you’re the 19,532 caller who’s dialed 1-800-ETSYCORP today and that number doesn’t seem to be in our directory. Are you sure they printed the right number? To repeat this message, Press 1

S: What? Hello! Is there anyone there? Can I talk to a real human please? Hey! I need some help! Human, give me a human!
*presses 0* BEEP
*presses 9* BEEP
Shit on a shingle *presses 1*

PA: I’m sorry but you are calling a number that seems to have never existed. Did you want Esty Customer Service? I’ve been doing a lot of research since you started hitting 0 and 9 on your phone to talk to a human being, but there is no Etsy Customer Service. In fact there never has been an Etsy Customer Service. Do you have another number you can try? To repeat this message Press 1.

S: Hello? Can you hear me? What? But this phone number is right on page 468,942 of the Etsy Seller Handbook! It took me 3 days to find it! Are you telling me that no one can help me help my customer finish up her $3,000 order in my Etsy Store? Hello? Give me a human being to talk to, hello? human?
*presses 0* BEEP! *presses 9* BEEP! Oh crap *presses 1*

PA: I’m sorry, it appears that Etsy has no Customer Service nor did they ever have Customer Service, and I don’t know where you got this phone number from lady, but get a grip on yourself! To not repeat this message, would you just hang up your phone? *Click*

S: Aauuuurrrrrrgh, SHIT shit shit shit shit!

To avoid this, choose a different venue! Zibbet customer service, Dawanda feedback, and iCraft use problem-specific ticket systems, Artfire customer service has a toll-free phone number, even Shoply has a phone number you can call!!

A Followup: That Letter We Sent to Rob...

In one of our last posts I told you how we sent a letter from reader venting about inaction from Etsy to Rokali, by his request, after our little talk. I'm pleased to send you this followup, reprinted with the readers permission.

To paraphrase her problem: no help or responses from Etsy on a featured seller who wasn't able to keep up, having more than two dozen negative feedback for non-delivery,and no responses to comvos and emails - and now it was more than the 45 day Paypal deadline to get her money refunded and had nothing but, shame, hassle and silence from Etsy:

I am writing to tell you that I just got a refund! Indeed Rob Kalin forwarded my email to Bernadette Sweeney and after we exchanged a couple of emails she got my issue resolved. She was kind and even offered to talk to me over the phone if I wanted. She admitted that I shouldn't have to go through EtsyBitch in order to actually have a real person email me back. I stressed that customer service is extremely important and that they shouldn't think like a small company now that they're a big one. They have a lot to do, that's for sure. I hope Rob Kalin will be taking etsy towards the correct direction.

Also, I got another email from Bernadette after I wrote back to thank her for her involvement. You might be happy to know that the support team will double in size over the next few months! When this happens, they intend to thoroughly investigate member inquiries, get rid of canned responses and do everything within their power to satisfy etsy members. Sounds cool! Hope they get there soon! Overall, Bernadette seemed genuinely concerned and happy that she got the opportunity to help me and make me a content member of the community again.

Thank you sooo much for your help! It's so wonderful to find support from people you don't even know but you share a common passion with: Shopping and etsy :) Oh and keep up the good work! All voices must be heard in order to have progress. Bitching can sometimes be very productive.

So, the buyer finally got her money back. The overburdened seller, unable to keep up with her sudden fame and popularity, is still open and selling - but what about all her other buyers that I bet are still left without their purchases?

The another big question is: Why is this seller with over 30 negs still open when Etsy has closed shops with a SINGLE bad feedback? Sometimes for a fraudulent one! Sometimes no bad feedback at all! Why Etsy, why? When are you going to adopt a clear policy on what gets a shop shut down? What about ones that your feature made too big of a success?

Etsy talks about “Product” and “Priorities” but what about what sellers want?

If you are just getting the latest "Etsy News" in your inboxes gushing about a long list of Etsy-generated changes to the site that are so old and insignificant, the sellers must be wondering where the hell Etsy’s been for the first 6 months of 2009. Out of town (again) on a PR junket? Etsy is out of town so much these days that it’s weekend light duty at Gold Street 24/7!

We’d like to point a finger at the meager, brief, and trite gobbledegook:

"Help improving customer support is top of mind for us at Etsy. We will be updating our internal systems and processes in the coming months to provide better support to our members. This includes updating our Help pages to make it easier for members to find information more quickly."

What did you say? Top of mind? Huh? Does sentence #1 read a lot like sentence #2? Did we just develop a bad case of double vision? Sudden lack of comprehension?

