Customer Service 101 - How to say you messed up

When other companies make mistakes that cost their customers time, energy, and patience, they make compensation and apologize. When Etsy does it, they shrug and offer baked goods or a moustache. A large online company had issues recently and sent a letter to all members to let them know. They offered compensation and an apology! Without anyone asking for it!

So I am offering Etsy a brief tutorial on customer service. It's just a beginner's lesson, and I'll make it easy. After all, old habits are hard to break! It's a form letter, an annotated version of the one received by the other company's customers, that can be used when things go fubar - as they often do. Remember, unless you apologize to all your members, it doesn't count.

We’re sorry to report that since 2006 we’ve been experiencing issues with our staff, so many of you have not received customer service in a timely manner and many of you have not received emails letting you know we dealt with your problem.
We pride ourselves in delighting you, and we’ve let you down. We apologize and are working around the clock to restore a semblance of normal operations. To all of you whose service has been delayed, we’ll be automatically applying a credit to your next billing statement. Or, if you are new to Etsy and your first experience was not enjoyable, we recognize that this is not a good way to begin your membership and we’ll automatically extend your listings.
Our goal is to respond to problems as soon as possible and to keep you updated. Again, we are sorry for the inconvenience we’ve caused you and thank you for your patience.

See Etsy, saying you're sorry doesn't hurt, I promise.

Don't Mail That!!

Since Etsy cannot seem to figure out how to add disclaimers to their Storque 'articles', we at EB are providing them ourselves. Luckily, we have many readers who are helping us sort through the mess.

Today's gem of wisdom is to always check with the postal regulations before mailing out what Etsy calls a "postcard". According to the Storque, you can knit one!

Just don't mail it on its own! According to the United States Postal Service a postcard is rectangular, at least 3-1/2 inches high x 5 inches long x 0.007 inch thick, and no more than 4-1/4 inches high x 6 inches long x 0.016 inches thick. It also has to be capable of being stamped with a postmark. Sorry, but knitting does not qualify. It will have to be in an envelope and will probably be too thick to be a letter and have to go parcel. A BIG difference from a postcard! For more information on mailability see here. (Disclaimer: Other countries may have different regulations)

It's nice to know that an ecommerce site cannot sort out the semantics of a term used to identify a mailed item. How about a knitted "card", Etsy?!

From The Auxiliary Guild: How to make a cupcake!

One of our readers, Wisteroni, sent us the link to the video she made to make fun of The Hammock Video

It's so damn funny I don't recommend you drink or eat during it - or after!

Make your own death shroud... er hammock!

A reader sent us this link to another atrociously piss poor sewing how-to video, and poor choices of materials, by Brepettis.

Witness a massive case of bad judgment to make the sorriest excuse for a crap hammock I've ever seen. Can you guess what will happen when Brepettis makes a hammock?

This IS popcorn worthy, readers. Go pop some then come back and hit play.



No thanks, I'll buy mine on eBay where it might have been designed in mind of some country's safety regulations (you can ignore those if you make it yourself like a ignoramus hipster doofus!). Tell me again it's peachy keen that professional people at a corporate craft site tell you to use "fabric that might hold me" and clothes line - for a hammock. Clothes line. He spends more time telling you how to condense the excess rope than he does sewing the damned thing. Clothes line!

I hope Etsy gets it's ass sued black and blue when someone's kid suffocates in that concoction while playing in it and it closes up on them, or someone breaks their neck, spine, tailbone, hip, etc, when they hit the ground in 30 seconds for following their directions.

It's not just a stupid negligent video -- it's an injury lawyer's wet dream.

From the Bitches Auxiliary

I've finally seen the light.

Etsy has said many times its goal is to help artists make a living at their craft. We all assumed they meant we could make a living by selling on Etsy. But they had a much more creative approach in mind. They would frustrate us, show us all the ways not to run an internet business, and waste our time and money. Finally, one by one, we will realize it is easier and cheaper to set up our own sites and promote just ourselves - and get more exposure and sales too. Then we all will be successful artists.

Creative strategy Etsy - but couldn't you have just made a tutorial on how to set up your own website instead of making us hate cupcakes in the process?

From the Bitches Auxiliary

I'm so glad we're going to have arts and crafts classes at etsy, instead of them policing the site to see that it doesn't turn into ebay. I can't believe all the people that use other peoples'copyrighted images to make a buck.

366 of these - http://www.etsy.com/shop.php?user_id=5642869§ion_id=5345185
and http://www.etsy.com/shop.php?user_id=5980462

I went to the actual wallet category and get cell phone charms and key chains. And you know what? The damn NOT search isn't working - so I can't exclude the two links above or the other garbage. So I attempted to find a fun little wallet for 30 minutes. I'm so frustrated I'm just going to go buy one at Target today.

But hey, at least we get arts and crafts, where Etsy will teach other people how to etch metal. What's more fun than learning how to play with acid and hazardous materials over the internets? I wonder if they will be explaining the creation of free copper ions and the needs to dispose of the mordant as hazardous waste? With the level of intelligence so often shown in forums I wonder how many people will end up hurt? Maybe they can teach cold process soap next, so everyone that posts to a dormant thread and feels the need to say "OMG I killed another thread!" 1 minute later can go play with lye.

/rant off

Seriously frustrated,

Bitch wannabe.

ps - thanks for protecting my identity. I love the blog.

Shameful "how-to"

I sew, it's one of my many and frankly varied talents. I sew well and brag to strangers that I can french seam a gore (it's sad, but true). That's my sewing-fu resume right there. If you can french seam a gore you can claim minor deity status in a Walmart sweatshop.

Etsy Staffer Brepettis just released a new video: how to patch jeans. So that's it? Just do some sloppy random zigzag sewing and it's done? What a butt ugly mess! I wouldn't let my dog wear those results.

And why offer something that has no less than 40 videos elsewhere? And ones that do a better job.

Way to go Etsy, no fluff on the Storque. Wow, I actually managed to type that without gagging.