"Dear Etsy" letter for the ages

With no further ado, this might be the Best. Letter. Evar. This one needs to be sold for framing!

I'm sure this might come as a bit of a shock considering our history together, but I think it's for the best.

Sure, we seemed like one of those couples who would "make it." You're a handmade venue with a ton of traffic. I was a top seller with an impressive amount of sales. But I'm a commercial supplier, and frankly, our relationship is more than a bit one-sided and I just can't take it anymore.

Sure, you love having girls like me around when you want to look studly with those sales numbers. They get a both of us a lot of attention. You're a great-looking site on the surface, and I have tons of products. We make an attractive pair. And we both know that I'm not even close to the best looking girl out there- there are real knockouts like BlackSheepBeads and ArtfulMarket. But this isn't about them, it's about me and you.

When we're at home, it's like my needs never even matter. You KNOW that it takes a lot of effort for me to look this good. Do you think I wake up in the morning and roll out of bed with 50 sales a day? Someone's making sure those items get listed on a timely schedule and it sure as hell isn't YOU! You don't lift a finger! You just sit around and act like it's your God-given right to steal all the credit when I'm the one doing all the work. But when people complain that I get too much attention, you never stick up for me! You just let me hang out to dry.

And speaking of behind closed doors, what the hell is it with the lack of stats and other basic administrative functions? That may have been okay in the 90s, but it's a new decade and girls these days expect you to put in time DOWN THERE, especially if YOU expect US to do it. Don't tell me it's too hard because everyone is different. What do you think I am, an idiot?! This isn't my first time to the rodeo. I've been with other sites! I know what's out there!

And don't tell me that you're doing the best you can, because we both know you're not. Who the HELL told you that being able to submit a lousy TEN feedbacks at once actually counted as "batch" ANYTHING? Or that taking out one picture made an invoice "printer friendly"?? Just because all of the things I have to change appear on one page doesn't make it any easier if I still have to click on every single item!

Not to mention all the glitches I have to deal with, like lost e-mail notifications and payment checkboxes not automatically updating. I've bitched about that one for months! Apparently you've gotten so comfortable in our relationship that you think it's a-okay to just let yourself go!

Face it: In the "private time" category, YOU TOTALLY SUCK! And I'm telling all my girlfriends!!

And you know what else I NEVER liked? The way you dis me to your friends like I'm not good enough. If you didn't want to date commercial suppliers you should have just said so back in 2007 and taken the fallout like a man. But now we've been together for YEARS, and instead of making it up to me like you always said you would, you keep me hidden away off the default search so you can pretend I don't exist, and I'm supposed to just be cool with it and take what I can get. Well, I'm tired of it! I'm just as good as those other stores! Plenty of sites are proud to have me on there with everyone else!

The worst part is that I've been trying to make it work between us for so long that it's changed me into a person I didn't want to be. I started to lower my standards and treat MY customers the way you treat ME. And that is just WRONG. They deserve better, and so do I.

That's why I've decided to go back to my first site on Ebay. That's right, EBAY. I know what you're going to say- that they're big and impersonal, and cost too much, and all that. But you know what? Even if they were, it's worth it because Ebay gives me what I need. In fact, they've been there for me the whole time I've been with you. They've never stopped loving me. How do you like THEM apples!

So we're through, Etsy. It'll take me a while to move out all my stuff, but anything left here after my listings have expired, you can just keep or toss.

Girl, I'm on my way over with the EtsyBitch Bus to move your shit out! For refusing to take that abusive open marriage as well as having a pair of big brass ones, and for the line "girls these days expect you to put in time DOWN THERE, especially if YOU expect US to do it" Etsy Bitch hereby awards Charmerz an EB Award for Valor.

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An Award for Valor and Having a Pair of Big Brass Ones

We here at Etsy Bitch would like to highlight a very brave and blunt post by Creativeneurosis regarding who gets muted and who gets a slap on the wrist (again, and again):

Rob, you seem to be a fairly reasonable man, so I'll attempt reason with you. The incident that prompted the mutings was public. A ton of people saw, and those that didn't have a kazillion ways to find out. What everyone knows is that branded butterfly sent a few people some harassing convos. Two of those people told her publicly to cease and desist and I assume the others must have responded with the appropriately harsh convo she deserved. A short time later 5 of these sellers (including sherrytruitt who, if you recall spent a shitload of time compiling a list of concerns for the treehouse meeting, only to be completely ignored, and I'd bet my firstborn no one's apologized to her for it) are banned from the forums, meanwhile brandedbutterfly is roaming free.