IF you mean Customer Service, as in PROVIDING CONCRETE AND COMPREHENSIVE CUSTOMER SUPPORT for sellers on Etsy, sellers have been thinking (for 4 whole years) that this means:
1. Email support 24/7 with an online Request for Help function with a finite turnaround of 24-48 hours.
2. 1-800 Customer Support during regular business hours.

You know, like every other huge online retail site provides - a formal Customer Service Department that acts like customer service! You know, that little button at the bottom of the front page that says "Contact Customer Service"...like that.

Who the hell are you kidding, Etsy You’ve been ignoring the need for Customer Service for your sellers for years - you throw out a wishy-washy 3 sentences that are as vague and noncommittal as your fixation on the non-colors BEIGE and WHITE - and we’re supposed to pat you on the back?

What did you say? Right, another bunch of nothing.

You finally hire a customer service director and this is all we get.

Quotables: What is this "customer service" you speak of?

Dear Etsy, you need to suck it up and admit your mistakes.

I guess the point is this - it's not even the money at this point. It's the customer service principle now. I did NOT mistakenly pick a Monday. My photo shoot was planned for the 25th, I would never have "chosen" the 24th willingly.

Now, if someone bought something from my shop, and I sent them the wrong thing, and gave the customer service I'm receiving, I would have negative feedback, PayPal would revoke my money, and Etsy would be allowed to shut me down if it happened more than once.

Why, I remember way back, when sellers with 500 positives were brick-walled due to a *single* customer complaint that turned out to not even be valid! Talk about tough standards.

Where is my feedback and PayPal option as a buyer? Why the double standard? They can just ignore emails and that's okay? It's okay that they don't have a phone number that we can reach out to them at? If I don't pay this, my shop will cease to function. I can't even contact my credit card company or PayPal for help.

If you were quoted, congratulations and thanks! You can find your
celebratory "I've been Quoted" (and other EB avatars) by clicking here.

Customer Service 101 - How to say you messed up

When other companies make mistakes that cost their customers time, energy, and patience, they make compensation and apologize. When Etsy does it, they shrug and offer baked goods or a moustache. A large online company had issues recently and sent a letter to all members to let them know. They offered compensation and an apology! Without anyone asking for it!

So I am offering Etsy a brief tutorial on customer service. It's just a beginner's lesson, and I'll make it easy. After all, old habits are hard to break! It's a form letter, an annotated version of the one received by the other company's customers, that can be used when things go fubar - as they often do. Remember, unless you apologize to all your members, it doesn't count.

We’re sorry to report that since 2006 we’ve been experiencing issues with our staff, so many of you have not received customer service in a timely manner and many of you have not received emails letting you know we dealt with your problem.
We pride ourselves in delighting you, and we’ve let you down. We apologize and are working around the clock to restore a semblance of normal operations. To all of you whose service has been delayed, we’ll be automatically applying a credit to your next billing statement. Or, if you are new to Etsy and your first experience was not enjoyable, we recognize that this is not a good way to begin your membership and we’ll automatically extend your listings.
Our goal is to respond to problems as soon as possible and to keep you updated. Again, we are sorry for the inconvenience we’ve caused you and thank you for your patience.

See Etsy, saying you're sorry doesn't hurt, I promise.

Where O'Where did Customer Service Go on Etsy?

EB was so shocked to read (and got tons of tips about) the latest Storque addition to their exhaustive, pompous, and fatuous Service Tips for Sellers Series, that we just had to highlight the following sections for you:

"Good service solves a problem, even before a customer knows that they have one. It is delivering what people expect to receive. To achieve great service is to get below the surface of the an issue and deliver solutions that no one expects."

"Great service is listening, learning, assessing, and ultimately refining your approach..."

"Great service isn't easy to achieve... Ultimately, great service requires sound judgment every day to adapt to the needs of the customer... This is a process Etsy.com is constantly refining as well."

While EB wholeheartedly agrees with many of the customer service tips that are ACTUALLY PRACTICED by the companies Etsy listed (Zappos, Amazon and The Container Store) we are still searching for a formal Customer Service Policy on Etsy, where Etsy is actually taking care of sellers’ questions and needs on a daily basis.

We could provide a list of great service that Etsy DOES NOT provide, but we get caught up in the bannings, mutings, and odd Town Meetings that are set up to confuse sellers and still not make changes sellers want – and need.

Maybe because Etsy found out that "Great service isn’t easy to achieve" Etsy figured it was just too much work to provide professional, consistent, and timely customer service. Why, Etsy is so busy learning about other companies that do it right, and doing hundreds of other things that have no impact on ecommerce and seller support, that they FORGOT to practice what they now preach.

Etsy also forgot WHO their primary customers are - the sellers.

Etsy Labs: Feedback says it all

Your feedback rating on Etsy can make or break you. Many of us are at or near 100% because we'd all rather work things out or leave a neutral rather than put a big bad negative up there. So when one of the Auxiliary tipped EB off to Etsy Labs feedback, we found it made some very interesting reading. The Labs have a total of 2160 sales, and 1632 feedback of 100%. Looking deeper shows an additional 17 neutrals. I wonder how many of these neutrals would have been negatives if the shop had been anyone other than Etsy Labs? Here's an unbelievable sample of neutrals and positives:

Well layered

"not described as well as it could be, but a great shirt nonetheless! i'll just save it for layering i guess...."

Shop local

"Great print on a sunny bag, but why is the bag Made in China and not Made in Brooklyn."

Wear it well

"At first I left neutral feedback for this item, because I received a t-shirt with a funky screen that wore off after two washings. Etsy saw the feedback, and two days later I had a brand new shirt and a lovely note from Julie, an admin. This restored my faith in Etsy's exemplary customer service!!! Etsy rocks!"

Paid for nothing

"i didn't get the shirt:( but i still want it! adorable!!
xoxo"

Wash carefully

"you guys are ultra friendly and accommodating & i love my shirt BUT it's too bad that it the shirt is now crooked after it was washed. i now have a wrap around design to sport - not too thrilled about that..."

I'm gonna hurl cupcakes

"Never recieved the shirt but the Etsy staff was sweet as candy when I contacted them so I decided to turn the purchase into a donation, instead. I hope some mail handler in Brooklyn enjoys the tee! ;)"

More shirt fun

"Shirt was thinner and more faded than I thought it would be - but I'll still wear it."

Shipping issues

etsy, you know i love you with all my heart -- but please, PLEASE invest in some bubblewrapped envelopes! this is the second time i've gotten dented pins in the mail. :(

From the Bitches Auxiliary

Did someone loose their customer service department?

It will take a few days to digest the novellas published today, but, there is one huge hole in the presentation.

"Maria: My current goals at Etsy are:

"* People: seek deeper experience to lead Etsy through things we’ve never done before.
"* Process: create a disciplined approach to planning and execution.
"* Product: build the best marketplace for connecting makers and buyers."

Nothing at all about seller-support. Nothing at all about the sellers being at the core of the whole concept. Etsy would not have turned into what it is without the sellers. And it won't survive too much longer without making them the prime beneficiaries of each and every change at Etsy.

From the Bitches Auxiliary

Etsy Nursery Rhyme

EtsyEtsy locking threads
making sellers bang their heads.

EtsyEtsy use that mute!
Does anyone think that’s actually cute?

EtsyEtsy choose and pick
who to punish and who to kick.

EtsyEtsy punish, scold, and spank
and write those posts you think are “frank”.

EtsyEtsy it’s very clear
you do not hold sellers dear.

EtsyEtsy what else will you do
to make sellers think it’s turned into a zoo?

EtsyEtsy, hurt feelings and boo hoo hoo
if you mute lots of sellers, you’ll no longer be blue.

So think of the next time
you can fling the grime
And life will be cupcakes and pie
‘til the next time you try
to “engage” sellers with “We really like you, we do!”
and the sellers respond with “And up yours too!”

From the Bitches Auxiliary: Checklist

Dear Etsy,

Oh howdie and good morning, hope you have your mocha java 2-shots lattes in hand because the is today's advice for YOU.

When you encounter an unhappy sellers on Etsy, you must:

• Ignore their posts and pleas for help, including any and all supp...@etsy.com emails - delete, delete, lock.
  
  
• You KNOW those Bitches are going to write about you anyway, and they are just poopy faces to be ignored too.
  
  
• Go back to gathering intelligence on every one of those Bitches Stores (real or imaginary) and get ready to delete, delete, lock, red brick wall, and send a really threatening series of emails personally attacking that seller. Maybe they'll just go away.
  
  
• Go the extra mile. Make sure you've scoured the net for suspicious blogs, comments on OTHER blogs and just keep piling up that evidence. You don't need much to make your case to start harassing that seller until kingdom comes, but, it helps to have a list of demands from that seller that have nothing to do with the law, freedom of speech, or doing business in a businesslike manner.
  
  
• Always remember you're Etsy, and you can do anything or say anything you want because you have proven that you can be arrogant, egocentric, narcisstic, and flout the law because you feel like it.
  