This has lead to the widespread perception (or perhaps understanding) that admin plays favorites and punishes people who criticize the site. I think if there IS a justifiable explanation for the differential in punishment, you need to say it publicly (without naming names, there were at least 5 people banned if I recall), because we ALL saw it happen publicly and most of us are crying foul. Pretending it never happened won't make it go away. Banning people won't make people blind to the site's deficiencies. You've done this before, you will probably do it again, but really, you should stop. It's childish. If you don't want people to complain, just SAY SO. Own that shit. Otherwise you're simply making yourselves out to be hypocrites because you espouse the cause of "community" and then give the sellers the impression you couldn't care less about them.

Yes, maybe this is "calling out", but we ALL KNOW what happened, and all this innuendo is childish. Mute me if you want, I'm sick of all the pussyfooting that's happening here anyways.

For refusing to pussyfoot as well as having a pair of big brass ones, Etsy Bitch hereby awards Creativeneurosis an EB Award for Valor.

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A new award for Valor

VeryBigJen, you have fought a hard battle. Etsy Admin seem to have it out for you. Apparently it is okay to accuse someone of being an EB and going batshit crazy on them, but not to call the accuser a lame ass for using the word "buck" instead of fuck.

I thought calling out and bringing non-Etsy business into the forums was a no-no. Oh, and notice this: the e-mail was sent to VBJ on 06/28 at 330pm. It took Etsy a full 3 days to act on muting VeryBigJen. Yeah, consistency is a load of bullshit.

VeryBigJen, since you are not an actual EB, you can be an honorary one. As is anyone who posts for the greater good. But you took a direct attack for us, and that is admirable and valorous.

http://www.etsy.com/forums_thread.php?thread_id=5680423&page=32
http://www.etsy.com/forums_thread.php?thread_id=5680423&page=35

For that she was muted for 7 days.

Rob, sir, you are a douchebag for this action. VeryBigJen was attacked, provoked and yet you punish the innocent. What a reactionary response, and very immature to boot.

VeryBigJen, feel free to use any of our valor awards in your banner.

Awards for the Valorous

Oh, how the battle lines have been drawn! Its time to pull a chair up and award the following people with valor awards.

Let us not forget the battles they fought, some won and some lost, but all fought valiantly. Their battle armor no doubt has damage, but they still move forward in hopes of making Etsy a better place for all.

Jessica, the seller who came forward admitting her mistake. You are alright in our book for coming clean.

quirke, for making sure that the lampwork glass artists were heard. That was a most excellent battle.

antb, for smacking down an overly smug know-it-all in the forums. It was brilliant.

Windysdesigns, for always telling it like it is and making sure that Admin is held accountable. We have heard that she has been muted indefinitely. *plays butt trumpet TAPS*

SherryTruitt, GreenMamba and SocoCreative, for bringing the glaringly apparent flaws in the current methods of communication from Etsy staff and that sellers pay for this service. That, and lighting a fire under their butts over the views issue.

Here are your latest recipients of valor awards. Ladies and gents, wear it loud, wear it proud, but never forget!

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And The Award Goes To...

Friday in the EtsyLabs Lounge Robwhite held his normal "office hours". It just so happened to occur smack dab at the peak of the 'Etsy editing transaction pages scandal'.

Everyone wanted answers, and they wanted them yesterday. Rob had not much to say. Luckily Rob is well liked by all, it could have been much much worse. If Rokali had been there it would have swiftly spiraled into a clusterfuck.

Many of the lampworkers who were part of the site that broke this scandal were there to demand answers in very polite ways, and yet Robwhite was in there alone. ALONE in the face of a major public relations blunder so huge it's been on at least a dozen websites. So big it's taken over most of the forums in various ways and has resulted in scenting the Etsy air with general surly revolty yumminess. (Have you noticed how deliciously bitchy the forums are the last few days?)

There were no other Etsy staff in with Robwhite to face down the growling, seething crowd. They sacrificed him as if tossing a lamb into the shark tank. They left him hanging in the wind while they made dry ice mustaches, and still Rob was friendly and trying his best to keep up and try to at least deal with everyone. His one hour turning to over three and forgoing food and drink to try to answer things the best he could in the typically Etsy non-committal way. That's not his fault. He did what he could.

His hands were tied, because let's face it, Etsy doesn't KNOW what it did that was so wrong, and they don't get why the whole scandal was so scandalous. They don't get why anyone was even upset so they have no answers to give on what they will do to prevent it from happening again.

We felt sorry for Robwhite being abandoned by his coworkers and slugging it through all the same like the trooper he is. So much so we decided our he'd be the first, and likely the only Etsy Admin, to receive....

The EtsyBitch Award For Valor!

As is his right as a member of the order, he may style himself as a "Knight of the Bitch" and may bear any of these avatars we have prepared to represent his status:

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Congrats Robwhite! We really honestly do appreciate all you do, or try to do. We know they are idiots.

We plan on issuing more EB Awards For Valor in the coming weeks to those in the forums committing acts of sense and surliness. So get out there and ask questions they don't want to answer, smack down the smackdownable, and most importantly... get bitchy about Etsy!