  
• Take a big breath, pull out those reams of evidence, and start writing. Remember, your CEO wants 30 really, really nasty emails to sellers on his desk by 1 PM (when he gets into the office) to be ready to go out at 11 PM so those sellers have a real Etsy-mocha-java-2-shot (literally) latte in their hands when they open their email accounts.

Go on, get to it! Time's a wasting and we have a ping-pong tournament at 2 and another new employee party and barbecue on the roof at 3.

Bring your favorite Swimmies because we're having a Design Contest at 7 PM and the loyal Etsy employee with the most-loved and adored Swimmy gets a $3,500 cash bonus added to their weekly paycheck!!!!!

Love,
Your Leader xoxo

Quotable Quotes: No Shit Sherlock

Please Etsy, get a clue.

Storque article: "Dear Sellers,

Did you realize that the way you communicate with your customers can actually promote repeat business?"

Seller Comment: Um, is this a joke? You actually have the balls to lecture sellers about communication skills when Etsy expects its users to get critical information by digging through the forums and sifting the Storque guano? Not to mention all the crap that's been going down in the forums this week? This is why I'm moving to my own site, I don't have the time or the patience to deal with Etsy's hypocrisy anymore."

mmmm The Irony

From a Storque How-To:

When you encounter an unhappy customer, chances are they are going to spread the word about their shopping experience to their friends and family. Similarly, if you can manage to appease your customer and take an extra step to assure they are satisfied with their experience, you can bet they will be just as vocal about what a wonderful shop you are to everyone they know. So take that deep breath, and see if you can extend a solution to the problem.

From the Bitches Auxiliary: Service with a Smile

Storque Featured Article:

Service Tips for Sellers: Promoting Repeat Business

Oh, Etsy, I could not resist a re-write:

Service Tips for Etsy: Treating Your Sellers like the Professional
Businesses That They Are

or

Service Tips for Etsy: How to talk to sellers like they're adults and
please stop insulting them with your cutesy wootsey LOVE YA! notes and
general nastiness.

or

Service Tips for Etsy: You Don't Really Expect Stores Here to Be
Professional When you Have No Idea What That Means

or

Service Tips for Etsy: You Sure Can Dish It Out When You Have A
Tantrum, But You Sure Can't Take The Truth About How You Treat Your
Own Sellers Like Crap

Quotable Quotes: C.o.m.m.u.n.i.c.a.t.i.o.n.

Are you ashamed yet Etsy?

"Imagine if my customers (or potential customers) contacted me asking me a question and I didn't respond to them. What kind of an impression would they have of me?

1. They're not important to me
2. I have no intentions of doing/making what they want
3. They're annoying me
4. I don't want their business
5. I don't care about my own business

Now imagine if a customer bought from me and contacted me upon receipt of their package and wrote "The listing said this soap was blue but the soap I got is pink" and I convo'd them back and said "The soap is blue" and linked them to the listing in my shop showing a blue soap. And they wrote back and said, "yeah, i see that the soap in the listing is blue. What I'm telling you is MY SOAP IS PINK." To which I responded with another link to the blue soap listed in the shop.

What does THIS say about me?

1. I'm not listening to you
2. You're stupid, stupid--look at the picture, the soap is BLUE!
3. I don't really care about you now that you've paid me
4. It's not me, it's you. Really, it's YOU. Now stop pestering me
5. I don't have the time to actually ADDRESS your issue, so I'll just keep linking you back to the pretty little picture of the blue soap. See? It's blue. Got it?

What if a seller bought from me and contacted me a week later and said "Where's my order?" And I replied "I'm working on it". A few days later--"where's my order?" "I'm
working on it." And so on and so on.

Once again, I'm showing my customers that they're not important to me, I don't value them, and that maybe I'm not even WORKING on their order. "Oh yeah, I'll get to your order right after I finish this article on "Cool Stuff for Curly Haired People" for my blog and then make a video of myself showing my fly dance moves."

You can't provide good customer service to your customers if THEY ARE NOT YOUR PRIORITY.

I bend over backwards for my customers. I don't think it's inappropriate for me to expect the same from the venue on which I sell (and pay money to)."

Breaking News: View Tallies Spayed, um "Fixed"

Per the wonderful Revolving Dork, the Etsy engineers are "delighted" that the view tallies are fixed. He goes on to note that "We've tested this system thoroughly, but there is always a chance that an issue may arise once we have it running on the live site. If there is an issue, we'll be sure to alert you through the Storque and the Etsy News Alerts email list."

Uh huh, sure. Just like this past time right?

Response in the Forums has been tremendous. RD has spent more than an hour imitating Whack-a-mole with all of the redundant threads popping up stating the obvious.

It's even spilled over to Etc where the most important discovery has been that you can actually type "FUCK" in a thread title and not be censored.

Quotable Quote - Amen!

Preaching to the choir:

I believe the level of customer service you receive is proportionate to the level of respect a company has for it's customers.

Lack of or poor customer service tells me that the customer is not held in high regard.

Good customer service tells me that I, as a customer, am valued and appreciated.

Given the fact that nearly 3 years in existence with no discernable customer service, it is safe to assume that as customers, we mean very little to Etsy. Except for what they can bleed out of us in the way of listing, renewing and final value fees if we are lucky enough to also sell what we list.

I have never seen a site where people are so grateful and thankful for shoddy service and poor communication. This tells me that they really have no clue what else is out there.

Quotable Quotes: Fraud

This thread is worth reading, post and be heard before Admin wakes up and shuts it down.

"The fraud is pervasive in all media here on Etsy.

Criminals have discovered that they can come to Etsy and steal photos and copy and tags from a seller, and open their own shop. Criminals have discovered that they can buy mass-produced items and sell them as artist/shop owner handmade.

Criminals have discovered that Etsy will NOT enforce policy."

From the Bitches Auxiliary: Why

Reasons why forum posters ask inane questions 14 times in a row are:


1. The Rules and Regs are in 10 different sections and they don't have 3 weeks to read them all.

2. Their mother, sister, girlfriend, boyfriend, dog, cat, goldfish, little 2 year old brother and 1 year old neice already have 50 Etsy Shops between them and they never read the Rules either, and they've been selling god knows what for the last 2 years.

3. Everyone knows Etsy really doesn't have any rules; they just make them up as they go along.

4. Out of 150,000 stores, there are so many that don't belong, who's going to notice I put up a store selling repackaged Q-Tips and labelled them "handmade"?

5. What???? You mean I have to pack up those Q-Tips I sold and actually put postage on them and send them?

Quotable Quotes: Squeaky Wheels

"The driver on the bus says 'we're almost there'
almost there
almost there
The driver on the bus says 'we're almost there'
All through the town

The people on the bus ask 'when, when, when,
when, when, when
when, when when
The people on the bus ask 'when when when,
All through the town

The driver on the bus says 'pretty soon'
pretty soon
pretty soon
The driver on the bus says 'pretty soon'
All through the town

The dispatcher says 'the bus is broke'
the bus is broke
the bus is broke
the dispatcher says 'the bus is broke'
All through the town.

The little bus aide says 'thanks for your concern'
thanks for your concern
thanks for your concern
The little bus aide says 'thanks for your concern'
All through the town.

The people on the bus beat the driver up
beat the driver up
beat the driver up
The people on the bus beat the driver up
All though the town.

Start here to fully understand the bus analogy. The whole thread is worth a read and add your post to it before it gets locked.

From the Bitches Auxiliary: What DO they do?

This is why Etsy never answers supp...@etsy.com or only answers after several days.

The 60+ employees of Etsy are:

1. Working furiously on Storque FP Treasuries (plus Treasuries under several employees' names) butting in all the time on 660 other Treasuries in the queue.

2. Working furiously to write articles about sponsored events to recruit more stores and sellers while ignoring the fact that 150,000 stores are trying to make sales on the site now.

3. Writing articles for the "blog", no "Storque",. no "whatever" on "Carnival and Circus Couture" which must be a fashion trend we thankfully missed out on.

4. Regurgitating Etsy Finds so that the same 3 odd picks for Finds also shows up on the FPT and "Stoque", no "blog", no "irrelvant clutter" with a Feature Article about the same item/store/seller.

5. Etsy has thus answered the last 350 sellers' fora questions "how to you get to be a best seller on Etsy?" because Etsy just proved the point. Get on their favored list, and sit back to watch a promotional blitz you keep pinching yourself "And this is all FREE?".

6. 7 or 8 Etsy employees are glued to the fora asking a lot of questions about work THEY should be doing themselves, and sitting at their keyboards, READY to jump in and add 10 "supporting comments" to the comment that one of their office-mates just posted.

7. 3 or 4 Etsy employees are working FT to stock and sell items in the Etsy Gold Street Store.

8. 1/2 of an Etsy employee is thinking creatively about the next co- op advertisement in a publication they think is cool and targets more sellers to open more stores.

9. The Etsy Dartboard "Seller's We Love to Hate" broke into 150 pieces and 3 employees had to go out and buy a new one.

10. 2 employees are writing help wanted ads and trying to come up with decent Job Descriptions.